I don't want to go, but i have been handed my hat.

[chronicpainnomore]

A little background: I am a veteran. After a parachute accident that injured my back, I underwent an experimental back surgery in the military, the results of which were dismal. I was left in chronic pain ever since, I was medically discharged from the military, and for 13 years, I have relied on opioids for pain control. Given the current moral panic over opioids, and the government strong-arming doctors into stopping prescribing of opioids, I am now left to suffer.

Other than the now uncontrolled suffering I now have to endure, I am happy in life. I am married to a wonderful woman, I have 2 boys that I love more than anything. I have SO MUCH to live for. But I am suffering and I can't find a doctor to actually give me the help I have relied on for over a decade to live a productive life.

I have purchased all the materials required to end my suffering with inert gas. I have constructed an Exit Bag, have a tank of nitrogen with a flowmeter to deliver precisely 15 liters per minute of nitrogen into the bag. One strong exhale, I'll pull the bag over my head, and I'll be unconscious in seconds, dead in minutes.
It will be a peaceful death, free of the suffering I am being made to endure in life. Everything is precisely as described in The Peaceful Pill Handbook, Final Exit, etc. I have researched and planned this ad nauseam.

Also, since I consider this murder on the part of the medical community, I have prepared documentation to be disseminated widely to make sure names of doctors, hospitals, clinics, and the VA are all publicly associated with the unnecessary death of a veteran.

Of course, all this can just be avoided if a doctor would show some courage and HELP ME.

But time is running out.

 

[typx]

That's a really tragic situation. That's one of the screwed up things about changes brought on by things like the opioid crisis... the people that get destroyed by it. I really hope everything goes as smoothly as it can.

 

[El Topo]

A little background: I am a veteran. After a parachute accident that injured my back, I underwent an experimental back surgery in the military, the results of which were dismal. I was left in chronic pain ever since, I was medically discharged from the military, and for 13 years, I have relied on opioids for pain control. Given the current moral panic over opioids, and the government strong-arming doctors into stopping prescribing of opioids, I am now left to suffer.

Other than the now uncontrolled suffering I now have to endure, I am happy in life. I am married to a wonderful woman, I have 2 boys that I love more than anything. I have SO MUCH to live for. But I am suffering and I can't find a doctor to actually give me the help I have relied on for over a decade to live a productive life.

I have purchased all the materials required to end my suffering with inert gas. I have constructed an Exit Bag, have a tank of nitrogen with a flowmeter to deliver precisely 15 liters per minute of nitrogen into the bag. One strong exhale, I'll pull the bag over my head, and I'll be unconscious in seconds, dead in minutes.
It will be a peaceful death, free of the suffering I am being made to endure in life. Everything is precisely as described in The Peaceful Pill Handbook, Final Exit, etc. I have researched and planned this ad nauseam.

Also, since I consider this murder on the part of the medical community, I have prepared documentation to be disseminated widely to make sure names of doctors, hospitals, clinics, and the VA are all publicly associated with the unnecessary death of a veteran.

Of course, all this can just be avoided if a doctor would show some courage and HELP ME.

But time is running out.

You are not the only one who is here due to chronic illness. It truly is unfortunate that the unintended victims of the opioid crackdown are legitimate pain patients like you. And a veteran too! No matter what someone's opinion on the American military's actions may be, I think we can all see that veterans are treated like shit by the government.

Did they cut off your medications cold-turkey?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

You are not the only one who is here due to chronic illness. It truly is unfortunate that the unintended victims of the opioid crackdown are legitimate pain patients like you. And a veteran too! No matter what someone's opinion on the American military's actions may be, I think we can all see that veterans are treated like shit by the government.

Did they cut off your medications cold-turkey?

They gave me a "taper dose." Over one month, I was supposed to take less and less until I was done. I just took my normal dose and ran out 2 weeks early. I don't care about withdrawals, I'm not an addict. I care about the pain.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Here's the exit bag I just made.

 

[war-is-lost]

I am sorry to hear about your predicament. How long do you think you can hold out without the pain meds?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I am sorry to hear about your predicament. How long do you think you can hold out without the pain meds?

I don't think very long. In my mind it's scary how I'm starting to accept CTB. It feels like it's going to happen soon, like a plane reservation. I'm preparing for it.

