I ended up resurrecting a long-term goal so as not to despair so much, waiting for death

[Brayu]

If that doesn't fit in with recovery I apologize... I don't even know what I intend to say anymore.

Basically I am 23 years old and have completed a degree... I would be planning in the long term to enter the chancellery career in my country. Does that mean I gave up on CTB? not! It means I'm probably going into a short cycle of hypomania and thus reactivating a dream I left behind (and at the same time it has to do with what I do and am anyway).

Basically, it's a dream that I can pursue until I'm 35, even if I don't intend to reach 30 and I'll eventually kill myself because of the weariness of using unreliable methods several times (like salt, which will end up destroying my cardiovascular system little by little). Screw it while I don't get CTB at least I'll have a puppet goal to fool my own despair!

The thing about the chancellery is that I already work in paradiplomacy, although it's not a salary tie, I have a low nobility commendation from the chiefdom for which I've been representing for years, and no money buys the respect and loyalty I already get there ( see: subnational monarchies and development titles and honoraria in Ghana...) So when it comes to affinity this is what I've been doing and, yes, I've enjoyed it since I was 19 years old. Maybe I'll reach that goal almost dying for self-destructing and bombing my health for years (my goal is to be 30, I think 7 years would end up breaking my heart), but who cares?

I was trying to be a more humble and simple person... That's when I realized that even rats would step on me if I continued to be! See that for being financially in shit people already tried to humiliate me and a dignitary of any monarchy in the world would not accept being trampled by idiots like that... If someone can destroy me on this earth I will reserve that right and I will not grant it to anyone else !

Sorry for the tone... it was a bitter outburst!

 

[seaweaves]

Hey, sometimes keeping sight on something in the distance can be really helpful! -- it's how the oceans used to get navigated after all, stars and whatnot. I booked a responsibility for May 2022 recently and that alone has helped me keep locked on a bit. Hypomania or not, I hope at least this little burst of dreaming gives you what you need for today, and that it gives you even more if you want it to.

 

[timf]

Sometimes releasing what has built up inside can help. if you are dealing with bipolar 2, there are some Youtube videos by a Brit called Peter Smith that may be helpful. His short (20 minutes) biography is an interesting story of his trying to find out how to deal with it in the years before the Internet.

 

[Brayu]

Ei, às vezes, manter a visão em algo à distância pode ser muito útil! - é assim que os oceanos costumavam ser navegados, afinal, estrelas e outros enfeites. Eu reservei uma responsabilidade para maio de 2022 recentemente e isso por si só me ajudou a manter o controle um pouco. Hipomania ou não, espero que pelo menos essa pequena explosão de sonhos lhe dê o que você precisa para hoje, e que dê ainda mais se você quiser.

Thank you

Sometimes releasing what has built up inside can help. if you are dealing with bipolar 2, there are some Youtube videos by a Brit called Peter Smith that may be helpful. His short (20 minutes) biography is an interesting story of his trying to find out how to deal with it in the years before the Internet.

Thank you

Thanks for the support and for not judging my words.