I don't want to live in this body anymore

[Cashewmilk]

The other day I had another IBS diarrhea attack. I'm assuming it was from not taking my lactase pills properly before eating my milk ingredient foods. Luckily it wasn't as prolonged this time but it was severe, I had my worst attack this past Dec, and again in Jan. The worst one lasted 4 hours of excruciating pain, diarrhea and vomiting.

Let me tell you about this pain and how I deal with it. It's the most severe horrific 10/10 lower abdominal pain, but that's not all. My entire body gets super hot, my heart races, my skin feels like it's literally on fire, it's burning. I can barely move but I use my arm to pour cold water all over myself and take off all my clothes, then my fingertips go numb. That's a sign it's going away. When the pain happens, I get a horrible panic attack, a feeling of imprisonment. There's nothing I can do. Nothing anyone can do, not even the ambulance, nobody can make it go away. No one. The ambulance or doctors won't do anything, it's IBS and I just have to deal with it, in fact they'll make it worse with their chaos. I need quiet and to concentrate, so I've never called the ambulance (or gotten anyone to, I couldn't operate a phone). They'll never sedate me or anything, my healthcare system is not that good. There is no escape, it's too painful to try and get a bowel movement out, I feel completely drained of energy... nowadays I use OTC pills like Buscopan and simethicone, and I just pray and beg for it to work. I keep a stash in the bathroom right next to the toilet, along with a cup for water. Last time I kept a scarf in the bathroom so I could try to hang myself or get unconscious or something, but my sister has since removed it.

I hate that I'll most likely go through this again, and again. It's terrifying and brutal that I'm imprisoned in this body that doesn't function properly. It's terrifying to accept that the human body is capable of such severe horrific pain... it really makes me want to ctb, but I don't know what method I can use, nothing has worked so far and clearly I can't handle anything ingested that will burn my gut. I'm just alive, being abused by my own body. It doesn't matter what I eat, I'm just broken. I know there are worse fates, but this pain is so horrific, I'm still not used to it. I've read that it's similar to childbirth, but I don't know because I've never given birth. I thought it was period pains many years ago, but it's gas pain, and now it's diarrheal cramps. Painkillers don't work I'm an opiate addict and my receptors are fucked, ibuprofen used to work but it's worse for my intestines... blah blah anyway I don't know what to do it's so scary

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That is so intense! I'm so sorry you go through this.

I hope it's not obnoxious that I ask - have you tried cannabis? Of course I knew someone with IBS, and of course it was the only thing that worked for him (smoking, tinctures, edibles), and so of course I am now an expert on what works for IBS! Nah, I don't know shit. I sincerely wish I knew something to make it better for you, that's all I got. [Edit: My bad, he had Crohn's disease.]

As far as ctb methods, can you do rectal plugging, or is that as inadvisable with your condition as anything that interacts with your gut? Have you considered the ReBreather? I've been pretty vocal that I'm iffy about it, and no one's done it yet, but it seems like it might be worth the risk if ctb is your choice and you are limited in peaceful methods. Also, about the scarf, can you keep one in your pocket or waistband so that you have it with you when you go into the bathroom?

 

[dibbydoo]

Hi CashewMilk

Are you able to fast at all?

I've suffered from very painful IBS too over the years, and fasting really helps!

Just water, no food for, let's say try 1 day for now and see how you go!

I fasted for 36 days, water only a few years back, water only, it was for spiritual reasons, but it had the added bonus of healing my body soooooo much!

I'm going to start a 40 Jesus Fast very soon, as things have got very bad for me & it's my last shot before I decide to 'ctb.'

BUT FOR YOU, RIGHT NOW, this week, one day water only, will you try for me?


