Arrow
Rewrite
- May 1, 2020
- 769
(I guess the title sounds a bit unfitting for recovery but itll make sense why i put it here)
Ive been really going through it recently, trying to find a better way to look at my life so I don't feel so miserable about the future. I've been a bit more comfortable with the idea of killing myself, too, more or less considering it more seriously than I have before.
but now I think I can say that I don't really care anymore. i never really thought i'd have a good life, it doesn't look like i will, but i guess now i have decided that I don't really care if it's bad, and i hardly care what happens to me now.
and for some reason, i feel a bit better.
maybe desperately trying to fix something that just isn't salvageable is my problem. it's funny that i would delude myself with daydreams when it was always pretty obvious I was a lost cause, maybe not caring so much about whatever happens is better than caring a lot.
i don't even know for sure if i'll "get better"—it could all just go south again and i'll feel super bad—but maybe that doesn't matter so much.
either way, the pain has subsided at least for now. i am going to rest. thanks for reading whatever this was.
Ive been really going through it recently, trying to find a better way to look at my life so I don't feel so miserable about the future. I've been a bit more comfortable with the idea of killing myself, too, more or less considering it more seriously than I have before.
but now I think I can say that I don't really care anymore. i never really thought i'd have a good life, it doesn't look like i will, but i guess now i have decided that I don't really care if it's bad, and i hardly care what happens to me now.
and for some reason, i feel a bit better.
maybe desperately trying to fix something that just isn't salvageable is my problem. it's funny that i would delude myself with daydreams when it was always pretty obvious I was a lost cause, maybe not caring so much about whatever happens is better than caring a lot.
i don't even know for sure if i'll "get better"—it could all just go south again and i'll feel super bad—but maybe that doesn't matter so much.
either way, the pain has subsided at least for now. i am going to rest. thanks for reading whatever this was.
