Venting I don't think I can wait until October to jump.

[SHThrowAway213]

I feel like I have to wait until October to jump.
Me and my husband have Download tickets for June, and Jimmy Carr tickets for October.
It feels like I have to stick around for these 2 events.
I don't think I can handle it untill then.
I have had 2 attempts this week (hanging).
The reason I want to hold of jumping is its an 80 foot cliff and there's a chance I will survive it. Therefore my husband can have 2 last events with me without me being crippled.
But I don't want to wait now.
I'm getting desperate.
I can't hang myself right, I have tried it too many times. Always partial, nowhere to do full.
I wish I wasn't born. I wish I didn't have to stay around for my husband.
I wish I could of got it be right the first time.
I just hate being alive.

 

[Sadddd]

I am feeling the same. A friend getting her PhD and travelling to the uk t receive it. My gf having a difficult time personally due to my mental health issues, the tides at beachy head being high are all reasons that I just kept waking up and trying to move forward.

I haven't tried ever but wish I had the courage to just do it. I worry I travel all the way to BH and can't do it but hanging, SN etc are all so complicated

What happens when the partial doesn't work? Do you just wake up?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I am feeling the same. A friend getting her PhD and travelling to the uk t receive it. My gf having a difficult time personally due to my mental health issues, the tides at beachy head being high are all reasons that I just kept waking up and trying to move forward.

I haven't tried ever but wish I had the courage to just do it. I worry I travel all the way to BH and can't do it but hanging, SN etc are all so complicated

What happens when the partial doesn't work? Do you just wake up?

I know the feeling and I can't even make myself pass out

 

[jgm63]

I am feeling the same. A friend getting her PhD and travelling to the uk t receive it. My gf having a difficult time personally due to my mental health issues, the tides at beachy head being high are all reasons that I just kept waking up and trying to move forward.

I haven't tried ever but wish I had the courage to just do it. I worry I travel all the way to BH and can't do it but hanging, SN etc are all so complicated

What happens when the partial doesn't work? Do you just wake up?

The SN method is not complicated at all. The essential parts are antiemetic and SN. H2 blocker/antacid and a painkiller are also recommended.

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Partial is very difficult. It was for me anyway.
I dont recommend the 80 foot jump. Theres a good chance you will be hurt but still alive. And much much more miserable and desperate than you are now.
Peace and love yo you. ❤

 

[Mizzmini45]

80 foot jump isn't high enough. Please don't do it.

 

[Sadddd]

The SN method is not complicated at all. The essential parts are antiemetic and SN. H2 blocker/antacid and a painkiller are also recommended.

it's the getting the ingredients, the worry and anxiety of how it will make me feel (i get bad motion sickness and nausea attached to anxiety to begin with) but also slow methodical nature of it that turns me off it

80 foot jump isn't high enough. Please don't do it.

yes agreed, there is information on heights on lostallhope.com and that is definitely not high enough

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Partial is very difficult. It was for me anyway.
I dont recommend the 80 foot jump. Theres a good chance you will be hurt but still alive. And much much more miserable and desperate than you are now.
Peace and love yo you. ❤

Partial is so difficult and that cliff is my only option

80 foot jump isn't high enough. Please don't do it.

I know it isn't high enough but its my only option

 

[Mizzmini45]

Partial is so difficult and that cliff is my only option

I know it isn't high enough but its my only option

I know I just don't wanna see you end up in a even more bad situation and still alive. Please reconsider.

 

[jgm63]

Partial is so difficult and that cliff is my only option

I know it isn't high enough but its my only option

Not to doubt what you're saying, but why is it your only option ?

 

[Ghost2211]

I know how you feel. Waiting and staying alive for others is painful.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Not to doubt what you're saying, but why is it your only option ?

I can't order SN. My husband found my last batch and now knows what the package looks like.
Can't get N.
Can't hang myself. I've failed so many times at partial and I have nowhere to do full.
There is a cliff 200 foot which is 2 hours away but I can't get to it.
The Clifton Suspension Bridge is 2 and a half hours away, but I've been stopped there before.
I don't live near any major train lines.
I live in the UK so a gun isn't an option.
That's why it's my only option.

I know how you feel. Waiting and staying alive for others is painful.

It's very painful.
My husband is the only reason I'm still alive.
I had a dream the other night that I went to a cliff to jump but couldn't because he was there holding me back.
T definitely feels like he is.

 

[jgm63]

I can't order SN. My husband found my last batch and now knows what the package looks like.
Can't get N.
Can't hang myself. I've failed so many times at partial and I have nowhere to do full.
There is a cliff 200 foot which is 2 hours away but I can't get to it.
The Clifton Suspension Bridge is 2 and a half hours away, but I've been stopped there before.
I don't live near any major train lines.
I live in the UK so a gun isn't an option.
That's why it's my only option.

It's very painful.
My husband is the only reason I'm still alive.
I had a dream the other night that I went to a cliff to jump but couldn't because he was there holding me back.
T definitely feels like he is.

That sounds difficult....

What is it that prevents you from getting to the 200 foot cliff ?
(obviously don't answer if you'd rather not say.....)

 

[AlreadyGone]

Ultimately, you will need to do what is right for you. There will always be events that are going to come up. Personally, I would not stay and suffer to appease someone else but that is just me.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

That sounds difficult....

What is it that prevents you from getting to the 200 foot cliff ?
(obviously don't answer if you'd rather not say.....)

Money and location

Ultimately, you will need to do what is right for you. There will always be events that are going to come up. Personally, I would not stay and suffer to appease someone else but that is just me.

