I don't like what my psychiatrist wants to diagnose me with :(

[penguinl0v3s]

My new psych read out my old psych's notes, and among the other tentative suspected diagnoses, it's also noted in my chart that I have a "strong personality." My new psych says that this translates to 'suspects some form of personality disorder' in mental health. Idrk if that's true. She brought up BPD.

I am in no way saying that people with BPD are evil, BPD is the most wrongly stigmatized disorder.

I'm pretty sure that I don't have BPD based on my overarching symptoms, but I have struggled with attachment issues that I haven't been able to fix yet, so hearing that from my psych cuts deep. When I like someone, I get so many possessive thoughts, and it's the only part of myself that I outright completely hate. I'm good enough at handling my feelings that I never take it out on myself or on others, but I still feel so much shame over having had thoughts like that and I start self-hating. It's selfish to want to be the center of the world and have people only pay attention to me. I don't wanna get diagnosed with that because I would feel so ashamed of myself.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Nothing will change. You now know what's going on. You can learn to manage it.

 

[Ash]

I felt exactly the same. Still do, TBH. But knowing why I react it behave in certain ways does help me manage my secondary reactions. Sometimes. But I've learnt to not talk about it outside the MH community as I've had more negative reactions than positive. (My favourite was trying to convince someone that no, I didn't think the TV was speaking to me: turns out they heard "personality disorder", thought "multiple personalities" and then got wildly confused with schizophrenia. Gotta love a little bit of knowledge )

But honestly, like most labels, you can disregard it or use it for greater understanding and education. And don't let anyone invalidate what you think and feel. Yes, we may sometimes make mountains out of molehills but that's based on real feelings and we're as entitled to those as anyone else.

 

[Downdraft]

You didn't lose anything with the diagnosis if you had BPD before. The difference is now you know, and you don't like it: who would? But, at least, now you know exactly what fails in you. Accepting it is necessary to work on the symptoms.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such BS illness. The good news, it seems highly treatable, so you can be sure you can manage it. Good luck!

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Nothing will change. You now know what's going on. You can learn to manage it.

Well I don't have an unstable sense of self or unstable emotions, which pretty much disqualifies BPD, but the severe attachment issues are such a call out haha. Could still be another personality disorder. I like your mindset that the issue is still the same issue regardless of labels :)

Trying to figure out what I have is so challenging! I'm aware that I'm not a usual case because several therapists and psychiatrists have referred to me as eccentric/interesting which is just a polite way of saying 'weird as fuck' and hard to diagnose.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Well I don't have an unstable sense of self or unstable emotions, which pretty much disqualifies BPD, but the severe attachment issues are such a call out haha. Could still be another personality disorder. I like your mindset that the issue is still the same issue regardless of labels :)

Trying to figure out what I have is so challenging! I'm aware that I'm not a usual case because several therapists and psychiatrists have referred to me as eccentric/interesting which is just a polite way of saying 'weird as fuck' and hard to diagnose.

I know about complex diagnosises. It's the first challenge.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I'll go against the grain here, I guess. If you've heard multiple opinions and nobody can really come to a firm consensus, then I would take it with a grain of salt. Sounds like they're just spitballing at this point. I don't agree with the bipolar label (not a formal diagnosis, though) being suggested at me, when in fact, I never had a 'manic episode' in my life until a very rough medication withdrawal, and never again after that.

You said yourself you're missing core tenants of BPD, so while there might be overlap, it's entirely possible it's something else. It is my understanding that a lot of the times, there is a lack of self awareness accompanied with the dysfunctional attachment you describe, which going off what you've said here doesn't fit. I experience this dysfunction in relationships (general, not romantic) myself, and I'd laugh at any accusations of being borderline.

I'd simply ignore it unless you're looking to use the diagnosis for disability or such. Not everyone can be pathologized into a neat box, and oftentimes what psychs want to call disorders are just a result of mistreatment, enviroment, or trauma, and lack proper criteria. In the event that it came up, sharing that you're borderline would be a recipe for disaster anyway, whether that's right or not.

What I meant to say initially, though, is that I fully understand the struggle, and I'm sorry it's all such a minefield for you. I do hope you can get some clarity or relief eventually. It's also entirely valid to consider if those therapies or treatment used to treat BPD/attachment issues could help you, again, whether you have it or not.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'll go against the grain here, I guess. If you've heard multiple opinions and nobody can really come to a firm consensus, then I would take it with a grain of salt. Sounds like they're just spitballing at this point. I don't agree with the bipolar label (not a formal diagnosis, though) being suggested at me, when in fact, I never had a 'manic episode' in my life until a very rough medication withdrawal, and never again after that.

Sounds like a very common experience. I would be most careful about BP, BPD, and ADHD diagnoses because those are the most common misdiagnoses. You are probably right if you don't think you had a manic episode, because it would be pretty obvious. Especially if you own a Fitbit of sleep tracking device--almost everyone does to a degree since even your phone can track--a loss of sleep is required to define mania and if the sleep cycle graph doesn't show that, it disqualifies you from mania even if you do occasionally act reckless. Everyone acts reckless sometimes, especially those in pain, but few have it due to chemical imbalances. Antipsychotics are also the most dangerous class of psychiatric drugs.

