Venting I don't want to die but there doesn't seem to be a way out

[losingsteam3141]

Im in grad school and at risk of not reaching my intended career due to unfounded accusations. This career is the only way I can pay off hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. The shame and the fact that I will be financially ruined can only lead me to ctb. I don't want to die. I try to look at my situation logically and everytime I come to the conclusion that there is no way out. I don't know what to do. Im so scared.

 

[Worndown]

There are a lot of unknowns here.

Is there a different career using your education?

Can you defend against these accusations?

Most situations have options that have not been considered.

 

[willitpass]

Even if it is in fact impossible to get this career path, there are other ways to go that would get you a career and enough money to pay off your debts. There are many trades that don't take much schooling and pay incredibly well. That is one potential option.

 

[losingsteam3141]

There are a lot of unknowns here.

Is there a different career using your education?

Can you defend against these accusations?

Most situations have options that have not been considered.

No, its a very specialized degree. I might be able to because it is someones word. I don't understand how that person convinced my classmates so easily. I already know that these accusations have been brought to administration before I even stepped foot on campus, because an administrator tauntingly hinted at it. I'm scared that enough students will hear these rumors and come together to bring the issue again to the administration. The disciplinary process at high education is not like the court of law. They can decide my fate however they feel like it. There doesn't need to be any damning evidence. Enough voices will probably get the admin to sway. My classmates can just fill out a complaint form against me and if enough people do it, I will be called in. Since I have lost the benefit of the doubt to administration, people can just make something up about me and my life will be over. Though I haven't even been directly addressed informally or formally, the paranoia and anxiety is almost too much.

Even if it is in fact impossible to get this career path, there are other ways to go that would get you a career and enough money to pay off your debts. There are many trades that don't take much schooling and pay incredibly well. That is one potential option.

Im almost 27. I have no girlfriend, my friends are slowly fading away and my parents are aging. I obviously would have to live with my parents and by the time I've paid off my debts, I will be too old to find someone and start a family. I would not be able to keep any friends due to the shame of failing to reach my dream career.

 

[botanist_dude]

If things can't really get better... do my plan: just fucking dissappear. Go to another country, work there and just literally build a different life. I know it's easier said than done, but it's not impossible

 

[undecided]

OP, you're young. You WILL get through this! Even if you have to do prison time, you'll get through it. Please reconsider.... you have plenty of time to build a new life. I wish you the best. Stay strong!

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I feel this way too, I see no out of the pain in my life. I hope reincarnation is real, id like a fresh second chance

 

[brokeandbroken]

Im in grad school and at risk of not reaching my intended career due to unfounded accusations. This career is the only way I can pay off hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. The shame and the fact that I will be financially ruined can only lead me to ctb. I don't want to die. I try to look at my situation logically and everytime I come to the conclusion that there is no way out. I don't know what to do. Im so scared.

As someone there and not due to faults of my own. It's grim. No friends, no career, no nothing. Just misery. Not that long ago I was in medical school.

 

[landslide2]

From what you're saying, you don't actually know if anything has been said at all. This hinting thing could be a misunderstanding and resulting from the anxiety and paranoia you're feeling making you think the worst.

 

[losingsteam3141]

If things can't really get better... do my plan: just fucking dissappear. Go to another country, work there and just literally build a different life. I know it's easier said than done, but it's not impossible

I've always wanted to live in London. Just don't know how that can work with the debt or a different career

OP, you're young. You WILL get through this! Even if you have to do prison time, you'll get through it. Please reconsider.... you have plenty of time to build a new life. I wish you the best. Stay strong!

Thank you for the kind words. Thankfully, its nothing as serious as prison. I don't know, this experience is permanently changing me for the worse.

I feel this way too, I see no out of the pain in my life. I hope reincarnation is real, id like a fresh second chance

I would do anything for another fresh start. Odds are I would end up happier than I am now haha

As someone there and not due to faults of my own. It's grim. No friends, no career, no nothing. Just misery. Not that long ago I was in medical school.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. I might soon be in the same situation as you. I wish you the best.

From what you're saying, you don't actually know if anything has been said at all. This hinting thing could be a misunderstanding and resulting from the anxiety and paranoia you're feeling making you think the worst.

Unfortunately, I know it is not my paranoia and people have been hinting at me heavy handedly. Knowing people I have never even talked to hate me hurts. Knowing my life is teetering on the edge is sometimes unbearable.