I would just jump, but it's the fact that I'm likely to survive it and he will not have a chance for these 2 events again

 

[jgm63]

Money and location

I would just jump, but it's the fact that I'm likely to survive it and he will not have a chance for these 2 events again

If you're determined to CTB and have decided upon jumping then I would try to somehow figure out how to get to the 200 foot location, even if takes quite a while to figure out a plan. Perhaps you would slowly / privately save up the money in whatever ways you can using little bits of change and coins here and there.
I really hope you don't use the 80 foot location since there could be terrible lasting consequences from a failed attempt.


Note : As always, please note that I strongly encourage you to seek help with whatever is troubling you. With the right help things can improve. There are many sources of help if you look and reach out. Please seek assistance in any and every way possible. You alone must decide upon your actions and take full responsibility for them, and you should always favour seeking help and keeping out of harm's way.

 

[Ghost2211]

.Note : As always, please note that I strongly encourage you to seek help with whatever is troubling you. With the right help things can improve. There are many sources of help if you look and reach out. Please seek assistance in any and every way possible. You alone must decide upon your actions and take full responsibility for them, and you should always favour seeking help and keeping out of harm's way.

"with the right help things can improve"? are you seriously saying this? Not all situations can be helped. I'm sorry this is just the kind of statement that really bugs me. A lot of us have tried to get "help", and all that amounted to was a box of bandaids that dont solve the unsolvable problems that brought us here in the first place. Blanket statements that tell people to go find help isn't support.

Sorry op I just found that to be an insensitive af thing to say to you. I hope you are having a better day today <3

 

[jgm63]

"with the right help things can improve"? are you seriously saying this? Not all situations can be helped. I'm sorry this is just the kind of statement that really bugs me. A lot of us have tried to get "help", and all that amounted to was a box of bandaids that dont solve the unsolvable problems that brought us here in the first place. Blanket statements that tell people to go find help isn't support.

Sorry op I just found that to be an insensitive af thing to say to you. I hope you are having a better day today <3

It's a disclaimer....
Posting on this site could lead to legal issues if for some reason our identities were ever compromised, so I try to afford myself a little protection where I can....

You'll notice that the earlier part of my post was trying to offer advice to help them plan CTB, so.......

 

[Ghost2211]

It's a disclaimer....
Posting on this site could lead to legal issues if for some reason our identities were ever compromised, so I try to afford myself a little protection where I can....

You'll notice that the earlier part of my post was trying to offer advice to help them plan CTB, so.......

if someone people figure out who we are posting a disclaimer along with suicide advice won't help us. Ideally nobody should figure out who we are before we are dead. The only way you would be at risk is if you told someone "you should go kill yourself". Other than that we are protected under free speech as we are just offering support and sharing information. Also, as we have all seen recently a girl literally told her bf to kill himself, and she only got a slap on the wrist.

 

[jgm63]

if someone people figure out who we are posting a disclaimer along with suicide advice won't help us. Ideally nobody should figure out who we are before we are dead. The only way you would be at risk is if you told someone "you should go kill yourself". Other than that we are protected under free speech as we are just offering support and sharing information. Also, as we have all seen recently a girl literally told her bf to kill himself, and she only got a slap on the wrist.

Well of course you're entitled to your view.
You may be right, but I personally often don't feel comfortable with making certain posts without sometimes including a disclaimer.
I'm no legal expert, and I don't have any trust in any "fairness" of any legal system.
I tend to think that the establishment can conveniently "interpret" things in the way that suits them in any given moment....
So I'd prefer to try to "play safe".
My attempt may be futile, or who knows, it might be better than nothing...

 

[Ghost2211]

Well of course you're entitled to your view.
You may be right, but I personally often don't feel comfortable with making certain posts without sometimes including a disclaimer.
I'm no legal expert, and I don't have any trust in any "fairness" of any legal system.
I tend to think that the establishment can conveniently "interpret" things in the way that suits them in any given moment....
So I'd prefer to try to "play safe".
My attempt may be futile, or who knows, it might be better than nothing...

Fair enough.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

If you're determined to CTB and have decided upon jumping then I would try to somehow figure out how to get to the 200 foot location, even if takes quite a while to figure out a plan. Perhaps you would slowly / privately save up the money in whatever ways you can using little bits of change and coins here and there.
I really hope you don't use the 80 foot location since there could be terrible lasting consequences from a failed attempt.


Note : As always, please note that I strongly encourage you to seek help with whatever is troubling you. With the right help things can improve. There are many sources of help if you look and reach out. Please seek assistance in any and every way possible. You alone must decide upon your actions and take full responsibility for them, and you should always favour seeking help and keeping out of harm's way.

I have tried everything.
The reason I want to CTB is due to mental health issues. PTSD, BPD and Alcoholism.
I tried therapy when I was younger.
I'm on medication but it doesn't help my mood swings.
I did try getting therapy again but was told I wasn't in the right mind set for it.
I got ridiculed when I told them about my suicide attempts.
The NHS has failed me.
It won't get better for me.

 

[jgm63]

I have tried everything.
The reason I want to CTB is due to mental health issues. PTSD, BPD and Alcoholism.
I tried therapy when I was younger.
I'm on medication but it doesn't help my mood swings.
I did try getting therapy again but was told I wasn't in the right mind set for it.
I got ridiculed when I told them about my suicide attempts.
The NHS has failed me.
It won't get better for me.

Sure, I understand.
I include that disclaimer to try to give myself a bit of legal protection while giving advice.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Sure, I understand.
I include that disclaimer to try to give myself a bit of legal protection while giving advice.

Understandable