Venting I don’t love my mother, is something wrong with me in that regard?

[subhuman metalhead]

I never loved my mother, not even when I was a kid. She was mostly absent a lot of my life, having to travel abroad for work. That was, until she was laid off when I was 12. Since then, she's been around most of the time and when she does leave, it's only for a couple of days at most; except for the past month or two when she just takes off to New York randomly for a week at a time. I don't even desire a relationship with her; I just want her and the rest of my family gone from my life. Not dead, obviously, but for them to be unable to contact me. It's as though I never grew out of that phase of disliking my family, hell, I think I was born into that way of thinking. I swear I have some sort of illness that makes me unable to connect with my family that isn't autism.

Anyone share a similar experience?

 

[EmptyMirror]

Yeah, I had a big problem with my family as well. My Mom was very abusive and I've never really liked my brother so I can see why you would feel that, plus my outer family sucks mostly. The difference is while my mom became someone I hated/disliked, your's seem to have started and never went away as you said "I never grew out of that phase of disliking my family." Anyway that's my similar experience I won't bestow upon you any wisdom sense it would just be my opinion.

 

[dreamscape1111]

Nothing wrong with anything, ever.

If you authentically feel that you were hurt by someone, it's best to acknowledge it and then heal to the best of your ability, even from a distance if a contact break is necessary!
True Love doesn't mean that I have to take abuse, it means setting boundaries and loving/respecting yourself, not naive self-sacrifice.

Believe it or not, the unpleasant things that I've gone through with my family actually turned out to be blessings in disguise in the long run!
They can teach you true Love, patience, understanding, and especially compassion. It can teach you about yourself and what you want and don't want.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis Smedes

Don't suppress your feelings or pretend the anger doesn't exist.
Instead, make a conscious decision to release your resentment and thoughts of revenge.

Much Love, everyone.

 

[NambaSutra]

Yes I never really liked my parents after early childhood and I think it messed me up for life, to the extent that I could never really love myself or other people even as an adult. I'm very lonely but it's impossible to make and keep friends when I get bored by other people so easily and I think it's a major reason why I hurt and think about CTB so much.

 

[outrider567]

Until I was sent away to boarding school, I thought my mother was great, but then I realized she was actually tired of raising us at ages 13 and 14(my brother was difficult)--The rest of her life I found her rather depressing, pessimistic, and self-centered, just the opposite of me--She lived to be 90, I called her thousands of times over the last 30 years, since she was alone, but I don't feel she was a good influence on me at all(or indeed anybody that met her), while my father actually was a good influence on me, cheerful, optimistic, enjoyed life

 

[Aya&Dazy]

I don't talk to my family for over 5 yr, I guess. I don't miss them one bit except my dad.

 

[sulli]

nothing wrong with you. it's been almost a decade and i'm still happy every day that my mom is dead

 

[todienomore]

she skipped most of the critical bonding period of 0-7yrs or so.

might want to just accept them for who they are, enjoy that if you can, time is very fleeting.