I believe that I will achieve the freedom I seek once I CTB. Spirituality and spiritual science has been a very big cope for me, but has nonetheless been little more than a coping mechanism. I'm a believer in reincarnation, and I believe that my life after death will fundamentally be happier, rich with positive experiences, and I will ultimately learn from my current lifetime. I don't see CTB/death as a negative thing, but I do suffer very strongly from my current incarnation on Earth. It hurts to continue the suffering that has been a thorn on my side for countless years. I believe in Karma, but I also believe that suffering a karmic debt from suicide is an extremely oversimplified view of karma and karmic debt. I will be free soon, and I will be at home with the generative force/the source of all creation.