Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,203
After the horrible altercation with my family that resulted in police coming home ( I wasnt involved) and my brother being a verbally abusive ass, I left the house.
I just wanted to get away. From my stupid friend issues, my toxic family, etc
I went to a gaming place. The one I usually go to. I meant to go there anyways but now, wasn't in the mood. Was constantly crying and talking to myself. I had to tell 2 friends I wasnt having a good day and to leave me alone. They were receptive. One even gave me her number when I said I wasnt on social media anymore (I am but dont use it rn) and I appreciated that
Today, I dont know
I think I really, really have to set clearer boundaries for myself in what I feel safe to talk about. My friend, I know, didn't mean any harm by what he said. He was just saying how he felt in response to everything else he knows about my family. But I clearly wasnt in a good state of mind, and knowing that I opened up a can of worms that I knew would trigger me
I guess I created my own self sabotage and walked into a fire I know would hurt me
So now, I've chosen not to talk to him for the time person. Maybe I should be the "bigger person" but, I dont always want to have to be "right". sometimes I just want to be stubbornly to myself even if its wrong
And as for chat, well, I banned myself
I was being a dick and I cant trust myself not to lash out at people in my rage anymore
So for everyone sake I decided to ban myself. its for the best
Also I'll say it again before anyone makes a comment about it:
No I am not able to move out. I dont have any friends I am comfortable with enough to be roommates with (not to mention I'd be a shit mentally unstable one. I'd rather have my own studio first)
I also don't want to go to any emergency shelter or agency and add more issues into my life
I am starting a new job in 2 days and I plan to commit to and save money while working on building my credit (and with dads help financially) so I can one day get my own place so I can be away from all these toxic triggers. Please try to understand and don't judge my circumstances I've been judged enough (I hate I have to always explain myself)
I just wanted to get away. From my stupid friend issues, my toxic family, etc
I went to a gaming place. The one I usually go to. I meant to go there anyways but now, wasn't in the mood. Was constantly crying and talking to myself. I had to tell 2 friends I wasnt having a good day and to leave me alone. They were receptive. One even gave me her number when I said I wasnt on social media anymore (I am but dont use it rn) and I appreciated that
Today, I dont know
I think I really, really have to set clearer boundaries for myself in what I feel safe to talk about. My friend, I know, didn't mean any harm by what he said. He was just saying how he felt in response to everything else he knows about my family. But I clearly wasnt in a good state of mind, and knowing that I opened up a can of worms that I knew would trigger me
I guess I created my own self sabotage and walked into a fire I know would hurt me
So now, I've chosen not to talk to him for the time person. Maybe I should be the "bigger person" but, I dont always want to have to be "right". sometimes I just want to be stubbornly to myself even if its wrong
And as for chat, well, I banned myself
I was being a dick and I cant trust myself not to lash out at people in my rage anymore
So for everyone sake I decided to ban myself. its for the best
Also I'll say it again before anyone makes a comment about it:
No I am not able to move out. I dont have any friends I am comfortable with enough to be roommates with (not to mention I'd be a shit mentally unstable one. I'd rather have my own studio first)
I also don't want to go to any emergency shelter or agency and add more issues into my life
I am starting a new job in 2 days and I plan to commit to and save money while working on building my credit (and with dads help financially) so I can one day get my own place so I can be away from all these toxic triggers. Please try to understand and don't judge my circumstances I've been judged enough (I hate I have to always explain myself)
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