I used to see drinking huge amounts as a badge of glory. I could drink 1.5litres of whisky and still be walking around appearing sober.....
Problem was actually being sober meant I started to appear drunk, puking, shaking, seizing, terror.
Can leave you so weak you cannot stomach food, lose all your muscles mass, develop disease and the obvious liver, Pancreas, and stomach problems. Diabetes and eyesight is often a complication.
I'd recommend balancing your escapism with drugs not just playing Charles bukowski.
I do sound like in preaching, I guess I am because this is a E actly something what I'd have wrote when I was young and had a death wish. Alcohol can take away your courage and you won't think possible how heightened your SI can become when youre fucked with a chronic dependency. Please don't put yourself through that. If you haveto, as I did, at least sst try to Miss 3 days a week to keep the wolf from the door. But we all go our own path. Good luck to you.