Hey,
You realize you're self-sabotaging. That's a huge thing. It's massive. It means you can catch yourself when you're doing it. You might not be able to stop at first, but ven just being aware is a huge positive.
If there's one thing you read in my reply please read this: DON'T TRY TO CHANGE EVERYTHING AT ONCE. I've learned this the hard way from a mountain of failures stemming from doing just that.
You want to stick to a sleep schedule, get up early, work out, and study regularly. Okay. That's doable, but let's NOT try to do all of them at once. Let's work on one thing at a time. And be gentle with yourself. Take it slow. You are likely depressed, which makes the smallest things 100x harder. It's like you're standing in a river, up to your waist or chest, pushing against the current. And you look over at the people walking beside the river on solid ground, never stumbling, and wonder, why is everything so much easier for them? You don't realize you're in the river fighting against a huge current pushing you back, while they are not.
So the point of the whole river analogy is that when depressed, everything is harder. But, it's not impossible to do things, but we have to be gentle with ourselves and understand it might take us longer than people walking along the river outside of it.
Let's break down each thing. First - the sleep issue. I have problems with sleep too. I have to take over hte counter sleep aid to fall asleep otherwise my body will want to stay up till 2 or 3 even if I know I need to get up at 6Am for work. My body doesn't give a shit. lol. Also, your body may naturally need 10 hours to feel rested. It sucks, but some of us are like that.
But, there was one book that did help me. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name, but it taught how to reset your circadian rhythm. I don't know if you also have the problem of going to bed at 2/3am, but I did. I still do unless I take something most of the time. But, basically, the idea is to shift everything a half hour for a week or two at a time. You said you wake up at noon, and get 10 hrs sleep. So that puts you going to bed around 2AM. You're basically where I was when I started the process I wrote below. cept I went to bed at 3AM and woke up around 2PM.
Now, if you're like me.. I can't fall asleep before 11 PM. I just can't. One thing that can help is using a sleeping app to track your sleep cycle. Smart watches also usually have something like this. Our sleep goes through different stages that are about 90 mins each. If we wake up before the stage is complete, we feel groggy. Also, sleep hygiene. Make sure your room is cool and completely dark. Buy blackout curtains if you need them. If there's noises, see if you can listen to rain or thunder sounds to mask them, or white noise.
Below is set up as weeks. If you have trouble, do each stage for two weeks. Don't shift any more than half hour increments. More than that and it'll be too hard.
Week one, shift bedtime from 2AM to 1:30 AM, and set your alarm for 11:30 AM. Even if you're tired, get an old analog clock with the bell things on the top and stick it in another room. That way you're forced to get up, get some clothes on (if you live with other ppl) and go shut the damn thing off.
Week 2: same thing, but shift from going to bed at 1:30 to 1:00 AM, and set alarm for 11:00 AM.
Week 3: Shift bedtime from 1:00AM to 12:30AM. Shift alarm from 11:00 AM to 10:30 AM.
Week 4: Shift bedtime from 12:30AM to 12:00 AM. Shift Alarm from 10:30AM to 10AM.
Week 5: Shift bedtime from 12:00 AM to 11:30 PM. Shift alarm from 10:00AM to 9:30AM.
Week 6: shift bedtime from 11:30PM to 11 PM. Shift alarm from 9:30AM to 9 AM.
So here's the issue (for me at least) - I can't go to bed before 11 PM unless I'm literally running on fumes. This is where making sure you have the best quality of sleep comes into play. Make sure your room is cool and pitch black. Look at your sleep app and see if you're getting quality sleep, or if you're stuck at the lighter level for too long.
Anyway, I'd say shift bedtime from 11PM to 10:30, but that's where I coudl not fall asleep without over the counter shit. I really don't want to advise you to take something like that.
Try for a ritual. Get some extra strength sleepy time tea, put your phone on do not disturb face down, turn off all screens, and do something that doesn't involve the digital (fcking hard, i know). I suggest reading. Oh- another thing. DO NOT USE YOUR BED FOR ANYTHING BUT SEX/SELF-SEX AND SLEEP. If you do other things in it, you condition your body to see it as a place other than just for sleeping and sex.