You said yourself you're missing core tenants of BPD, so while there might be overlap, it's entirely possible it's something else. It is my understanding that a lot of the times, there is a lack of self awareness accompanied with the dysfunctional attachment you describe, which going off what you've said here doesn't fit. I experience this dysfunction in relationships (general, not romantic) myself, and I'd laugh at any accusations of being borderline.

My friends that I had before I moved and I are still very close and talk often despite being so far apart. It is only recently that I've had trouble enjoying my friendships, I think the culture of the state is different. The question is, at what point are you the problem and at what point are other people? Unless you're going to kidnap people to your mental health appointments, the professional can only have an idea of who you interact with through you and has no way to make judgments like that. It's not even the competency of the professional's fault in this case. I've been thinking about this a lot, where does the divide between personality traits, situations, and disorders lie? I'm also curious how you decided you didn't have BPD if you don't mind sharing.

I'd simply ignore it unless you're looking to use the diagnosis for disability or such.

I agree that they're just labels for a set of overarching symptoms, but it matters in this case because I'm trying to get medicated. Medicating wrongly also made me have drug-induced mania once!

Not everyone can be pathologized into a neat box, and oftentimes what psychs want to call disorders are just a result of mistreatment, enviroment, or trauma, and lack proper criteria. In the event that it came up, sharing that you're borderline would be a recipe for disaster anyway, whether that's right or not.

What defines a disorder is that it inhibits your life or others, and even though it can be a result of trauma, it is a maladaptive response to the current situation. Like take for example: Stockholm syndrome could have helped you survive your abuser while in the same house, but then if you can't stop feeling romantic attraction for them after you have left the abusive situation and they are behind bars, then it becomes an issue. I would never share with a doctor if they suspected borderline lol, it is a recipe for discrimination. I do have some good grace that my new psych is nice and she said she wouldn't mind if I really did have a personality disorder tho because she knew how to help me :)

What I meant to say initially, though, is that I fully understand the struggle, and I'm sorry it's all such a minefield for you. I do hope you can get some clarity or relief eventually. It's also entirely valid to consider if those therapies or treatment used to treat BPD/attachment issues could help you, again, whether you have it or not.

Thank you, I wish you the best too it's worth trying even if it's a minor issue, I'm down to self-improve haha

 

[theboy]

don't focus on the diagnosis, but on the treatment

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Great writeup. I strongly agree with your sentiment about certain diagnoses, and yes, I was a bit careless in my wording re: labels. I completely understand the importance of having a diagnosis, though I've given up on finding someone educated enough to help me with my suspected PMDD.

I'm also curious how you decided you didn't have BPD if you don't mind sharing.

It's not a question that I've showed great signs of dysfunction in relationships—possesiveness, jealousy, obsession with one person's attention/affection/reassurance, erratic behavior when I'm triggered, (flakiness, false promises, insults, being patronized, abandonment) but for the most part, over the span of much hurt and abandonment, I was able to keep it bottled in, because I hate making a fool of myself. The only time I ever let my questionable feelings/behavior show was in the context of a emotionally abusive relationship I was basically chased into at a low place. It messed with my head so much he would often tell me I had BPD, and for a while I started to wonder.

Upon doing a bit of my own research, I disagree; I have never disassociated, I have a very strong sense of 'self'/identity, high self awareness even when I'm sensitive/feel wronged, I rarely engage in so-called risky behaviors, if ever, and while I have days of rapidly changing mood swings, that is highly dependent on my menstrual cycle. Not that I'm an expert on what constitutes BPD, and sure, I can see some overlap in myself, but the same overlap can apply to a bunch of other conditions, like the one listed above; I've heard through the wind that PMDD is sometimes misdiagnosed as bipolar or even BPD, because of the cyclicial nature of the symptoms. What sets them apart, to my knowledge, is the time frame of the symptoms, and the physical ills in addition to the mental dysfunction. There is very strong evidence I have PMDD, not bipolar or BPD, considering my years (7) of tracing my 'episodes' back to the same pattern and time frame, as well as my horrid sensitivity to birth control and oral progesterone, physical and mental.

Once I had walked away from that person, no contact, within literally two weeks all of my erratic behavior stopped completely, and I resumed to my baseline state of two weeks "ok" (follicular phase) two weeks a mental, physical mess (luteal phase). I have no mania, and no leftover symptoms that could flag for a diagnosis, even if I still have many difficulties. The only one I will concede other than PMDD is generalized anxiety disorder. I do believe I have had a formal diagnosis, in writing, since I was eight years old. This tends to be a constant for me, and absolutely has wrecked my life at times.

(Hopefully you can find something useful in my word jumble.)

