I ask and tell myself the same things, it really sucks that people can feel like this while others aren't able to understand the feeling.
I wish you the best sending my support <3
They understand I'm in pain but that's about where it stops I think. I don't think they understand the details of it.
I hate that feeling. I'm such a terrible person and I don't understand why people see so much in me. As much as I want people to love and be proud of me, I really just wish they'd give up on me and say I'd be better off dead...
Idk if it's the same for you but a way to explain it for me is: I want to be loved but I know it's pointless. I'm just stupid enough to keep going back to it.
(brain explosion in text lol)
I took so long to respond because I found it.... Funny?... Ironic? Here you guys are offering support - (which I'll be honest part of me expected to wake up to bs) - in a post where I'm 'bitching' about people supporting me.
Is it hypocritical? Idk.... I know some of the people that commented/reacted do care. I mean, I'll see you on my profile (which I have set to not show up in news feeds or whatever I don't use that lol) and I'll see the same people on my threads. There was that... Last one, I think it was, where a bunch of you stood by me and I couldn't thank you enough for that. But hypocritical? I don't think so. You stand by a person's side (not just me but site wide) trying to help as much as you can while still being in the same situation yourself. However I feel what makes the difference is the decided time. If it is obviously impulsive, a goodbye thread doesn't become a goodbye thread anymore. However what makes that different from a 'normie' helping out, is you're just trying to get through the moment. I'm a big advocator for a peaceful death and impulsivness isn't that answer. The difference comes in the response of a real goodbye thread (not saying they aren't and I'm also done explaining shit so if you can't understand what I mean by that after talking about impulsive ones that's your problem, I'm just gonna report and ignore you). When it comes to a real one (pretending we all can hangout and stuff) I believe the people here would respond with "as long as you're sure" and a hug while my 'loved ones' wouldn't let go. They don't mean it in a selfish way. And I do know that for the most part I'm an amazing person. I just wish they could see and understand what's inside. Trust issues, bpd, psychosis, these things don't play well together and I wish people could see that.