I don't want to be happy (please don't hate me)

[areyousafe??]

Does anyone else relate with not wanting to be happy?

A lot of people are doing everything they can to be happy, trying different antidepressants, therapy, regular exercise, healthy diet etc. They are doing everything they can to improve their situation, putting in an effort to feel better and experience happiness.

I, on the other hand, have no motivation to "get better" and just don't find happiness all that appealing. I am in fact self sabotaging by stopping my antidepressants, and wasting my psychologist's time when I refuse to take steps to make improvements, and then finding it upsetting that she is getting frustrated with me (which is totally understandable).

Am I the only person who doesn't find happiness appealing, and would rather stay in a depressive hole? I'm aware that there are plenty of people who would give anything not to be depressed and experience happiness. It's just that when I do get happy, it never lasts, and I can't cope with the falldown.

Please someone tell me I'm not the only one?

 

[Electra]

Oh I so get this one. It just feels like if it gets good, it will get bad too. And being in a good place feels nice. And being in a bad place is harrowing at first, but then you find comfort in it and you don't wanna experience the fall from "the good" again. Maybe that's how it is. Maybe.

 

[Ozzyno]

Does anyone else relate with not wanting to be happy?

A lot of people are doing everything they can to be happy, trying different antidepressants, therapy, regular exercise, healthy diet etc. They are doing everything they can to improve their situation, putting in an effort to feel better and experience happiness.

I, on the other hand, have no motivation to "get better" and just don't find happiness all that appealing. I am in fact self sabotaging by stopping my antidepressants, and wasting my psychologist's time when I refuse to take steps to make improvements, and then finding it upsetting that she is getting frustrated with me (which is totally understandable).

Am I the only person who doesn't find happiness appealing, and would rather stay in a depressive hole? I'm aware that there are plenty of people who would give anything not to be depressed and experience happiness. It's just that when I do get happy, it never lasts, and I can't cope with the falldown.

Please someone tell me I'm not the only one?

It's pretty common, you're not the only one

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I don't trust feeling happy. I also don't feel like I've got the energy for much now. I actually wouldn't see a therapist for this reason. I'm not motivated to get better or recover so- it would be a waste of both our time to try to get me to work towards anything. Will your therapist at least let you vent about stuff? Does that help?

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

That sums up a lot of people with depression.

Personally, I would love to be happy, but I know I'll never be truly happy, I just need to learn to manage better, so that'll be 'happy' for me. I am happy with being content, not happy. There is a big difference.

Depression is life long. It doesn't ever go away. The same as any mental illness - it's about learning to manage better. Not everyone wants this, and that's fine, but if you don't help yourself, how can you expect others to? It starts with wanting to help yourself. Again, it's fine if you don't want to, but you're in therapy, so you do want to, regardless of what your post says. You are already taking steps to try and help yourself

Why not just quit therapy altogether so someone else can use the time? If you *really* don't want to? Because you do, that's why. Perhaps this is a cry for help and you want your therapist to keep trying to help you, regardless of how many times you push and push.

If you truly didn't want help, you wouldn't have tried medication or therapy in the first place. Anti depressants don't make depression go away, neither does therapy. Both are supposed to be tools to ease it, not to remove it.

Therapy is really hard and if it does work, it can take years, sometimes less. But it isn't for everyone and wasting someone's time for the sake of it isn't helpful for you or the other person.

It is a lot easier to stay the way you're used to. You're used to being this way, so why would you want to be happy? You probably don't know what that looks like and that is a very scary prospect. Very scary in fact.

I feel like the word happy is overrated. Most people aren't truly happy. Content is a much better way of life. Being ok with our lives is better, don't you think? Happy sounds weird - at least that's what I think.

Just my thoughts.

 

[ratvroomvrooms]

I think I could relate. The way I always thought of it is that I've been stuck in this state of being not happy and it's the only thing that was constant in my life. So I found comfort in it. It's easier to stay the same than to change, even when the world is screaming at your face that you have to because it's what's "best for you". That aside, sending virtual hugs.

 

[depthss]

i relate, i dont really care about any long-term happiness or anything major to improve my life. i do the things my psychologist tells me, but thats just because i like him, not because i care about any of that. i cannot see myself doing anything major to improve my life, and i like seeing things get worse for me.