 

[Camper]

There is no biological evidence to suggest BPD actually exists. Sure, there are "chemical imbalances," but that can be due to a whole host of reasons, and not necessarily something being irreversibly broken about you. Personality disorders are just archetypes, basically. The archetype for BPD is more or less just "neurotic young woman with a troubled childhood." If you fall under that label, then congrats, you'll likely have a psych slap you with a BPD diagnosis at one point.

Don't take it seriously. I wouldn't.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

There is no biological evidence to suggest BPD actually exists. Sure, there are "chemical imbalances," but that can be due to a whole host of reasons, and not necessarily something being irreversibly broken about you. Personality disorders are just archetypes, basically. The archetype for BPD is more or less just "neurotic young woman with a troubled childhood." If you fall under that label, then congrats, you'll likely have a psych slap you with a BPD diagnosis at one point.

Don't take it seriously. I wouldn't.

Diagnoses in the DSM-5 are first and foremost determined by social, political, and cultural factors rather than science. The history of the DSM shows that and it's no secret among any mental health professional. But I don't think it invalidates the DSM's purpose. While the DSM has flaws and a skilled psychiatrist will practice their scope beyond those diagnoses, it's not made from nothing. It categorizes people that don't function into society because of how act or think into disorders. Are the disorders reasonable sometimes? Yes. Does it still disturb the individual's function and makes it better that they don't have the symptoms? Also yes.

 

[Camper]

Diagnoses in the DSM-5 are first and foremost determined by social, political, and cultural factors rather than science. The history of the DSM shows that and it's no secret among any mental health professional. But I don't think it invalidates the DSM's purpose. While the DSM has flaws and a skilled psychiatrist will practice their scope beyond those diagnoses, it's not made from nothing. It categorizes people that don't function into society because of how act or think into disorders. Are the disorders reasonable sometimes? Yes. Does it still disturb the individual's function and makes it better that they don't have the symptoms? Also yes.

I personally find the idea of medicalizing non-biological issues to be questionable. The potential consequences of giving someone a stigmatized label outweighs the benefits. If a person has a issue with socialization, then that can be dealt with without pseudoscientific diagnoses or medications.

 

[4_science]

My new psych read out my old psych's notes, and among the other tentative suspected diagnoses, it's also noted in my chart that I have a "strong personality." My new psych says that this translates to 'suspects some form of personality disorder' in mental health. Idrk if that's true. She brought up BPD.

I am in no way saying that people with BPD are evil, BPD is the most wrongly stigmatized disorder.

I'm pretty sure that I don't have BPD based on my overarching symptoms, but I have struggled with attachment issues that I haven't been able to fix yet, so hearing that from my psych cuts deep. When I like someone, I get so many possessive thoughts, and it's the only part of myself that I outright completely hate. I'm good enough at handling my feelings that I never take it out on myself or on others, but I still feel so much shame over having had thoughts like that and I start self-hating. It's selfish to want to be the center of the world and have people only pay attention to me. I don't wanna get diagnosed with that because I would feel so ashamed of myself.

Have you thought of PTSD and depression? A lot of people suffer from mood swings. It doesn´t mean you have a personality disorder. Dissociation for instance can be a trauma induced response. Remember: a diagnosis does not define you as a person. you are more than just a possible diagnosis base on the psychitrist´s evaluation an interpretation of what you tol them. <3

 

[Life_and_Death]

There is no biological evidence to suggest BPD actually exists

actually there is evidence, without going into heavy science words, parts of the brain is physically smaller than people without bpd. if thats not biological evidence XD XD

 

[DyingToDie123]

Wow, this almost could have been written by me. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I've gotten a couple rule-out diagnoses from my psych NP and a hospital psychiatrist. I don't resonate with the diagnosis at all even though friends and family are convinced I have it because of some difficulties I've had in relationships (mostly one particular relationship). I don't have mood swings and I have a really stable sense of self. It's really frustrating to be told you have something that doesn't align with your experience. Sorry you're going through it.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Wow, this almost could have been written by me. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I've gotten a couple rule-out diagnoses from my psych NP and a hospital psychiatrist. I don't resonate with the diagnosis at all even though friends and family are convinced I have it because of some difficulties I've had in relationships (mostly one particular relationship). I don't have mood swings and I have a really stable sense of self. It's really frustrating to be told you have something that doesn't align with your experience. Sorry you're going through it.

If stable sense of self is present, you don't meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Sounds like attachment issues, which are a problem too, but not a straight up DSM disorder.

Have you thought of PTSD and depression? A lot of people suffer from mood swings. It doesn´t mean you have a personality disorder. Dissociation for instance can be a trauma induced response. Remember: a diagnosis does not define you as a person. you are more than just a possible diagnosis base on the psychitrist´s evaluation an interpretation of what you tol them. <3

I've thought about it, but my depression doesn't manifest that way and I don't have PTSD. My depression makes me less emotional.

Dissociation isn't a trauma response for me, it's an anxiety response. If I get too anxious I start floating away from my body and I have to fight to stay 'conscious.' If someone I know is around, I cling onto them to force reality to stay real and stay grounded.