I Failed :(

[Rowan13]

I chickened out at the last minute.
I had everything prepared and was ready to ctb, but as I was putting the rope around my neck, I just couldn't do it.
I'm not sure why; I've lost my service dog, my cats, and I'm most likely going to lose my freedom soon. I don't want to be here anymore, but for some reason I just can't leave.

 

[tinyghost]

si is extremely hard to overcome. it doesnt make you a coward. we are hard wired to live at all costs. i hope that things get better for you

 

[wanttosleep]

That sucks I'm sorry. I failed recently as well and I know how hard it is no matter what is happening in your life to fight your own instincts to stay alive and cross that threshold to actively end your own life. I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just not straightforward to cease existing on our own terms after all. But anyway I wish you the best, I find it dreadful how it's this difficult to die.

 

[Yaffle]

I chickened out at the last minute.
I had everything prepared and was ready to ctb, but as I was putting the rope around my neck, I just couldn't do it.
I'm not sure why; I've lost my service dog, my cats, and I'm most likely going to lose my freedom soon. I don't want to be here anymore, but for some reason I just can't leave.

I haven't yet attempted but know very well that SI will be an enormous problem for me.

If it's what you really want I hope you find the strength to overcome it.

For what it's worth I would find hanging one of the difficult methods to overcome SI.

 

[RandomMacBeth]

I chickened out at the last minute.
I had everything prepared and was ready to ctb, but as I was putting the rope around my neck, I just couldn't do it.
I'm not sure why; I've lost my service dog, my cats, and I'm most likely going to lose my freedom soon. I don't want to be here anymore, but for some reason I just can't leave.

dont worry bro, the human survival instict is a normal thing, youre not the only one who did this.

 

[Some place nice]

I'm so sorry that you're stilling having to suffer. SI is a horrible thing it doesn't matter how badly you want to die it will always be there. I hope you can find peace soon.

 

[Lydia12]

I chickened out at the last minute.
I had everything prepared and was ready to ctb, but as I was putting the rope around my neck, I just couldn't do it.
I'm not sure why; I've lost my service dog, my cats, and I'm most likely going to lose my freedom soon. I don't want to be here anymore, but for some reason I just can't leave.

I'm very sorry for you. Did you take some drugs or medicine? Maybe some anti fear stuff can work f.e. Diazepam

 

[Daughter of Sorrow]

I'm not a psychologist, but I would say that it's not chickening out. You know that your life is not what you want it to be, with conditions that make you suffer and increase your misery, yet something in you tells you to keep going. I do not judge the people that end their life; I do not know their thoughts. However, I do think that there is bravery in waking up each day to fight a battle with your own mind and the world.

Some people cannot fight that battle anymore, which is understandable. I do not judge them a coward, but a warrior that fell in battle, doing their best.

In the end, you are the only one that can make the choice to CTB or not. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Many people have decided to die of suicide but then changed their mind when courage failed them. Hanging is a risky method. I would not choose that method. Death is the most terrifying thing we have to go through and therefore we should be able to die with the help of a doctor. The lack of human euthanasia is the greatest injustice in our societies.

 

[iwkmlol]

si is extremely hard to overcome. it doesnt make you a coward. we are hard wired to live at all costs. i hope that things get better for you

is there a thread on that by chance?