It will begin to relieve the pressure on your intestines, ask me questions if you need more help,

ONE DAY, no more for now, & if you don't make it, we can try again

 

[AcornUnderground]

Please look up helminthic therapy on Facebook. There is a Facebook page that is a huge resource. Helminthic therapy can really really help if not cure IBS. You can find the success stories on their wiki page. It's not for everyone - you infect yourself with hookworms - I've done it for my autoimmune disease but it's not helping me however for IBS Chrohns and food allergies it can be very effective and really not gross if you look into it. They can't reproduce in your body so it's not like you get infested. They just live in your intestines and calm it down. I can tell you from firsthand experience it's not hard and not gross and not contaigious to anyone else. Harmless and can make a world of difference.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I am so sorry you're going through this debilitating pain. I know how that can wear down a persons will to live. I am no expert but I wanted to suggest powdered goats whey as a traditional remedy for digestive complaints overall, it is soothing to the GI tract, there is a brand you can buy called mineral matrix. All the best.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Shelterfromthestorm, powdered goats?? Was that a typo, or are goats dried out and turned to powder?

 

[AcornUnderground]

Some examples of IBS success on helminths

 

[Supersadmommy90]

@Shelterfromthestorm, powdered goats?? Was that a typo, or are goats dried out and turned to powder?

Lol powdered goats whey. It's the whey portion of the goats milk. It is a very good beverage for sick or elderly people with sensitive digestion, cancer patients for instance can usually keep it down when nothing else will stay down. It contains electrolytes and a matrix of minerals that is easily assimilated by the body. It's also naturally alkalizing and gets the gut into a state that is more conducive to good bacteria which aids in digestion. It's an all around great remedy, really!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Lol powdered goats whey. It's the whey portion of the goats milk.

I overlooked "whey," but I never really knew what it was anyway. That was a really interesting explanation of what it does!

 

[Emily123]

i have the same feeling . if my body was not botched by some surgeons , I would like to lived for ever . Now I need a new body and it is not possible

 

[Supersadmommy90]

i have the same feeling . if my body was not botched by some surgeons , I would like to lived for ever . Now I need a new body and it is not possible

I swear to God I'll never go to the hospital again. I've had so many traumatic run ins with the medical system that I just can't stand to look at another doctor or nurse. In my experience they've done more harm than good and they are never held accountable.

 

[yetme]

The other day I had another IBS diarrhea attack. I'm assuming it was from not taking my lactase pills properly before eating my milk ingredient foods. Luckily it wasn't as prolonged this time but it was severe, I had my worst attack this past Dec, and again in Jan. The worst one lasted 4 hours of excruciating pain, diarrhea and vomiting.

Let me tell you about this pain and how I deal with it. It's the most severe horrific 10/10 lower abdominal pain, but that's not all. My entire body gets super hot, my heart races, my skin feels like it's literally on fire, it's burning. I can barely move but I use my arm to pour cold water all over myself and take off all my clothes, then my fingertips go numb. That's a sign it's going away. When the pain happens, I get a horrible panic attack, a feeling of imprisonment. There's nothing I can do. Nothing anyone can do, not even the ambulance, nobody can make it go away. No one. The ambulance or doctors won't do anything, it's IBS and I just have to deal with it, in fact they'll make it worse with their chaos. I need quiet and to concentrate, so I've never called the ambulance (or gotten anyone to, I couldn't operate a phone). They'll never sedate me or anything, my healthcare system is not that good. There is no escape, it's too painful to try and get a bowel movement out, I feel completely drained of energy... nowadays I use OTC pills like Buscopan and simethicone, and I just pray and beg for it to work. I keep a stash in the bathroom right next to the toilet, along with a cup for water. Last time I kept a scarf in the bathroom so I could try to hang myself or get unconscious or something, but my sister has since removed it.

I hate that I'll most likely go through this again, and again. It's terrifying and brutal that I'm imprisoned in this body that doesn't function properly. It's terrifying to accept that the human body is capable of such severe horrific pain... it really makes me want to ctb, but I don't know what method I can use, nothing has worked so far and clearly I can't handle anything ingested that will burn my gut. I'm just alive, being abused by my own body. It doesn't matter what I eat, I'm just broken. I know there are worse fates, but this pain is so horrific, I'm still not used to it. I've read that it's similar to childbirth, but I don't know because I've never given birth. I thought it was period pains many years ago, but it's gas pain, and now it's diarrheal cramps. Painkillers don't work I'm an opiate addict and my receptors are fucked, ibuprofen used to work but it's worse for my intestines... blah blah anyway I don't know what to do it's so scary

Hey! I know what you're going through. I had IBS which ened up as a Crohn disease, which was a result of a bacterial infection. I live in constant pain now.
If you have a chance get yourself checked or better try antibiotic therapy and see if it helps

 

[Cashewmilk]

That is so intense! I'm so sorry you go through this.

