Venting I don't want to die, but there's no other way out

[lammergeier]

I'm about to attempt ctb again for the tenth, eighth at the very least, time this year. Hopefully this will be the last attempt, but my record of failures suggests that it's possible I could end up living. If I survive, I'll post a comment in this thread.

There's so much I wish I could have done and I had so many things to look forward to, but at the same time I have no future and everything's just too much right now. I don't want to die, but death is the escape I have. I wish all of us here could live, but life isn't kind like that. If this is my last post, you can be sure I've died. We'll see.

 

[your pathologist]

If you're still there... what method have you chosen?

If not, I hope you find your peace
This place is too cruel to the kindest people

 

[TiredHorse]

Fair winds and clear skies, Lammergeier. I hope the escape you have chosen brings the peace you need.

 

[lammergeier]

If you're still there... what method have you chosen?

If not, I hope you find your peace
This place is too cruel to the kindest people

I tried to do partial suspension with a necktie inside my bedroom closet. Needless to say, it failed.

 

[lammergeier]

Thank you both for your kind words, unfortunately I failed once again. I'll be trying it again tomorrow, though, because I have to die.

 

[TiredHorse]

Sorry to hear things didn't go as planned, Lammergeier. I hope the next attempt gives you what you need.

 

[Ashpac]

I dont know you but thats unfortunate. Was it the survival instinct that kicked in and stopped you from doing it?

 

[lammergeier]

I dont know you but thats unfortunate. Was it the survival instinct that kicked in and stopped you from doing it?

This time it wasn't the survival instinct, it was actually that the noose wasn't putting pressure on the carotid like it was supposed to. Which is strange, considering how I had much better luck with it the other night.

 

[TiredHorse]

This time it wasn't the survival instinct, it was actually that the noose wasn't putting pressure on the carotid like it was supposed to. Which is strange, considering how I had much better luck with it the other night.

That must be impossibly frustrating! I'm so sorry.

 

[lammergeier]

That must be impossibly frustrating! I'm so sorry.

It was, finding that 'sweet spot' is much harder than it seems. Partial suspension in general is hard because it takes conscious effort to achieve, it's never guaranteed to be lethal.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Partial is very hard to do correctly. With enough training, you should be able to do it. I wish you the best.

 

[TAW122]

I hope you are able to succeed and be at peace.

 

[TheLastTrip]

I know the pain of failed attempts lammergeier so you have my sympathy. I hope it works this time and you find peace.

 

[lammergeier]

Thank you all for the support, the good news is that I found some rope in the basement. I'm sure it will be more effective than the necktie. Wish you all the best, I'll be attempting again soon.

 

[Retched]

Partial is hard. I've tried it a few times and can't get past a floaty sort of feeling before survival kicks in. Good luck and hope you find peace.