I don't think so brother. I think we can all entertain some very hateful thoughts.
I've said this before that maybe sometimes we feel we look for the death we feel we deserve, not the death we need.
We find love for others but only hate for ourselves.
If these are your thoughts brother I wish you peace and kindness with every shred of sencerity I can muster. We walk the darkest of paths and though it may be shining from the other side of the world I would like to shine a light for you.
Love and respect my brother.
DBD