737492
broken beyond repair
- Sep 7, 2019
- 52
And no, "self love" doesn't count because it's not the same. It's not nearly comparable to the selflessness that it takes for another person to care about you.
I can't count on love from my family because I'm estranged from most because of abuse and neglect. The family members who do "love" me only tolerate me because of a facade I put on; showing who I really am would make them cut ties with me. I dont know if I can say my mom loves me either, as she puts so much important in me being financially and academically successful that I feel like she only loves the idea of me she created in her head.
None of my friends really love me, theyre distant and constantly flake out on me. I'm only someone to have drinks and laugh with but not someone they really care about.
And I'm doing everything I can to find romantic love because it's the only option I have left. I've worked on my physical appearance and developed social skills to the point that people would be shocked if I said I'm suicidal. I've tried every dating app possible, I've tried letting things happen naturally in real life. Two years and all I've got were very short lived, meaningless flings. The few people who wanted me turned out to be assholes, and the ones I did like either ghosted me or moved on.
At this point I've accepted I'm never going to know what being loved is like. I'm never going to have someone hold me and want me and genuinely love who I am. I'm going to die a sad and lonely death, whether that is through suicide, old age or anything else.
And seeing how love changes people for the better, including people I know, makes me certain that life without love is meaningless. I dont care what therapists say but no one can live a happy life being completely unloved, relying only on themselves. Humans are social creatures meant to bond and love each other, we depend on love for survival.
I can't count on love from my family because I'm estranged from most because of abuse and neglect. The family members who do "love" me only tolerate me because of a facade I put on; showing who I really am would make them cut ties with me. I dont know if I can say my mom loves me either, as she puts so much important in me being financially and academically successful that I feel like she only loves the idea of me she created in her head.
None of my friends really love me, theyre distant and constantly flake out on me. I'm only someone to have drinks and laugh with but not someone they really care about.
And I'm doing everything I can to find romantic love because it's the only option I have left. I've worked on my physical appearance and developed social skills to the point that people would be shocked if I said I'm suicidal. I've tried every dating app possible, I've tried letting things happen naturally in real life. Two years and all I've got were very short lived, meaningless flings. The few people who wanted me turned out to be assholes, and the ones I did like either ghosted me or moved on.
At this point I've accepted I'm never going to know what being loved is like. I'm never going to have someone hold me and want me and genuinely love who I am. I'm going to die a sad and lonely death, whether that is through suicide, old age or anything else.
And seeing how love changes people for the better, including people I know, makes me certain that life without love is meaningless. I dont care what therapists say but no one can live a happy life being completely unloved, relying only on themselves. Humans are social creatures meant to bond and love each other, we depend on love for survival.