Venting I dont know what to do

[reviveneon]

I have no one to talk to, so perhaps friends on here can give me any advice or help.

Me and my boyfriend know eachother for around 8 years, but live together for 1,5 years. I do have my own little student room in the city, but most of the times I'm with him.

I left my parents to be with him, and also because I'm an ex-muslim.

Over the past year, he had cheated on me 8 times (one time with a minor), and I have found out he was seeing his ex when we were long distance. Everytime I found out, I got mad and upset, and he would punch me hard. Last week I found out again. Everytime he says it's not serious and that he doesn't feel well mentally because of me.

The past time I got so upset, I decided to pay a visit to my parents, who I've been ignoring for a year. It went great, I feel loved there.

He is now threatening to kill himself if I dont come back. I hate him, but I also love him so much, we grew up together, we have exactly the same interests and opinions. I'm scared I will never find someone like that anymore. I don't want him dead, I don't know how to let go or if I should. Am I blind or delusional?

I tried to keep it as short as possible. I feel so helpless

 

[UKscotty]

You need rid of that guy, he is bad for you.

If he kills himself, that's on him.

Find someone better who deserves you.

 

[chessa]

I have no one to talk to, so perhaps friends on here can give me any advice or help.

Me and my boyfriend know eachother for around 8 years, but live together for 1,5 years. I do have my own little student room in the city, but most of the times I'm with him.

I left my parents to be with him, and also because I'm an ex-muslim.

Over the past year, he had cheated on me 8 times (one time with a minor), and I have found out he was seeing his ex when we were long distance. Everytime I found out, I got mad and upset, and he would punch me hard. Last week I found out again. Everytime he says it's not serious and that he doesn't feel well mentally because of me.

The past time I got so upset, I decided to pay a visit to my parents, who I've been ignoring for a year. It went great, I feel loved there.

He is now threatening to kill himself if I dont come back. I hate him, but I also love him so much, we grew up together, we have exactly the same interests and opinions. I'm scared I will never find someone like that anymore. I don't want him dead, I don't know how to let go or if I should. Am I blind or delusional?

I tried to keep it as short as possible. I feel so helpless

You need to leave him, im guessing he is just trying to manipulate you into thinking if you leave him he will kill himself. Most people who threaten killing themselves are doing it as a last resort to keep you, and never go through with it. I would recommend staying with your parents and if it gets worth contact authorities and try and get a restraining order. Keep us updated please!

 

[sulli]

he ain't really gonna off himself but if he does net positive for humanity anyway

 

[feder]

I'm definitely not defending him and I think that you should leave him asap, but has he been diagnosed with something? The things you describe really sound like he has BPD(please don't take my uneducated opinion seriously I'm only guessing).Physical abuse and cheating are inexcusable in any case and you shouldn't put up with it its going to be hard to leave but after a while you will feel better and less stressed. Wish you the best and hope you get out of that relationship and find someone who will treat you better.

 

[reviveneon]

I'm definitely not defending him and I think that you should leave him asap, but has he been diagnosed with something? The things you describe really sound like he has BPD(please don't take my uneducated opinion seriously I'm only guessing).Physical abuse and cheating are inexcusable in any case and you shouldn't put up with it its going to be hard to leave but after a while you will feel better and less stressed. Wish you the best and hope you get out of that relationship and find someone who will treat you better.

He has separation anxiety, raised by a single mother who neglected him. He is definitely struggling, but he refuses to get professional help because he thinks talking with me helps...

 

[ScribeofSkryre]

PLEASE keep in contact with your family, PLEASE talk with friends about this. i've been in a similar situation and the way i got out was with a healthy support network that showed me how to eject and reminded me why i left. i know you probably dread hearing the same choir of the constant pointing out of red flags about someone you have given your heart and soul to, but please remember that you do not have to do this alone. most of all, please be safe! if you ever go back to get your things, please bring family or friends with you! you should not be with him, no matter what he threatens to do, you do not deserve this abuse.

 

[reviveneon]

PLEASE keep in contact with your family, PLEASE talk with friends about this. i've been in a similar situation and the way i got out was with a healthy support network that showed me how to eject and reminded me why i left. i know you probably dread hearing the same choir of the constant pointing out of red flags about someone you have given your heart and soul to, but please remember that you do not have to do this alone. most of all, please be safe! if you ever go back to get your things, please bring family or friends with you! you should not be with him, no matter what he threatens to do, you do not deserve this abuse.

thank you a lot for your help. the hardest part is cutting off contact, how did u resist yourself from seeking it? I'm thinking of writing down my reasons, so I don't get temptations.

