Venting I dug my own grave...

[Tyme]

So some background info. Last april I prepared a noose in my room and rather stupidly I told my therapist about it. Yeaaaa... I think you can imagine how that went. I spent 3 weeks in a mental facility(thankfully it was not that bad), but the real problem was losing my only way out.

If we return to today, so I have a way to CTB that I hid in my room. I, once again, told my therapist(different one) tonight that I was feeling especially suicidal. He wanted me to give up my "means" but I refused so they put me in another room and blocked up my room. And now they expect me to give up my means after I see my psychiatrist on friday. The only problem is that I have no intention of giving up my only path to freedom. I've been struggling with chronic depression and suicidal thoughts for more than a year now and I'm sure that I will do it, I just don't know when. Any thoughts or advice on my predicament?
(sorry if this was hard to read. not a native speaker.)

 

[Noctis]

If you're looking for help, phrase it in a way that doesn't imply death. Something like "I'm desperately searching for a way to get through this" or "This is an especially difficult time and I need help."

 

[eternalmelancholy]

You need to stop bringing it up with your therapist. They will keep sending you to the psych ward. Your next stay might last even longer than 3 weeks. It is unfortunate but that is how things go. You can't go around saying this kind of stuff even to medical professionals.

I know it is extremely frustrating to keep everything bottled up. We are here to listen if you want to share your thoughts. There is no rush. You can decide to ctb when you feel ready. We all have been in the same boat. Suicide is really hard. There is no shame in hesitating or having doubts.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Can you come up with a new way in your new room? Maybe a new noose or tie or something? Say you snuck it out when moved. Give that to your therapist.