Venting I don't want to wait but I have to

[kvorumese]

I've mentioned this in plenty of my previous vent threads, but the only thing holding me back from dying is me wanting to retire my parents first. And this is a commitment that will take me years (hopefully less than 10 though). And I have to wait before I die - that's so cruel, yet though it is completely self-inflicted. I could order SN right now, but there's something inside me that says "halt, for you have unfinished business". I swing between "I don't give a fuck about this unfinished business" and "I need to at least tie the loose ends beforehand". Right now my thinking is "just do it" - in essence it is impulsive, but these impulses are so frequent that I might as well consider them the norm at this point. I don't know where I'm going with this. Sorry. I just want to die already

 

[eupdplishlp]

in my opinion it shoudln't be an impulsive decisions as that can lead to mistakes. Impluses are demons of their own for sure but they can make us rush or forget things. have you thought into what the unfinished buisness could mean?

 

[kvorumese]

have you thought into what the unfinished buisness could mean?

Well yeah, first and foremost it's to retire my parents, but I also have a small optional bucketlist that I'd like to complete if possible. I don't really care about the latter though, it's more like a "if I can do it, that's awesome, otherwise whatever"

 

[ankawannadie]

The fact that you are willing to suffer so much for that long just to retire your parents . I wish you the best.