Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
I don't know who I can share this with even if I spoke or wrote about it.
No one, neither my friends (very few as I have kept), nor my parents, or any therapist can ever truly know what it is to be like me.
An abnormal brain with gaps that neither medicine will fix, nor exercise, nor positive thinking, or writing or anything else. Nothing will fix it because you can't fix the unfixable.
A broken mouse cannot be turned into a lion by medicines or positive thinking. If you somehow drugged or hypnotized the mouse to "believe" it is a lion and send it among lions, the mouse would still get eaten sooner or later because "believing" that it's a lion is not its natural state of existence.
No one in this universe has the ability to understand what I go through on a daily basis. Also, even if I shared by most innermost weaknesses with my parents (which I have done a few times) then that feels horrible to me because I am devaluing myself.
I may be a broken mouse but I still desire my mental and emotional independence from structures that are very difficult for me to adjust to.
I have been waging a battle that balances my daily survival needs and my self-respect and desire for freedom since the last 8 years.
It often becomes too much for a non-grounded brain like mine.
There is no hope for me not because I am pessimistic in my thoughts or a negative person. There is no hope for me because I am at heart a fugitive who is biologically unable to get involved in the responsibilities of a "normal" life.
It's an existence that fluctuates between both things which I hate : mundane ordinariness and overwhelming responsibility.
It's not an existence that any sane person must ever have to bear.
No one, neither my friends (very few as I have kept), nor my parents, or any therapist can ever truly know what it is to be like me.
An abnormal brain with gaps that neither medicine will fix, nor exercise, nor positive thinking, or writing or anything else. Nothing will fix it because you can't fix the unfixable.
A broken mouse cannot be turned into a lion by medicines or positive thinking. If you somehow drugged or hypnotized the mouse to "believe" it is a lion and send it among lions, the mouse would still get eaten sooner or later because "believing" that it's a lion is not its natural state of existence.
No one in this universe has the ability to understand what I go through on a daily basis. Also, even if I shared by most innermost weaknesses with my parents (which I have done a few times) then that feels horrible to me because I am devaluing myself.
I may be a broken mouse but I still desire my mental and emotional independence from structures that are very difficult for me to adjust to.
I have been waging a battle that balances my daily survival needs and my self-respect and desire for freedom since the last 8 years.
It often becomes too much for a non-grounded brain like mine.
There is no hope for me not because I am pessimistic in my thoughts or a negative person. There is no hope for me because I am at heart a fugitive who is biologically unable to get involved in the responsibilities of a "normal" life.
It's an existence that fluctuates between both things which I hate : mundane ordinariness and overwhelming responsibility.
It's not an existence that any sane person must ever have to bear.
