i don't want to be old 💔

[blush]

it feels strange to think this so i'm gonna say it anyway. time passes too quickly and age, especially for those of us with early trauma, can feel like a burden.

older people have hurt me, and i don't want to turn into them. older people suffer more, and i don't want to end up that way. less people care about you the older you become.

appearance degrades, you slowly become out of touch, and the mind becomes more closed. the thought of "becoming like" my abusers sickens me.

i wish i could freeze my age now. do you feel similarly?

 

[lawlietsph]

I feel this. I turned 30 a month ago and it was devastating. Not because 30 is old, but because mentally i feel like i'm still a 6 years old little girl, and I don't know how to go through life like this. I'm still sleeping with my plushies...
Started to pay more attention to my wrinkles, and i feel like it's only downhill from here. My youth was wasted due to mental illnesses, i just feel weird and i'm just a little baby who wants to be loved. Pathetic...

 

[sanctionedusage]

people on here tend to get pretty offended and turn condescending when the topic of age is brought up. god forbid you're 20 and under and have this thought.

 

[Dinozauria]

I feel the same way
I, thankfully, haven't been hurt by older people, so I don't have to burden the worry of becoming similar to anyone, but I do dread the thought of living long enough to where my body starts to degrade, and I'm treated with less sympathy

 

[Kamaainakupua]

I remember wishing I would not live to be 12, then 16, then 18, etc. I first missed the bus at 22, and I'm definitely 'over the hill', now. Each year around my birthday I get really squirrelly, but I have come to accept that aging is a mental challenge, far more than a physical one (I'm sure that will change if I keep racking up more time). My therapist and I play a game where she is "Forever 21", like the store. Actually, it's me playing the game and her smiling and nodding, but the point is that some people don't seem to show their years as much as others. Not just maturity or physical changes, but state of mind and attitude. I'm in New York, so I see some hard teenagers that can't even smoke or vote legally, but whose eyes look like their souls are a thousand years old.
If you are afraid of growing old like the people that hurt you, choose to change your path. Just by being here and being honest about what you're feeling, you have flipped the script, broken the cycle, and helped to make it less likely you'll 'grow old' like them.
I remember when therapy for 'your inner child' was all the rage, but there is at least a little validity to the idea that we need to nurture the innocent part of us that never got to be a child.
I wish you peace, and hope you can be happy with yourself, just as you are right now, because you are a gift to the world.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

The young are all that matter apprently, and as soon as your an "adult" mistreatment and even sa and murder are taken less seriously