Venting I don't want to feel like a woman anymore.

[edu0z]

I feel like a woman for as long as I can remember. But as much as I look in the mirror, I'm not a woman lol. I just want these feelings to go away and be able to be a man and stop being so weak.

All this happens because I am weak, no matter how hard I try, we have the body that is given at birth, I must stop daydreaming. He would never like someone like me, I'm horrible... I'm a man hahahaha

I should just kill myself. I wish I hadn't failed my attempt two years ago, I wish I had never been born.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

it's much more complicated than just being happy with the body you were given at birth.

I'll never personally know the struggle of gender dysphoria, but I see the suffering it caused my old friends and millions of other trans people. the last word I'd use to describe them, or you, is "weak". it's fucking hard.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Gender dysmorphia is so cruel. I'm so sorry. Do you know what would happen if you took male hormones- like testosterone? Would that help? I'm so naive about it to be honest. I don't exactly know what it is that causes gender dysmorphia. I wonder- if it's hormonal though- whether taking more male hormones would counter it? Can doctors or psychiatrists help?

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I feel like a woman for as long as I can remember. But as much as I look in the mirror, I'm not a woman lol. I just want these feelings to go away and be able to be a man and stop being so weak.

Hello @edu0z,
I'm so so sorry, because I believe what you are going through is a pure torture. But I'm afraid that even the word "torture" is understatement.
I'm not trans, so I don't have first-hand experience, but I have a friend who is a trans woman, and I feel like her life is a living hell.

All this happens because I am weak, no matter how hard I try, we have the body that is given at birth, I must stop daydreaming. He would never like someone like me, I'm horrible... I'm a man hahahaha

I think you are an woman, so feeling like an woman might be a kind of inevitable. Sorry I might be a cruel person.
Society has heavily promoted "conversion therapy," which is an attempt to change a person's gender identity or sexual orientation, but despite that, it has been proved ineffective countless times. (It's merely a punishment, not a real treatment, I guess.)

My trans friend sometimes she says "I wish I can live as a man normally. No matter how hard I try to improve my make-up, people still see me as a man. I'm destined to live as a man, or kill myself. "
I watched her severely depressed and attempted CTB several times. She's extremely strong woman in general, but staying alive as a trans person requires Herculean effort, I guess.

I read your another thread, and you seem to be able to love yourself.
Of course I'm not an expert, so I don't know what's the best for you, but do you think you are an woman when you love yourself? If so, "conversion therapy" isn't likely to work, I think.

I should just kill myself. I wish I hadn't failed my attempt two years ago, I wish I had never been born.

Sometimes CTB is inevitable, I think, but only you know if it is the case. Of course I don't want to lose you, but I'm just a stranger on the internet forum, so I completely support your decision.

Sorry a bit long but thanks for reading
Please kindly let me know if I'm misunderstanding you.

May your life be a bit less unbearable

LoiteringClouds

 

[venin]

I feel like a woman for as long as I can remember. But as much as I look in the mirror, I'm not a woman lol. I just want these feelings to go away and be able to be a man and stop being so weak.

All this happens because I am weak, no matter how hard I try, we have the body that is given at birth, I must stop daydreaming. He would never like someone like me, I'm horrible... I'm a man hahahaha

I should just kill myself. I wish I hadn't failed my attempt two years ago, I wish I had never been born.

How did you attempt then?

 

[edu0z]

Gender dysmorphia is so cruel. I'm so sorry. Do you know what would happen if you took male hormones- like testosterone? Would that help? I'm so naive about it to be honest. I don't exactly know what it is that causes gender dysmorphia. I wonder- if it's hormonal though- whether taking more male hormones would counter it? Can doctors or psychiatrists help?

I used to be a very sporty person going to the gym every day and building muscle mass, that made me look very manly. That gave me more confidence in myself and there was a time when I even thought that I was finally the same as all the other boys and that I didn't have to feel different. But then I fell in love with a friend and whenever I was around him I felt like a little girl and that made me feel so helpless since I didn't know what to do with those feelings and I felt pathetic since he saw me in a way but I felt like someone else and I didn't know how to change that false image that I've been creating for so many years as an idiot. I just want those feelings to go away, to be able to have a normal life, no matter what I try, people will never see me as a woman and a guy will never be attracted to me. I've had sex with other girls for inertia and because it's the "right" thing to do, because that's the way it should be. But I've never been with a guy because I'm terrified of showing myself as I really am and being rejected or seen as a jerk. I feel pathetic, I hate my voice, I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate my stupid brain. I hate everything about me.

I would give anything to have things that others take for granted, things they are born with... but we have what we have. I'm not even asking to be a model, just to be like any other normal girl.

Hello @edu0z,
I'm so so sorry, because I believe what you are going through is a pure torture. But I'm afraid that even the word "torture" is understatement.
I'm not trans, so I don't have first-hand experience, but I have a friend who is a trans woman, and I feel like her life is a living hell.