I hope it's not obnoxious that I ask - have you tried cannabis? Of course I knew someone with IBS, and of course it was the only thing that worked for him (smoking, tinctures, edibles), and so of course I am now an expert on what works for IBS! Nah, I don't know shit. I sincerely wish I knew something to make it better for you, that's all I got. [Edit: My bad, he had Crohn's disease.]

As far as ctb methods, can you do rectal plugging, or is that as inadvisable with your condition as anything that interacts with your gut? Have you considered the ReBreather? I've been pretty vocal that I'm iffy about it, and no one's done it yet, but it seems like it might be worth the risk if ctb is your choice and you are limited in peaceful methods. Also, about the scarf, can you keep one in your pocket or waistband so that you have it with you when you go into the bathroom?

Aww thanks! I can't use cannabis, at least not the psychoactive type. I don't think I can anyway, I'm on methadone, who knows if I could use edibles. But anything that gets me high I can't, because I'll get an extreme anxiety attack that I can't control :(

Yeah I don't think I can do rectal plugging or suppository because of the gut issues... I've heard of the rebreather but I've never looked into it. I will probably have to hide the scarf better, I just threw it beside the toilet and made it look like dirty laundry, I'm sure my sister thought "oh why is the scarf in the bathroom eww, and isn't this my scarf?"...I would love to just get strangled and pass out while going through that pain again. I'm not actively searching for CTB methods at the moment, because of my hedgehog, I haven't planned anything for him as far as rehoming, so I'm staying for him right now, he needs me, he's reaching senior years and is special needs.... I can't just leave him. Plus I really enjoy some things in life right now, like gardening and insects, and watching seeds grow, and art, but it's all temporary, this lifestyle won't last forever. I'm dependent on other people and anything could happen to them, then I'm screwed, because I can't work or support myself. It's not that horrible yet, I've lived in a worse period than this, and I wish I could get N, I can take methadone with no issues on an empty stomach, so who knows, maybe I could also do SN? But there's no way I can get anything from a doctor as far as anti emetics. I still have to do more planning and research I guess :( believe me, I've been wanting to die since I was 14, I'm almost 32 now... I've had a horrible, horrible life and mental illness. I would love nothing more than to just go to sleep forever and never wake up.

 

[mothdust9]

The other day I had another IBS diarrhea attack. I'm assuming it was from not taking my lactase pills properly before eating my milk ingredient foods. Luckily it wasn't as prolonged this time but it was severe, I had my worst attack this past Dec, and again in Jan. The worst one lasted 4 hours of excruciating pain, diarrhea and vomiting.

Let me tell you about this pain and how I deal with it. It's the most severe horrific 10/10 lower abdominal pain, but that's not all. My entire body gets super hot, my heart races, my skin feels like it's literally on fire, it's burning. I can barely move but I use my arm to pour cold water all over myself and take off all my clothes, then my fingertips go numb. That's a sign it's going away. When the pain happens, I get a horrible panic attack, a feeling of imprisonment. There's nothing I can do. Nothing anyone can do, not even the ambulance, nobody can make it go away. No one. The ambulance or doctors won't do anything, it's IBS and I just have to deal with it, in fact they'll make it worse with their chaos. I need quiet and to concentrate, so I've never called the ambulance (or gotten anyone to, I couldn't operate a phone). They'll never sedate me or anything, my healthcare system is not that good. There is no escape, it's too painful to try and get a bowel movement out, I feel completely drained of energy... nowadays I use OTC pills like Buscopan and simethicone, and I just pray and beg for it to work. I keep a stash in the bathroom right next to the toilet, along with a cup for water. Last time I kept a scarf in the bathroom so I could try to hang myself or get unconscious or something, but my sister has since removed it.

