femcelloser
Transgender thing
- Jan 18, 2025
- 134
I don't know how to title this????
I've never been public about suicidal ideation. I don't even know if most people would ever guess i'm depressed. I talk to people. I'm chatty. I smile alot. People like me.
I feel like everything's this big facade y'know? I don't connect with anyone. All my stupid brain does anymore is think about bad things to do to myself or just insult people I'm around. I know I don't mean anything. But it's lead me to have a decently low opinion of... People. If it were up to me I wouldn't talk to another person again. But because I have to be an adult. I force myself to engage with coworkers and family and such.
I feel like I'm having whole conversations with people and the entire time in my head I'm just. Disinterested? Very very hateful. Sometimes suicidal thoughts get super bad at work and I have to just kinda work through it. Am I like a sociopath??
I hate the majority of my coworkers but they all think we're besties. I remember things I can bring up with them. But in my head it's not a "ooh I need to tell James this!" It's like a stupid game to me. Like I'm playing the Sims and I need to keep my relationship stats up with everyone. Recently I stopped speaking unless spoken to. And people are noticing I'm "quieter" then usual. People are asking if I'm okay.
This is just who I am! I'm sorry Ive accidentally pretended were good enough friends too hard and I can't play my character forever.
I need to kill myself SOON this shit is so tiring
I've never been public about suicidal ideation. I don't even know if most people would ever guess i'm depressed. I talk to people. I'm chatty. I smile alot. People like me.
I feel like everything's this big facade y'know? I don't connect with anyone. All my stupid brain does anymore is think about bad things to do to myself or just insult people I'm around. I know I don't mean anything. But it's lead me to have a decently low opinion of... People. If it were up to me I wouldn't talk to another person again. But because I have to be an adult. I force myself to engage with coworkers and family and such.
I feel like I'm having whole conversations with people and the entire time in my head I'm just. Disinterested? Very very hateful. Sometimes suicidal thoughts get super bad at work and I have to just kinda work through it. Am I like a sociopath??
I hate the majority of my coworkers but they all think we're besties. I remember things I can bring up with them. But in my head it's not a "ooh I need to tell James this!" It's like a stupid game to me. Like I'm playing the Sims and I need to keep my relationship stats up with everyone. Recently I stopped speaking unless spoken to. And people are noticing I'm "quieter" then usual. People are asking if I'm okay.
This is just who I am! I'm sorry Ive accidentally pretended were good enough friends too hard and I can't play my character forever.
I need to kill myself SOON this shit is so tiring
