I don't wanna die alone

[wiltingorchid]

I've known for quite a while that I am going to kill myself. And I am really not afraid of dying itself, but I am kinda scared of dying alone. I had to be alone in the darkest hours of my life, and there was no one that would be with me, that would comfort me with only being there for me. I have been alone for such a long time in my life, and I really don't wanna leave alone.
My biggest dream is falling asleep in the arms of my boyfriend after taking SN or N. Which obviously won't happen cause he loves me and wants me to live. But he doesn't understand that, for most of the time, living is an exhausting thing to do for me. I feel so happy when I am with him, yeah, but I feel miserable without him. I can't bear to tell him that.
One thing that gives me hope is this forum. I often catch myself looking at the partners thread, and I know that I could "apply" there if I wanted. Bad thing is that I cannot trust anybody that will respond, in the end, I'll probably get raped by someone or killed in a brutal way, and not in the way that I desire to.
I feel so fucking alone in this world, alone with my thoughts, my sorrows, so much .... I really wish that suicide would be accepted in this world, that it would be equally accepted as life is.

 

[M0nolith]

I agree, dying alone doesn't sound like the perfect way to go but it can also be somewhat comforting. "we're born alone, we live alone, we die alone". it's important to remember that death is a natural part of life, and it's something that everyone will face. It's okay to feel afraid, but let's also focus on living life to the fullest while we can. and perhaps you won't be alone, some people may believe that we are all connected in some way and that even if we physically die alone, we are not truly alone in a broader sense. others may believe that death is simply a transition to another state of being, and that there is no such thing as dying alone in the grand scheme of things.

 

[miserabletires9]

i wouldn't mind dying with someone. I am female. just look at my past threads

 

[wiltingorchid]

i wouldn't mind dying with someone. I am female. just look at my past threads

i sadly live in europe and not in the us (and i am currently unable to travel).

 

[FuneralCry]

It's best to stay away from the partners megathread on here in my opinion, as it's true that you just cannot trust other people and I think that suicide is already difficult enough without the complications of involving someone else in plans. But I do hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die but sadly it's just the reality. I believe that suicide is certainly something that is very lonely for a lot of people.

 

[Georg]

You have a bf so you are obviously not alone most the time like me and other users here. Also after taking SN you will be unconscious after around 15 minutes so it's not that the process would take too long. And… this dream about dying in some others arms is just bullshit Hollywood made up… Probably not that beautiful as you have seen it in movies