I don’t wanna get better

[zoftchan]

Am I the only one that doesn't want to get better? I kinda of just gave up on trying. There's some part of me that wants to live for my partner but even my partner can't help me. It really sucks. It'll never get better and sometimes I don't want to get better. I find comfort in my depression.

 

[chloeburbank]

I've also started to give up on trying. School, relationships, mental health. I feel like I'm too far behind and I just have no motivation to get better.

 

[liquid jen]

Same, I'm this far gone and I don't see a possibility at "recovery." If what is wrong with me is simply forever a part of me then why try and mitigate it? Why remove myself from myself? Meds and therapy feel like a rejection of what is truly me. These things will never help "me," they will only turn my body and mind into more eager cattle. I'd rather not be at all than be a living slave to billionaires and the ether.

 

[madwoman]

I want things to get worse so I get to that low point I need to end it all. I also just have no energy or motivation to get better bc things are just going to get worse again, been depressed and suicidal my whole life and I'm just so tired of feeling this way. Also feel comfort from it so I get that too.

 

[interna]

same heeere . getting better is too hard. and im too damaged. theres no point in trying

 

[strawb15]

Like I've been this way for so long I don't even know who I would be if I got better. A lot of people I've talked to about my future date they've said that they would prefer me not but they can see how much I want to and there's nothing they can do to stop me. I genuinely don't see a bright future for myself.

 

[anomic]

I find comfort in my depression.

I feel this so much. I feel this sense of doom almost with being happy. My brain kinda associates the struggle to be happy as something that will always be there and no matter how much I try it'll always be so unbearably difficult to be happy. I also feel like this lack of motivation in a sense that I don't wanna get better because then I have no reason to not do things and have no reason to escape this reality. I'll be stuck on the planet with no true path in life as a result of the years and years of depression.

 

[hurb]

i mean people keep saying its not a race , but it sure does feel like it is.
even when i think bout getting better now , it feels like the wrong idea, because my parents are aging and soon enough if i start caring and try to recover i will be forced to deal with responsibilities etc. I mean the more time passes the higher chance of bad things happening compared to good things. specially if u do nothing of substance that makes potential good things happen.
without mentioning the fact that I have nothing to look up forward to, i dont even see any ray of hope anywhere

 

[violetforever]

since i now have the possibility of obtaining SN, i dont want to either…even if i have to wait for it to arrive and until i get a car so i have a private place to take it. i feel like im in too deep to methods to ever look back on getting better. not that i ever thought i could get better anyway. everything or everyone i want or love is out of reach. its ctb or live in misery forever.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. It's my aim to tread water now until I no longer need to. There is a relaxed, positive aspect of letting go for me. I don't feel so anxious or full of yearning for stuff I won't achieve now. I have less of a sense of failure because I haven't achieved those things. It's a calmer state of mind towards living.

It's not exactly acceptance though because, my preference would be to not to be here at all. It's also exhausting just trying to tread water too. Putting on the appearance of a compliant normie, even though you resent it.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

yeah, ive given up. as nice as it would be to be healthy and stable, the road there is long and painful, if it even exists. im pretty sure im beyond saving tho, hence the giving up on trying.