Venting I don't think I actually have friends

[GRIM_DEADMAN]

I feel like the friends I've made don't actually care about me or want to even talk to me, I don't know if it's because i'm not good at starting conversations or if i'm too quiet.
It feels like they aren't my friends but just people who tolerate me, like i'm some sort of filler until someone better comes along.
I don't know, maybe i'm just being selfish for wanting to hang out and talk to them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think that you are being selfish at all, the reality is that you cannot trust and rely on people in this world, other people certainly can be so incredibly disappointing and most people are too self centred to ever care about others, it's just the way that things are.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

I've felt this way a lot in the past. You aren't selfish to want companionship, everyone does. If you have doubt on who is a true friend, take more time to yourself and see who checks up on you. The ones who don't, cut out of your life. I've done that before and it sucked in the moment, but was kind of a relief afterward. My life felt more honest if you know what I mean. Don't take what they do as any reflection of you being worth talking to though, I've no doubt you've got value. May just need to find people that appreciate what you have to say more. Be true to yourself no matter what and screw the people who can't see the value in you. It's there and they don't get to decide it isn't or take it from you.

 

[VisualSeppuku]

Hey man, I know what you mean. I have many "friends" but none of them but 2 or 3 will ever reach out to me. One from work, one being my partner and the other being an old friend.
The facts are as follows: Basically everyone is thinking for themselves, most of the time that's because they are caught up with a lot or are just distracted, it's nothing against you. You might be worried about how people think of you but they're also doing the exact same thing.
Friends is a broad term, many people you call your friends are not the same as those you rely on. If you find someone who is close to you and often call out to eachother, than that's the one you rely on. These can end suddenly tho, sometimes for reasons out of your or even their control. Don't take those that personally, it happens.
If you have close family, they're the ones you can rely on, they're blood bound. But this isn't always reliable, whether you family isn't good for you or you can't mutually hold family close like that.
There is nothing selfish about wanting to interact with people. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for someone or even to hangout with a friend group. There isn't anything annoying about being asked to hangout unless there's already something off. I'm a bit quiet at work, no one really dislikes me per se but no one really considers me close. It's a typical work relationship. However if I hear them talking about doing something like say; off-roading. It may interest me, if I had a 4 wheel drive, that'd be a reasonable point of entry for me to kind of join in and ask if I could come along. This takes a reasonable amount of confidence though and a fair acquaintance with the group. They most likely will be suggest that I am welcome. Even if it's in a cold and comedic manner. That's not weird at all. Any reasonable person would be fine with that and not think anything other than, "oh, this person likes me and wants to spend time with me."
That's not my reality though, I tend to ju.st keep to myself and do my own thing, just a personal preference.
Same goes for a "friend", hitting the up and asking if they wanna hangout is perfectly acceptable.

Also some of the best conversations are started by just doing something that is mutually interesting. It also makes a random conversation easier to have especially if it's something you know that they have an interest in.

But that's just my 2 cents worth.

 

[Valky]

I feel this to 100%.

But it is not being selfish. Everyone deserves the love of friendship, it is more than normal to crave for this kind of relationship. How sad would it be if we were all just strangers?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

irl friends aren't like anime friends who stick together through thick and thin while being the best of pals

 

[painfulwords]

I know how you feel. I also feel the same way, like I'm a burden to everyone around me. They won't actually care if I'm gone or not, if I disappear of social media or not (I've tested it once), etc. I don't think I can trust anyone.