So, what I'd suggest at this point, is to keep bedtime at 11PM. But slowly keep shifting your morning alarm.
Week 7: Bedtime - 11PM. Alarm - 8:30 AM.
Week 8: Bedtime - 11PM. Alarm: 8:00 AM.
Okay, so focus JUST ON THAT for the next two months. Don't worry about the other shit. you'll tackle each one seperatly next. Also, that knocks two of the things off. THe sleep schedule AND getting up early.
Now. If you wanna do this faster. You COULD just do the 'oh god imma die' thing and set the alarm for 8AM right off the bat and go to bed at 2AM, but you gotta force yourself to stay up even if you're exhausted. Your body thrives on consistency. If you force yourself to get out of bed at 8 AM, each day, eventually it will adjust to it. But doing it this way sucks and it's super hard, for me at least.
Okay, once you get your sleep schedule on track, we'll work on the next thing: working out.
Keep in mind it takes like a month for a habit to stick, so you gotta do it consistantlly for at least a month or it won't work. But, work up to the level of intensitiy you want.
If you have issues sleeping, don't work out three hours before your bedtime. It'll keep you up. If possible, try to do it in the morning or midday. Also, don't start out thinking you have to do a ton of reps or an hour's worth of work. Start small. Set a timer and work out for 15 min. That's it. Work out for 15 min 3 times a week. Keep doing this for a full month.
Okay, so now that you've been doing this for a month, you can bump the time up if you want. Work out for 30 mins instead of 15. Again, give yourself a month to get used to it. Then, if you want more time, bump it to 45 min for a month, and then finally 1 hr for a month. But - you don't HAVE ot do an hour. even 20 mins of vigorous cardio does wonders for your brain, heart, and a ton of other stuff in your body.
Okay, on overthinking. I'm the queen of overthinking. I've never gotten it fully under control, but I have gotten to the point where I'm able to realize when I am overthinking or when I'm in a self hate spiral and my thoughts are irrational (well, most of the time).
I'd suggest getting a paper notebook and just writing whatever comes to mind. seriously, write three pages in it with all the stuff that you're thinking about. Getting it out on paper helps get it out of your head. Even if you can't think what to write, just write 'I'm writing in this stupid notebook. I'm annoyed. blah blah' etc. I found by about 1.5 pages the stuff that's really bothering me starts coming out.
Meds: get yourself a week pill planner thing, with slots for morning and evening. I have to do this because I have adhd and will literally forget if I took my adhd meds if I don't put them in the pill planner. I fill it up sunday. Put it on your nightstand, so it's very easy to just take what you need and you don't have to hunt for bottles.
I find comfort in misery too. I think because it's familiar. My depression is familiar. it's an old strange friend that's been with me for over 20 years. Being happy is somewhat scary because I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall. I still have a lot of trouble with this, so I don't have a lot of advice. But, know that you aren't alone in this. A lot of us have this problem, i think. Humans hate change, and even depression can become the 'norm' so if we find we're feeling better, it can be unsettling.
What I have found that helps with this.. is taking walks out in nature. Even just a walk around your apt or neighborhood if you don't have access to a park. But, parks really do help. There's something about open water and greenery that puts humans at ease. We aren't made to live like we do.
Another thing on ruminating: mindfulness will really help you with this. It's being in the present moment. When you're caught up in your brain, let mindfullness rip you out of your thoughts. Because our thoughts are always there. The goal is to let go. I find it easiest with the 5 thing method. What's one thing you see, one thing you hear, one thing you smell, one thing you taste, and one thing you feel. When a thought pops into your head, just observe it, like you would a cloud. Let it pass through. This is really hard at first, but it does get easier. This part is more meditation than mindfullness, I suppose.
I hope some of this helped. I'm still struggling with a lot of it myself, but if you want someone to talk to, my DMs are always open (that goes for anyone else reading this).