 

[war-is-lost]

I don't think very long. In my mind it's scary how I'm starting to accept CTB. It feels like it's going to happen soon, like a plane reservation. I'm preparing for it.

I understand the hell you are in and I am not trying to talk you out of it. But have you made arrangements for your children? There must be ways to get pain meds for legit purposes. Have you looked across state?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I understand the hell you are in and I am not trying to talk you out of it. But have you made arrangements for your children? There must be ways to get pain meds for legit purposes. Have you looked across state?

I'm still looking all over the place, making calls. Hoping someone will see what's going on and refer me to the right person, or even a doctor step in and save the day. All that is going on, but I'm also very actively preparing for CTB. And as far as my children, what possible arrangements can be made? Me CTB will devastate them and I'm selfish as hell for that, but it's like I say in all my damning documentation, this is murder by the medical community.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Well today didn't help. Another doctor, another "NO." And the way out is sitting here in my house. Just have to put it on and turn the knob.

 

[FakeNews]

I'm sorry you are in pain and wish the world give you the medication you need.

I hope that your documentation serves a purpose, but the skeptic in me fears that it will be portrayed as a drug addict took the easy way out. It's horrible how the media can distort situations and our society doesn't question, they just follow along.

The real world is messy as hell. There are very few bright lines, there are a million shades of grey. But we, as a society, want easy answers - is it right or wrong? Black or white? We are intellectually lazy.

Sorry for the rant. I wish you peace.

 

[Hikingcat]

I'm so sorry that they took away your pain medication. They're put you in a terrible place having to choose between dealing with pain like that and dying. I hope you can find a way to get them.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I'm sorry you are in pain and wish the world give you the medication you need.

I hope that your documentation serves a purpose, but the skeptic in me fears that it will be portrayed as a drug addict took the easy way out. It's horrible how the media can distort situations and our society doesn't question, they just follow along.

The real world is messy as hell. There are very few bright lines, there are a million shades of grey. But we, as a society, want easy answers - is it right or wrong? Black or white? We are intellectually lazy.

Sorry for the rant. I wish you peace.

No, I enjoy rants. It's what I want to do more of, but I'm so depressed right now, each keystroke is work.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I'm so sorry that they took away your pain medication. They're put you in a terrible place having to choose between dealing with pain like that and dying. I hope you can find a way to get them.

Me too. But the realist in me knows this story will likely end with a bag on my head.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

And another thing: I want to flat out tell these people: I am about 5 seconds away from CTB and your name WILL be tied to it. But the second I do that, I'll get a 30 day vacay in Club Mental and they'll probably confiscate my gear. I am stuck in every sense of the word.

 

[I want to end it]

Sorry to hear your story. I believe in the right to ctb. I wish you peace.

For the exit bag, how do you pull the bag over your head without letting air in from the bottom?

 

[FakeNews]

And another thing: I want to flat out tell these people: I am about 5 seconds away from CTB and your name WILL be tied to it. But the second I do that, I'll get a 30 day vacay in Club Mental and they'll probably confiscate my gear. I am stuck in every sense of the word.

Have you tried approaching a reporter with your story? Not threatening suicide because that isn't going to go anywhere. But your story of a vet in real need that is caught in society's deamonizing pain medication. If you could get them to take the story, it might help you by either getting meds you need, or if you CTB after the story had a little traction - it might become a big story to help others.

Just a thought.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Sorry to hear your story. I believe in the right to ctb. I wish you peace.

For the exit bag, how do you pull the bag over your head without letting air in from the bottom?

Well, a little air will inevitably get in, but if you have your flow at 15 LPM, it should be flushed out before it's too big of a problem.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Have you tried approaching a reporter with your story? Not threatening suicide because that isn't going to go anywhere. But your story of a vet in real need that is caught in society's deamonizing pain medication. If you could get them to take the story, it might help you by either getting meds you need, or if you CTB after the story had a little traction - it might become a big story to help others.

Just a thought.

Yes, I am in contact with a few reporters right now. They are aware of everything, including the possibility of CTB and the system I have set up if that happens. I already make sure they know every time I learn of another chronic pain sufferer CTB. People are starting to wake up to the reality of what they've done I think, but it's not happening fast enough.

