I don't really want to die, I just need someone to listen to me

[wheretfami]

I feel like nothing I say has any meaning or validity to others. I just want someone to listen to me, not make assumptions, ask clarifying questions.... just care to hear me, and take my experience seriously. It shows they really do care. I feel so lonely amongst a crowd of friends. People don't respect me or what I have to say, and they never listen when I do try to talk about myself and my issues. I don't know why. It's always been like this. I feel ostracized all the time. And people fucking blame me for how I feel, not the fact that maybe I'm hurt and need a real friend. I Google suicide-related questions just to see the "help is available" pop up and pretend that means someone really cares about me. I'm considering hanging in my closet (if the bar can hold my weight; I'm small but I still worry) and being found. Idk yet, but I know I can't keep doing this. I would love life so much more if someone would just show me how much I matter to them. I've been waiting for too long and I can't keep barely surviving each day, alone.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Sounds like you really want to pull through and live a normal life, and I wish you the best and hope that it improves for you.

I know therapists suck, and mental hospitals are worse. Is there anyone else you can confide in, church preacher? An absolute best friend? A relative you rarely see?

Our minds are wired differently, and they don't understand how depression (or other things) affect us.

It just us in a tiny rowboat on the ocean, fighting massive waves, and losing the battle.

 

[Rust]

I'm generally bad at attempting to make other people feel better. But I think I share your experience somewhat.

From what I've seen, people generally don't tend to give a shit until something bad happens. And even then, they have difficulty admitting that they were wrong and didn't listen.

In my case, I think my demeanor betrays me. People look at how I behave (generally timid) and just make assumptions. It's as if they've already decided my life's story in their head before they even speak to me. But it's funny, because I'm only timid due to excessive adversity in my life.

But my story aside, I just wanted to say that you sound super level headed and reasonable and that I believe you're too good for those around you. I can't help with the loneliness factor, but I do I hope this post somewhat helps, as again, I'm usually terrible with these things.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You might be hanging around the wrong people. I think you should try and hang out with people that have an equal passion for something that you're passionate about and see how different the experience is.

 

[wheretfami]

All your answers have been really, really helpful, and i can tell you guys get it. Thank you all for hearing me.