I think you are an woman, so feeling like an woman might be a kind of inevitable. Sorry I might be a cruel person.
Society has heavily promoted "conversion therapy," which is an attempt to change a person's gender identity or sexual orientation, but despite that, it has been proved ineffective countless times. (It's merely a punishment, not a real treatment, I guess.)

My trans friend sometimes she says "I wish I can live as a man normally. No matter how hard I try to improve my make-up, people still see me as a man. I'm destined to live as a man, or kill myself. "
I watched her severely depressed and attempted CTB several times. She's extremely strong woman in general, but staying alive as a trans person requires Herculean effort, I guess.

I read your another thread, and you seem to be able to love yourself.
Of course I'm not an expert, so I don't know what's the best for you, but do you think you are an woman when you love yourself? If so, "conversion therapy" isn't likely to work, I think.


Sometimes CTB is inevitable, I think, but only you know if it is the case. Of course I don't want to lose you, but I'm just a stranger on the internet forum, so I completely support your decision.

Sorry a bit long but thanks for reading
Please kindly let me know if I'm misunderstanding you.

May your life be a bit less unbearable

LoiteringClouds

Hello thank you very much. Talk therapy is true. I had a friend who was the first one I told how I felt and she was so great that she started treating me like a woman and that made me feel so good, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. She gave me the idea to start acting like myself on social media first and it was really cool for a while despite the bullying from people who knew me from before. I felt there was hope. But then I go out and face reality and I hide all that behind the image of "strong, masculine and attractive man" that I have created to feel safe with other people and to be accepted. Then I get home and I can't do anything but cry because I feel like I'm cheating on myself and the people I love, I feel like I'm living another life that's not mine or as if my body has been changed and I'm a fake or an actor who does not live a real life but a movie that sooner or later is going to end.

I read your another thread, and you seem to be able to love yourself.
Of course I'm not an expert, so I don't know what's the best for you, but do you think you are an woman when you love yourself? If so, "conversion therapy" isn't likely to work, I think.

There was a time when I thought I could finally live like a normal man. I had a circle of friends, I slept with girls and I didn't dislike them at all. But then I fell in love with my best friend and all those feelings that I've been hiding for years since elementary school intensified and I couldn't stop thinking that the life I was living was a fake and that I was just trying to feel as comfortable as possible in myself. situation but that is not what I really want and it is not who I really am... Sorry for the drama, lately I feel like I can't take it anymore and that I'm going to




I apologize to everyone for the drama and for telling about my boring and disgusting life. I can't talk about this with anyone anymore and I needed to get it off my chest because I was about to explode. If anyone has been offended, I apologize, I did not mean to make anyone feel bad, I just wanted to speak from my personal experience and I am not generalizing anyone. Again, sorry and thank you very much everyone

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello thank you very much. Talk therapy is true. I had a friend who was the first one I told how I felt and she was so great that she started treating me like a woman and that made me feel so good, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. She gave me the idea to start acting like myself on social media first and it was really cool for a while despite the bullying from people who knew me from before. I felt there was hope. But then I go out and face reality and I hide all that behind the image of "strong, masculine and attractive man" that I have created to feel safe with other people and to be accepted. Then I get home and I can't do anything but cry because I feel like I'm cheating on myself and the people I love, I feel like I'm living another life that's not mine or as if my body has been changed and I'm a fake or an actor who does not live a real life but a movie that sooner or later is going to end.

Thanks for your reply and I'm so sorry for your situation...
My friend said she used to play a "strong and masculine man" in public, in order to stop feeling like an woman, and it backfired on her later. Later she stopped it and started to dress in gender-neutral or a bit feminine clothes, but because of it she faced a various kind of discrimination. But she said "it's far better than playing masculine man. If I have to live as a man for the rest of my life, the best thing I can do is, sadly, suicide." She has a history of multiple CTB attempts.

There was a time when I thought I could finally live like a normal man. I had a circle of friends, I slept with girls and I didn't dislike them at all. But then I fell in love with my best friend and all those feelings that I've been hiding for years since elementary school intensified and I couldn't stop thinking that the life I was living was a fake and that I was just trying to feel as comfortable as possible in myself. situation but that is not what I really want and it is not who I really am... Sorry for the drama, lately I feel like I can't take it anymore and that I'm going to

I heard many trans people go through this period, but eventually they find their true self and realize they can't stop being an woman (in case of trans women.)

I apologize to everyone for the drama and for telling about my boring and disgusting life. I can't talk about this with anyone anymore and I needed to get it off my chest because I was about to explode. If anyone has been offended, I apologize, I did not mean to make anyone feel bad, I just wanted to speak from my personal experience and I am not generalizing anyone. Again, sorry and thank you very much everyone

You don't have to apologize - what we want is your well-being
Personally I didn't get offended at all.
Thanks for sharing your story - it's painful (or excruciating) memories I guess - and thanks for reading

 

[Octavia]

Have you considered the idea of getting on HRT? It can work wonders, if you manage to start it without first puberty taking place then you would basically look cis. Even starting it after first puberty has occurred can be highly effective, most start to see results at the 1 or 2 year mark and the 5th year mark would usually look like a completely different person.