I failed and fucked up

[FireFox]

I tried to give life a second chance and i failed.

I cant do it , i really cant do it.
I dont how to live or even begin

Everyday i regret my life choices and feel like a loser.
I regret going to university so young because i cant cope with leaving university , not having a plan after graduating, rejecteting a part time job at uni due to fear of messing up after an awful placement experience
I never going to get over the fact i never had a job in my life.

My birthday nears all i feel is a failure and i cant stop crying .
Oh my god never thought my life would be like this. I am going to be same neighbourhood , same house all my life.

Yestersay i went in to 3 shops and brought all these pills and still collecting to kill myself.
I am still collecting pills to end my life ( 100+ is what i am aiming for)

I fucked up my entire life i cant see anything changing

 

[enjolras]

I regret going to university so young because i cant cope with leaving university , not having a plan after graduating, rejecteting a part time job at uni due to fear of messing up after an awful placement experience
I never going to get over the fact i never had a job in my life.

Could you prolong your studies with another graduation ? Get a part time job or stages at enterprises during the extension to make you feel better ? like a second chance ? (I'm adapting to your harsh self-judgement) over-qualification can be appreciated as meritful

Hugs ! (happy birthday in advance too)

 

[All an illusion]

I'm sorry firefox...i can only wish you peace and happiness....never let fear, pain and anxiety guide you....peace be with you.

 

[FireFox]

Could you prolong your studies with another graduation ? Get a part time job or stages at enterprises during the extension to make you feel better ? like a second chance ? (I'm adapting to your harsh self-judgement) over-qualification can be appreciated as meritful

Hugs ! (happy birthday in advance too)

There no jobs because of covid 19 anymore.
I appiled for part times after graduating nothing but rejections.
I am not going back to school as i will struggle after graduating. Graduting harms my mental health as cant cope with the loss of structure and purpose.. i am absolutely terrifed of graduating.
I ruined my entire life
Everything is just too much
Once this lockdown gets lifted i am killing myself i had enough.

I dont want any presents for my birthday, i dont any cake or a fucking birthday song all i want is to be happy again.

No more all i want is to sleep forever.

 

[FireFox]

The current high unemployment is only temporary. Once Covid goes away, the job market will become much less brutal both for you and everyone else. I don't know how long that will take, but know that you are not the only one experiencing difficulties in finding employment. Just about everyone is. Although it might take a while, I hope you consider waiting until the job market returns to normal before determining that you are unemployable. You graduated at a very unlucky time.

P.S. I never worked a job until my first internship at 22. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Once you find your first job, getting the second and third will be wayyyyy easier.

I gradauted last year. The longer i am unemployed the less employers will want me.
I turn 23 next week never had a job.
I am unemployable forever. I have ruined my life

 

[Kumachan]

@FireFox how about you get your pills ready, or any other method, so you will have this "escape hatch" readily available, it might give you confidence to try a coupla more things to improve the situation

 

[FireFox]

Did you get any interviews? If not, did you perfect your resume? How many jobs have you applied to?

I only got one interview and i fucked it up .
I tried to prefect my resume it didnt work.
Jobs i applied maxium a 4 day. The job descrption requriments makes it feel inadquate so i lt puts me off applying

I have given up now

 

[enjolras]

I won't blame you, I'd freak out just like you if I had to sell myself on the job market each time and repeatedely. Your fate is the Corona period, mine was the 11th september 2001 (while graduating for airline pilot). Interviews = total stress test. I've very rapidly backed off always, never proud of my resume with holes. Instead I searched to create my own job to escape outside pressures, but that was not such a great idea because poorly motivated.

Hope you won't mind me noticing. You seem very prone to anxiety, overworrying sick. If you'd change your mind to CTB, you may make good use of temporary support/treatment. It's the life transitions that are destabilizing & needs one to hang on. It seems you're after stability... a sane goal. GL

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

Sorry to see you go through this. I graduated when the recession that started in 2008 still had negative effects and couldn't find a job either. Now, almost 10 year later I still don't have a job, I'm a mental wreck and living on disability which makes me feel guilty and worthless.

 

[Bct]

Sorry about your hardship to get a job. I was also frustrated and almost going to CTB because of being jobless for almost a year. Not to mention current economy hits really hard due to pandemic.

Perhaps you have tried this, have you asked your friends or relatives if they have a job vacancy? It's not a surefire way to get a job but at least the chance is higher (in my opinion). Wish you a good luck in what you are going to choose though.

 

[Idledays]

I gradauted last year. The longer i am unemployed the less employers will want me.
I turn 23 next week never had a job.
I am unemployable forever. I have ruined my life

Oh @FireFox, I can almost hear your pain through the words you've written.

Being 23 and not having had a job does NOT mean that you will be unemployable forever. You're putting so much pressure on yourself that you're setting yourself up to fail.

I completely know what you mean about the routine of university being a help, and the thought of it being taken away terrifying. It undoubtedly will be, and I remember going through that myself. But you're more than a job title. Measure your self worth and achievements against your own standards, not everyone elses.

If you wanna chat politics to me anytime I'm all ears! And if you wanna reach out about your worries then we're here

 

[Qbert]

I am still collecting pills to end my life ( 100+ is what i am aiming for

What pills are you collecting? Overdose is unreliable...

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Hey, I'm sorry about everything that's going on right now and how it's affecting you. It's not fair and it's outright shitty. I wish there was something I could say that would help you feel better, but unfortunately, I've never been great at that.

What I will say is this:
I respect your decision to CTB, if that's what you really want. If you're sure if that, then you can ignore the rest of what I'm going to say. Now, I don't know your major or your desired career, but I do know that there are several fields where it's a great asset to have an impressive portfolio. I know how difficult it can be to focus or be productive when you're drowning, but if you're up for it, you can potentially turn this around by using this time to build a portfolio. And then you'll have an edge once the job market recovers--you'll be able to talk about your portfolio and projects in your cover letters, in interviews, etc. It's definitely hard to get a job when you have no experience, especially now, but having a portfolio that says you can do the job will make it easier to convince prospective employers to hire you. Either way, good luck.

 

[Soul]

@FireFox, I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed. Can you go back to uni on a part-time basis, and also do some volunteer/pro bono work somewhere related to the field you want to work in? That can provide you with experience and look good on your cv too.

Meanwhile, as you're building your collection, please research it carefully to make sure it's not just going to damage various organs and/or otherwise make your situation worse.

Don't rush things. Be careful. x