 

[FullFat]

Your story is so infuriating. You deserve better from our country for your service.

Moral panic sounds like the right word to describe this. People always care more about eradicating addiction as an end in itself than they do about actually helping addicts. And with the disdain they show addicts, people they consider human trash, it's no wonder that crackdowns like this punish innocent people as well. People don't give a fuck about you once they decide you're a dirty, useless addict.

Apparently, injured soldiers can't even catch a break from this judgmental BS. Disgraceful.

I hope you are able to make enough noise so you can get some help and push for changes. You shouldn't have to die for this. I understand why you want to though. My tolerance for pain is crap. I probably would have given up long before you.

 

[Karl30]

What about buying opioids from the darknet?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

What about buying opioids from the darknet?

Hell no. 5 years ago, maybe. But now, they've gotten pill presses and are cranking out counterfeits made with fentanyl or carfentanyl. They're so potent that when people OD on them, the Narcan isn't strong enough to counteract it.

You might be thinking, "You're suicidal, what do you have to lose?" But when I go, it will be on my own terms, not because some idiot sold me fake oxy's with Chinese fentanyl in them.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

Your story is so infuriating. You deserve better from our country for your service.

Moral panic sounds like the right word to describe this. People always care more about eradicating addiction as an end in itself than they do about actually helping addicts. And with the disdain they show addicts, people they consider human trash, it's no wonder that crackdowns like this punish innocent people as well. People don't give a fuck about you once they decide you're a dirty, useless addict.

Apparently, injured soldiers can't even catch a break from this judgmental BS. Disgraceful.

I hope you are able to make enough noise so you can get some help and push for changes. You shouldn't have to die for this. I understand why you want to though. My tolerance for pain is crap. I probably would have given up long before you.

I'm trying to get more people to start using moral panic because that's exactly what it is. These days, people don't even say "You're on crack." as a put-down. They say "You're on opioids." They've succeeded in turning that word into a naughty word, and anyone who takes them is treated as a lowlife addict.

Just remember: The same media that is working overtime to drum up an opioid panic also gave us this gem:

 

[CatLover]

Hello - just wanted to poke my head over the parapet and say I have a chronic pain condition too and that's also my reason for being here. I still have SOME pain relief but they are constantly trying to stop it and fighting for it is exhausting me and destroying my mental health. It makes me really angry - opioids are for chronic pain, that is the CORRECT usage for them. Like you, I have no history of addiction or drug/alcohol abuse. I am just hoping that I can somehow hold on to the meds until this stupid moral panic has moved on to something else. I honestly don't know what I'd do with NO pain relief. My heart goes out to you. And after serving in the military, too, that's just wrong that you're being treated like this :(
For me, my quality of life has kind of gone with or without the meds, I can't do any of the things I used to enjoy about life, have lost my mobility and social life etc. My life is just miserable. And that's without even my fight for disability payments (don't ask)...
I'm in no great rush, at the moment I'm gathering information and want to have the means and a plan for when/if things become unbearable.

 

[anna]

I also have chronic pain.
When I suggested to my doctor to prescribe opioids, did he look at me with "you're crazy"? ... And he just said "No, I'm not going to prescribe that."

It's disgustingly shameful what they're doing
As "chronicpainnomore" said that they are directly responsible for pushing us to the limit

 

[CatLover]

Hello Anna
I am sorry to hear you're in the same situation too. I feel so bad for anyone who has to go through this hell. Chronic pain is bad enough without this current bullshit about the medication.
I've seen a few stories recently that have shown 'the other side' where patients like us are basically living in hell without pain relief because of this reluctance to prescribe opioids but it doesn't seem to be helping shift the narrative.
Even if it did lead to addiction, I'm fine with that. I'd rather be an addict than constantly in pain. As it happens I have no addictive tendencies, so it probably won't.
I basically destroyed by stomach lining with naproxen (which I took instead for a while as a 'swap') which still isn't getting better now two years on. They seem to not be concerned about that at all and nor were they when they prescribed it. The hypocrisy in this is staggering.