I hate that I'll most likely go through this again, and again. It's terrifying and brutal that I'm imprisoned in this body that doesn't function properly. It's terrifying to accept that the human body is capable of such severe horrific pain... it really makes me want to ctb, but I don't know what method I can use, nothing has worked so far and clearly I can't handle anything ingested that will burn my gut. I'm just alive, being abused by my own body. It doesn't matter what I eat, I'm just broken. I know there are worse fates, but this pain is so horrific, I'm still not used to it. I've read that it's similar to childbirth, but I don't know because I've never given birth. I thought it was period pains many years ago, but it's gas pain, and now it's diarrheal cramps. Painkillers don't work I'm an opiate addict and my receptors are fucked, ibuprofen used to work but it's worse for my intestines... blah blah anyway I don't know what to do it's so scary

I'm so so sorry you're dealing with this. My heart goes out to you. I experienced something very similar after my gallbladder was (erroneously) removed. I temporarily developed something called dumping syndrome or rapid gastric emptying. It's sometimes caused by nerves in the stomach not working properly or too much bile. Some people have a genetic mutation that causes them to not reabsorb bile properly and it can cause IBS-D. Have you ever tried a bile binder like cholestyramine for the diarrhea? I just thought I'd throw that info out there in case it's helpful :)

 

[MotherOfCats]

I know you're not here for sympathy, but I feel just awful for you. Just going out and about must be traumatic. It's lovely to hear you still have an interest in life, sometimes just researching ctb and knowing there's a way out of you need it is empowering enough. And you have a hedgehog?!! That's awesome, any chance of a picture? I understand if you don't feel comfortable, but they're so sweet!

 

[Cashewmilk]

Hi CashewMilk

Are you able to fast at all?

I've suffered from very painful IBS too over the years, and fasting really helps!

Just water, no food for, let's say try 1 day for now and see how you go!

I fasted for 36 days, water only a few years back, water only, it was for spiritual reasons, but it had the added bonus of healing my body soooooo much!

I'm going to start a 40 Jesus Fast very soon, as things have got very bad for me & it's my last shot before I decide to 'ctb.'

BUT FOR YOU, RIGHT NOW, this week, one day water only, will you try for me?❤


It will begin to relieve the pressure on your intestines, ask me questions if you need more help,

ONE DAY, no more for now, & if you don't make it, we can try again

I could try... but I'm hypoglycemic, I have severe, severe hunger pains that turn into lethargy, low blood sugar, and shaking hands and loss of concentration, and almost fainting. I drink a ton of almond milk, I go through 2 bulk boxes of them in a week, that's 11.34 L in 1 week. It's so expensive, but it's literally the only thing that I can use to calm my low blood sugar, and I use it to coat my stomach before eating food, because I have horrible acid reflux. I can't eat any foods without having almond milk with it, or else my stomach and esophagus will burn. I can't drink real milk, I'm severely lactose intolerant, and who would want to drink that much cow milk anyway? gross I stopped eating food for almost 3-4 years on a regular basis because of my acid reflux, my teeth were so weak I had to use plastic forks I couldn't tolerate silver utensils it was too heavy and would hit my teeth. I went down to 98lbs at 5'4 tall, I was a skeleton. In the past 3 years I slowly gained weight, I'm a bit "overweight" I guess, at almost 160 lbs, but I'm so thankful honestly, it's so uncomfortable being so skinny like that. I also went to the dentist I got "emergency dental" and they fixed my front teeth so I can use metal forks again. I don't know what I'd do without almond milk. No one in my family understands, they're just shocked and horrified at the amount I go through, but they have no clue what it's like and no matter what I say, it goes in one ear and out the other, they've always been emotionally abusive towards me my whole life.

Anyways, yesterday I woke up and hadn't eaten anything, and I felt a little better.... so maybe I can try to cut down or something. But I had to eat something yesterday or the day before (I only eat one full meal once a day and that's dinner), I had to because I was very bloated and nothing was moving in my intestines, so that helped get some of the air out.

 

[selfhater]

It's terrifying and brutal that I'm imprisoned in this body that doesn't function properly. It's terrifying to accept that the human body is capable of such severe horrific pain...

this really terrifies me so so much, sorry for ur pain:(