Help I dont wanna CTB yet I wanna self harm

[Vuliex]

I have no desire at the moment to CTB yet I have been longing to self harm for a while. I've been self harm free for nine months and have had no desire to CTB for sometime. I'm a optimist in a world of drowning sorrow and it its aching me. I cry so often because I possess such a frail emotional heart and i lack any deep connections to no fault of mine. I use to self harm by strangulation yet it has caused minor damage to my windpipe. I am too squeamish to cut because the sharp pain is too much for me to handle. Anything that leaves obvious scars on the arms and legs are out of the question due to my job and my general hatred of pants and how hot natured I am. I have no ideas because I refuse to resort to drugs for escapism due to my general hatred and maintaining my education and job. I'd go back to strangulation because I preferred it and I got the most feeling from it yet my windpipes have just healed and I no longer struggle to speak for long periods of time. I have tried booze to cope yet it doesn't work and leaves me empty. If anyone has any ideas that would be great but im picky! Any ideas help! ^_^

- Have a great day
V.​

 

[The Eeyorish One]

So obviously it would be best if you could find a healthy coping mechanism, but I get it… I can't resist either. Definitely at least try to stay away from anything that will cause permanent harm (which you already seem to be avoiding). What I do since I'm squeamish, is use that dull hooked end of a nail file (like the one that's attached to those metal finger nail clippers) to just scrape the skin (like, the motion of cutting but because it's not sharp it doesn't cut). It leaves little pinkish slightly raised marks that go away after like 12 hours (think like if a cat scratches you but doesn't draw blood). That being said if you're still worried about it being too obvious or too painful the other things I've heard of would be to squeeze ice or snap a rubber band on yourself. Haven't tried those though. Since you mentioned self strangulation as your past method, in my head at least I feel I'd do that out of anger/frustration, so maybe a good idea would be to punch the fuck out of a pillow, or go to a rage room or something? I could be way off base though, as everyone does the various methods for different reasons. If you happen to really like the idea of cutting and it's only squeamishness keeping you from it, you could also just try drawing lines on yourself. Like a washable marker, or maybe you could get a pencil to show up so that there's a little bit of pain with it, idk. Also, if you ever were to change your mind on drugs, as long as it's legal where you are I would recommend edibles (could smoke it for faster relief, but could technically damage lungs). They've always been calming for me, but I get that getting high isn't always feasible.

 

[Vuliex]

So obviously it would be best if you could find a healthy coping mechanism, but I get it… I can't resist either. Definitely at least try to stay away from anything that will cause permanent harm (which you already seem to be avoiding). What I do since I'm squeamish, is use that dull hooked end of a nail file (like the one that's attached to those metal finger nail clippers) to just scrape the skin (like, the motion of cutting but because it's not sharp it doesn't cut). It leaves little pinkish slightly raised marks that go away after like 12 hours (think like if a cat scratches you but doesn't draw blood). That being said if you're still worried about it being too obvious or too painful the other things I've heard of would be to squeeze ice or snap a rubber band on yourself. Haven't tried those though. Since you mentioned self strangulation as your past method, in my head at least I feel I'd do that out of anger/frustration, so maybe a good idea would be to punch the fuck out of a pillow, or go to a rage room or something? I could be way off base though, as everyone does the various methods for different reasons. If you happen to really like the idea of cutting and it's only squeamishness keeping you from it, you could also just try drawing lines on yourself. Like a washable marker, or maybe you could get a pencil to show up so that there's a little bit of pain with it, idk. Also, if you ever were to change your mind on drugs, as long as it's legal where you are I would recommend edibles (could smoke it for faster relief, but could technically damage lungs). They've always been calming for me, but I get that getting high isn't always feasible.

I've tried the rubberband thing before yet it hasn't really helped. The nail hook might work and the lines seems pretty tame yet viable. I may look into edibles as well because I don't have a massive problem with pot. and I worry alcohol may be my end. The last time I self harmed was a massive nasty lapse and I rather do minor stuff than have a massive spill over. The aggression thing is a major part too. I am/was a martial artist (on temp. hiatus). I use to just let myself get the shit beat out of me yet I think some people in my dojo caught on due to my rather defensive fighting style. Thank you so much for healthier methods and I'll keep them in mind!! ^_^

 

[kcalpuppy]

i commiserate. cutting is my preference, but in my current position of being told I'll have nowhere to live anymore if i continue and would have to try to move back with parents, i can't. so instead i just walk to the point of injury.
i hope you're able to find something, hopefully constructive, but i understand.

 

[Vuliex]

i commiserate. cutting is my preference, but in my current position of being told I'll have nowhere to live anymore if i continue and would have to try to move back with parents, i can't. so instead i just walk to the point of injury.
i hope you're able to find something, hopefully constructive, but i understand.

I hope things start to look up for you! May you cope the best you can in your eyes!^^

 

[Abadoned_Me]

- scratch yourself, people probably wont know what ur intention is, it'll look like ur just itchy

- you can hit yourself (I do that a lot, mostly to just punish myself when im being a dumbass)

- dr#gs? idk if u can use those to sh but there good lmao

- isolate yourself/be a hikikomori, it hurts yourself emotionally but as a warning it does become dull and eventually you just get used to it (speaking from experiance)

- and ik u said like u dont wanna cut but like, it'll be hard at first but u do get used to it so if u ever really wanna and its ur only option just
try it ig,

(Sorry if this is pessimistic or something)

 

[PoorlyTinted]

if your worried about leaving marks do any type of thing to ur skin on ur upper thigh so nobody sees it. what i do is take the sharp part of scissors and scrape myself with it. but its best to avoid self harm altogether

 

[bunnii]

- scratch yourself, people probably wont know what ur intention is, it'll look like ur just itchy

- you can hit yourself (I do that a lot, mostly to just punish myself when im being a dumbass)

- dr#gs? idk if u can use those to sh but there good lmao

- isolate yourself/be a hikikomori, it hurts yourself emotionally but as a warning it does become dull and eventually you just get used to it (speaking from experiance)

- and ik u said like u dont wanna cut but like, it'll be hard at first but u do get used to it so if u ever really wanna and its ur only option just
try it ig,

(Sorry if this is pessimistic or something)

-Whip urself (u can use a phone charger, fold in half for soft whips or use the metal end if you want to cause real damage)

 

[Abadoned_Me]

-Whip urself (u can use a phone charger, fold in half for soft whips or use the metal end if you want to cause real damage)

oh my god i completely forgot about whipping yourself
u have given me ideas now thank you
(I dont have a phone charger sadly, but i do have a laptop charger, would that work?)

 

[stardust00]

I used to rip my eyelashes out, same with my eyebrows. It's quite painful and may be slightly noticeable but no one will suspect that you've done it on purpose to sh (atleast from my experience). Hopefully this helps in some way

 

[Vuliex]

Tysm for the help folks! ^^