I envy those who have ctb successfully whilst I’m stuck in my miserable life

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I'm just on my bed thinking and wondering why me I wasn't successful like others who have ctb ……. I feel so stuck in this life …. I'm so miserable and I want out ….. I have two bottles of Ethlyne Glycol and sometimes I just get tempted to drink it all so that I can depart this world because I'm just tired and exhausted from living but i haven't been able to do so because I was told it will be a long and agonising death….. I'm so envious to those who have managed to ctb successfully honestly…….I will never understand why people says that those who complete ctb are cowards but to me they are so brave being able to complete ctb successfully takes a lot of bravery and I want to do that as well. I know my ending to my life is through suicide but I'm scared of failing again as I have failed to ctb before.

I have all the resources to ctb either by carbon monoxide poisoning, pills and ethylene glycol or even hanging I guess I need a bit of courage to succeed in doing so……

 

[FuneralCry]

I also really envy them as it's just far too unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, I see those who ctb to be envied as now they are at peace and unable to suffer for all eternity.

I don't believe that anyone who is trapped in this hellish and harmful existence is fortunate, only those who are peacefully unaware are. It really comforts me the thought of not existing, in fact it's the only comfort to me and it's really understandable feeling in such a way, I hate how we cannot just easily die in peace, it's horrible how it's so difficult to die.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

This is my third account since 2020, and I've seen a lot of people's names crossed out who I used to chat with.
I envy them in a way, yet am glad they have finally managed to end their suffering.
I've had 2 failed attempts, and am hoping that I get lucky on the third one.