dangerstars
lover, hopeless wannabe.
- Nov 6, 2025
- 14
i am so full of love for this world and the people in it and mostly my main friend group ... but they will never love me the way i love them. i know i have no life and am just fucked with my relationships in general (i have BPD) but i've had so many issues with them and it hurts so bad.
the other day i saw a screenshot of a tumblr post that was basically "if someone tells you a song is important to them, you should turn it up and close your eyes and listen to the whole thing because you will understand that person so much better."
i like that a lot. music is so very important to me, probably the second most important thing in the world to me next to those friends and that's something i love to do for my friends. but i just realized nobody, not a single person except my best friend in the whole world would do that for me. i spend so much time talking about the music that's important to me and half of my friends just don't care.
one of my other good friends who i often go to when i'm upset regarding this friend group said "they don't understand [lyrics that are very special to me] because they're the reason you feel that way" which was really funny to me but it is true, but i wish they'd just look at these songs. i see so much of myself in some of them and i just want the people i love to see this part of my identity.
it also really, really upsets me how i have friends who have altered my music taste so much but won't listen to one two minute song i love.
nobody really cares about the things i care about. this hits me bad because music, i feel like, is my only reason to be on this planet. i want people to understand me and that's the best way i can communicate it. the fact that nobody cares about 90% of what i have to talk about just makes me think they wouldn't care when i'm dead. maybe i'm unreasonable.
(i think all of this is really just like a metaphor for bigger issues. once i had a two week long meltdown over 3 of my friends matching profile pictures on discord without me. one of these friends had been saying for weeks she was gonna match with me but kept putting it off, and then suddenly said she wanted to match with a specific image with 2 of our other friends. that seems crazy to get so upset about, but it was really about the bigger issue of 3 of my closest friends liking each other more than they like me. it just hurts)
the other day i saw a screenshot of a tumblr post that was basically "if someone tells you a song is important to them, you should turn it up and close your eyes and listen to the whole thing because you will understand that person so much better."
i like that a lot. music is so very important to me, probably the second most important thing in the world to me next to those friends and that's something i love to do for my friends. but i just realized nobody, not a single person except my best friend in the whole world would do that for me. i spend so much time talking about the music that's important to me and half of my friends just don't care.
one of my other good friends who i often go to when i'm upset regarding this friend group said "they don't understand [lyrics that are very special to me] because they're the reason you feel that way" which was really funny to me but it is true, but i wish they'd just look at these songs. i see so much of myself in some of them and i just want the people i love to see this part of my identity.
it also really, really upsets me how i have friends who have altered my music taste so much but won't listen to one two minute song i love.
nobody really cares about the things i care about. this hits me bad because music, i feel like, is my only reason to be on this planet. i want people to understand me and that's the best way i can communicate it. the fact that nobody cares about 90% of what i have to talk about just makes me think they wouldn't care when i'm dead. maybe i'm unreasonable.
(i think all of this is really just like a metaphor for bigger issues. once i had a two week long meltdown over 3 of my friends matching profile pictures on discord without me. one of these friends had been saying for weeks she was gonna match with me but kept putting it off, and then suddenly said she wanted to match with a specific image with 2 of our other friends. that seems crazy to get so upset about, but it was really about the bigger issue of 3 of my closest friends liking each other more than they like me. it just hurts)
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