lucacaro
Star
- Dec 17, 2020
- 212
First - sorry for posting so much.
Anyways, I'm gonna try SN again and I usually don't plan things out so much but.. maybe I'll give myself a general date this time? February.. maybe.
I know that when I die I want to talk to the person I really like before I do. They know I'm suicidal and they were part of the reason why I didn't drink SN a few days ago. I had messaged them before I took a single sip.
But I've been thinking about it and... I don't know it just seems like a shitty thing to do. Like I know I'm more emotionally invested in them than they are me but surely they won't feel the best if I involve them. I wanted to drink first this time then talk to them but I don't want to make them feel bad? I also don't just wanna disappear without a word. I don't know what to do. It's scary to do it alone and not have final words with them. I really really like them. They're the best thing in the world to me and it's so hard to leave them. I just want to tell them what I think and what's going on but I really don't want to burden them. Ugh
Plus It's risky, they know my address. Maybe I need to find a new location to die at... :/
Anyways, I'm gonna try SN again and I usually don't plan things out so much but.. maybe I'll give myself a general date this time? February.. maybe.
I know that when I die I want to talk to the person I really like before I do. They know I'm suicidal and they were part of the reason why I didn't drink SN a few days ago. I had messaged them before I took a single sip.
But I've been thinking about it and... I don't know it just seems like a shitty thing to do. Like I know I'm more emotionally invested in them than they are me but surely they won't feel the best if I involve them. I wanted to drink first this time then talk to them but I don't want to make them feel bad? I also don't just wanna disappear without a word. I don't know what to do. It's scary to do it alone and not have final words with them. I really really like them. They're the best thing in the world to me and it's so hard to leave them. I just want to tell them what I think and what's going on but I really don't want to burden them. Ugh
Plus It's risky, they know my address. Maybe I need to find a new location to die at... :/