Well I'm still here. I thought I was feeling better enough to live but old wounds keep re-opening.
I've been away from my love for more that 2 years now.
I went into the mental hospital for anxiety 2019 over christmass.
I came out of the hospital in a mixed episode.
In February I was feeling nervous over the relationship with my love.
She's married and had a kid. Her and her husband live in the same house buy have been separated after he cheated inin the late 2000s.
Her and I dated in 2010 and broke up because of distance and conflicting lives.
We reconnected after a couple of years and started a romantic friendship. I really felt she was my soulmate and I guess she did to after the fight we had when I told her I just wanted to be friends. If I knew she wanted more I never would have said that. Mixed episodes are evil like that.
So since early 2020 I've been without her. It was a Rollercoaster with her but I loved her and still do.
I dont know of I'll ever fall in love in this life or the next. She did date around while we were separated, but I still had her friendly and when she became single again it got very romantic.
I really feel like when I put her off to the side I killed myself. It's not what I wanted but in panic mode thinking of me not being a good influence on her son and the fast that she was still married and we might get caught before we were ready to go public got to me.
I wish I could move on, but it only seems to get harder.
With my severe physical and mental problems I'm just ready to go be with the Gods.
I just can't invision loving another in this life or the next.
I'm broken and I want out...
I hope in the next life I heal and find true love.
I dont know what's worse. My crooked fat body or being a hopeless romantic.
I've been away from my love for more that 2 years now.
I went into the mental hospital for anxiety 2019 over christmass.
I came out of the hospital in a mixed episode.
In February I was feeling nervous over the relationship with my love.
She's married and had a kid. Her and her husband live in the same house buy have been separated after he cheated inin the late 2000s.
Her and I dated in 2010 and broke up because of distance and conflicting lives.
We reconnected after a couple of years and started a romantic friendship. I really felt she was my soulmate and I guess she did to after the fight we had when I told her I just wanted to be friends. If I knew she wanted more I never would have said that. Mixed episodes are evil like that.
So since early 2020 I've been without her. It was a Rollercoaster with her but I loved her and still do.
I dont know of I'll ever fall in love in this life or the next. She did date around while we were separated, but I still had her friendly and when she became single again it got very romantic.
I really feel like when I put her off to the side I killed myself. It's not what I wanted but in panic mode thinking of me not being a good influence on her son and the fast that she was still married and we might get caught before we were ready to go public got to me.
I wish I could move on, but it only seems to get harder.
With my severe physical and mental problems I'm just ready to go be with the Gods.
I just can't invision loving another in this life or the next.
I'm broken and I want out...
I hope in the next life I heal and find true love.
I dont know what's worse. My crooked fat body or being a hopeless romantic.