 

[anna]

Hello Anna
I am sorry to hear you're in the same situation too. I feel so bad for anyone who has to go through this hell. Chronic pain is bad enough without this current bullshit about the medication.
I've seen a few stories recently that have shown 'the other side' where patients like us are basically living in hell without pain relief because of this reluctance to prescribe opioids but it doesn't seem to be helping shift the narrative.
Even if it did lead to addiction, I'm fine with that. I'd rather be an addict than constantly in pain. As it happens I have no addictive tendencies, so it probably won't.
I basically destroyed by stomach lining with naproxen (which I took instead for a while as a 'swap') which still isn't getting better now two years on. They seem to not be concerned about that at all and nor were they when they prescribed it. The hypocrisy in this is staggering.

Thank you, I also regret this situation for you.
Yes, they are hypocrites who only see numbers in their bank accounts.
They have no empathy, no honesty.
They act without scruples.
They have us trapped in their web.

 

[Sonnenblume]

I have similar issues, they keep trying to put me on antidepressants for neuropathy pain. Ive tried a bunch over the years, they never freakin work. They probably get a kick back from the drug company for the prescriptions, fuckers.

 

[CatLover]

Hi Sonnenblume
Yeah, when I was (much) younger I remember begging to be put on anti-depressants as I honestly thought everything could be fixed by taking a magic pill. I've been on and off them all my life but I now refuse to take them.
Honestly, I don't think they did anything for me - anything that they did do was likely just a kind of placebo effect, perhaps I thought that things would get better now so therefore they did (for a bit).
Again with side effects, all anti-depressants have done is make me massively fat. I stopped taking duloxetine now over two years ago and am still not back to 'normal' size. It's like I'm slowly deflating. It's a side effect they refuse to even acknowledge. Every single person I know IRL who has been on anti-depressants has basically ballooned and yet the doctors deny there's a link... try to put it on me with questions about my 'diet' and how 'difficult' it is to exercise with chronic pain - nothing has changed in either, the only thing that has changed is this new medication, therefore it seems obvious to me what the problem is.
But it's like the ONLY side effects they care about are with opioids. Putting on a huge amount of weight was no good for me on many levels and much more damaging than any of the opioid side effects, but again, they don't care.
I can't see how it would help with neuropathy pain... I was forced to try all kinds of shit before they let me stay on the opioids (that worked). I think there was some anti-epilepsy drug - maybe it was amiltryptiline? Something like that. Made me feel like a zombie, I had to stop taking it when I realised I'd walked out into the road in a world of my own and not looked to see if any cars were coming. But sure, opioids are dangerous :(

 

[shattered dreams]

A little background: I am a veteran. After a parachute accident that injured my back, I underwent an experimental back surgery in the military, the results of which were dismal. I was left in chronic pain ever since, I was medically discharged from the military, and for 13 years, I have relied on opioids for pain control. Given the current moral panic over opioids, and the government strong-arming doctors into stopping prescribing of opioids, I am now left to suffer.

Other than the now uncontrolled suffering I now have to endure, I am happy in life. I am married to a wonderful woman, I have 2 boys that I love more than anything. I have SO MUCH to live for. But I am suffering and I can't find a doctor to actually give me the help I have relied on for over a decade to live a productive life.

I have purchased all the materials required to end my suffering with inert gas. I have constructed an Exit Bag, have a tank of nitrogen with a flowmeter to deliver precisely 15 liters per minute of nitrogen into the bag. One strong exhale, I'll pull the bag over my head, and I'll be unconscious in seconds, dead in minutes.
It will be a peaceful death, free of the suffering I am being made to endure in life. Everything is precisely as described in The Peaceful Pill Handbook, Final Exit, etc. I have researched and planned this ad nauseam.

Also, since I consider this murder on the part of the medical community, I have prepared documentation to be disseminated widely to make sure names of doctors, hospitals, clinics, and the VA are all publicly associated with the unnecessary death of a veteran.

Of course, all this can just be avoided if a doctor would show some courage and HELP ME.

But time is running out.

Starting this year my pain clinic has become super busy with a long wait in the waiting room. I asked them what is going on, and they said regular doctors cannot prescribe opiate pain medication anymore. I am on medicaid, but I would think the VA can refer you to a pain specialist who can prescribe your medication. That is horrible what they are doing to you.