Venting I don't know why my mom birthed me into this world.

[LetMeDieInPeace]

Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I posted on here. My life hasn't really changed that much ever since I've found out about this site, I'm still at rock bottom and still waiting for the right opportunity to CTB.

I just wanted to get some more things off my mind. I've been thinking a lot more about how I fit into my family and I've come to the conclusion that I really don't. I don't know if it's depression that makes me think this way but let me explain. Shortly after I was born, my father left us and it was just my mom, brother, sister and me. I never got an explanation to why my dad left us. My parents moved into a 3 bedroom house before I was born so it doesn't make sense to why they would have another child because eventually I would need my own bedroom. Was I planned? Probably not. I was always the black sheep in my family. I was an outlet to my mom's and brother's anger (It was always verbal, never physical) when I was younger. My dad obviously played favourites to my brother and sister when he called when I was younger. It's a lot to bare now that I'm a lot older because I feel like my family would be a lot better if I wasn't born. I've always been an outcast at family events. The only person I would really talk to was my cousin but he CTB in 2017. I'm a lot closer to my brother now and one day he did apologize to how he treated me when we were younger. I never got an apology from my mom even after I brought it up when I was in a mental health facility in 2017 because she feels as if she didn't do anything wrong. My brother and sister recently visited my dad 2 years ago but never told me about it. I don't have any bad feelings towards him and always made it apparent, I wish they would have told me because I would like to visit him one day. I also found out that I have a half brother that's 13 years old now. My dad also left him so I hope he doesn't end up like me. I feel like my life is cursed. Am I overthinking? I don't know...

 

[ikadasui]

My father abandoned my momther when he found out she was pregnant, and she in turn shirked me up for adoption, so I understand somewhat. It's infuriating to know people who are unfit be it physically, mentally, financially or whatever the fuck can just pop out kids left and right and face no consequences when their children inevitably suffer from their fucked up failings. I was never right I never had any goals or ambitions I was just fucked up since forever and have lived horribly for it and I can't stand the fuckers that brought me into this world won't even see what their actions have caused. Like they'd care anyway

 

[Hollowman]

It's unfortunate there's not a parental competency test before people reproduce. My parents would've failed.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I am not enjoying life. I don't think about having kids life is not a good time.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

It's unfortunate there's not a parental competency test before people reproduce. My parents would've failed.

I have to agree there needs to be a conversation in regards to reproduction for the population. Everyone shouldn't be allowed to do it because all they cause is suffering

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. More than anything I wish that I was never born, as to never exist means to never suffer. I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope you find relief from your suffering.