ilistentoradiohead
Member
- Aug 27, 2023
- 16
If you know me from a post yesterday writing about how I will kill myself by overdosing on sleeping pills then...hi.
This is so fucking embarrassing to write and admit, considering how I went so far with writing down emotional stuffs for my friends and some of my family members, but here I am I guess.
I couldn't do it. I wanted to do it. I had the pills in my hand, I was laying down, ready to swallow it as a whole. But I couldn't. There was this fear lingering in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to die, instead I would be paralyzed and suffer from a permanent brain damange I don't want that. I wanted two things: to immediately die, or if not, I want to continue living with my life without any damages because I have big things I want to achieve. So I couldn't. Instead I fell asleep while holding the bottle of pills in my hand.
So in conclusion, I failed. My attempt failed, I guess? I survived another planned suicide and I have to postpone until I feel like I am ready to die.
Afterwards, I was reading all the replies I received from my previous thread. Some were wishing me luck and advanced condolences, I really appreciated that. And there were people who adviced me that overdosing is not the right way, I really appreciate that too. Thank you really. I will be more careful and cautious in the future if i ever plan to kill myself again. Perhaps I will purposely let myself get hit by a car or something, who knows. But for now, I think I want to stay alive for some more time. At least, for now. Yeah.
p.s if anyone knows any way i could die immediately without having to feel pain, please let me know.
This is so fucking embarrassing to write and admit, considering how I went so far with writing down emotional stuffs for my friends and some of my family members, but here I am I guess.
I couldn't do it. I wanted to do it. I had the pills in my hand, I was laying down, ready to swallow it as a whole. But I couldn't. There was this fear lingering in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to die, instead I would be paralyzed and suffer from a permanent brain damange I don't want that. I wanted two things: to immediately die, or if not, I want to continue living with my life without any damages because I have big things I want to achieve. So I couldn't. Instead I fell asleep while holding the bottle of pills in my hand.
So in conclusion, I failed. My attempt failed, I guess? I survived another planned suicide and I have to postpone until I feel like I am ready to die.
Afterwards, I was reading all the replies I received from my previous thread. Some were wishing me luck and advanced condolences, I really appreciated that. And there were people who adviced me that overdosing is not the right way, I really appreciate that too. Thank you really. I will be more careful and cautious in the future if i ever plan to kill myself again. Perhaps I will purposely let myself get hit by a car or something, who knows. But for now, I think I want to stay alive for some more time. At least, for now. Yeah.
p.s if anyone knows any way i could die immediately without having to feel pain, please let me know.