 

[The anhedonic one]

He sounds like a narcissistic type, so therefore He won't kill himself because these types are only capable of loving themselves.

Just run away from this monster, because there is a very good chance that He will harm you in a very bad way.


So sorry you are going through this.

 

[sulli]

I'm definitely not defending him and I think that you should leave him asap, but has he been diagnosed with something? The things you describe really sound like he has BPD(please don't take my uneducated opinion seriously I'm only guessing).Physical abuse and cheating are inexcusable in any case and you shouldn't put up with it its going to be hard to leave but after a while you will feel better and less stressed. Wish you the best and hope you get out of that relationship and find someone who will treat you better.

i have bpd, that's why i can say with certainty that his threats of self harm are empty. i've never physically abused anyone or cheated but i've been prone to such manipulative behaviors as these when my mental health was left completely unchecked. i try to use my experience on the other side of this for good now by sharing this kind of knowledge with victims :')

 

[ScribeofSkryre]

thank you a lot for your help. the hardest part is cutting off contact, how did u resist yourself from seeking it? I'm thinking of writing down my reasons, so I don't get temptations.

that is exactly what i did - i constantly reminded myself of why this person was bad news. more accurately, i asked my friends to remind me whenever the topic came up or they suspected something was going on. i have severe ADHD, so it's hard for me to keep my mind focused on one thing and i really needed someone else to kick me in the rear and keep up the effort.

from the OP alone i can list several reasons:

• he has physically harmed you
• he has cheated on you eight times; list out every single time and the person, if you have the details, for yourself
• he caused you to cut off your loving family
• he downplays your mental pain with 'it's not serious' and doesn't hold your feelings in any value
• he is emotionally manipulating you by threatening suicide

put up a list for yourself and make it easily accessible whenever he comes to mind.

alongside that, please do whatever you can to avoid him. block him on all social media if you need to, or whatever else you might have. better yet, delete accounts and start fresh, giving the details of the new accounts to people you trust and talk to. block his number, block his texts, put up every barrier possible for yourself so it's as hard as possible to go back.

i really hope this helps, be safe!! also, please, do not feel guilty about missing him after the fact. that is normal - this is someone you have given your heart and soul to. this is someone that whisked you away and stole your heart, but that doesn't mean it was right to be with them. there was good there once, but now the bad outweighs that good, and you need to do what's healthy for you and the others around you that care for you.

 

[reviveneon]

that is exactly what i did - i constantly reminded myself of why this person was bad news. more accurately, i asked my friends to remind me whenever the topic came up or they suspected something was going on. i have severe ADHD, so it's hard for me to keep my mind focused on one thing and i really needed someone else to kick me in the rear and keep up the effort.

from the OP alone i can list several reasons:

• he has physically harmed you
• he has cheated on you eight times; list out every single time and the person, if you have the details, for yourself
• he caused you to cut off your loving family
• he downplays your mental pain with 'it's not serious' and doesn't hold your feelings in any value
• he is emotionally manipulating you by threatening suicide

put up a list for yourself and make it easily accessible whenever he comes to mind.

alongside that, please do whatever you can to avoid him. block him on all social media if you need to, or whatever else you might have. better yet, delete accounts and start fresh, giving the details of the new accounts to people you trust and talk to. block his number, block his texts, put up every barrier possible for yourself so it's as hard as possible to go back.

i really hope this helps, be safe!!

this is very helpful, i cant thank you enough. I'm gonna move forward, and hopefully recover the damage he did.

 

[Linda]

I have no one to talk to, so perhaps friends on here can give me any advice or help.

Me and my boyfriend know eachother for around 8 years, but live together for 1,5 years. I do have my own little student room in the city, but most of the times I'm with him.

I left my parents to be with him, and also because I'm an ex-muslim.

Over the past year, he had cheated on me 8 times (one time with a minor), and I have found out he was seeing his ex when we were long distance. Everytime I found out, I got mad and upset, and he would punch me hard. Last week I found out again. Everytime he says it's not serious and that he doesn't feel well mentally because of me.

The past time I got so upset, I decided to pay a visit to my parents, who I've been ignoring for a year. It went great, I feel loved there.

He is now threatening to kill himself if I dont come back. I hate him, but I also love him so much, we grew up together, we have exactly the same interests and opinions. I'm scared I will never find someone like that anymore. I don't want him dead, I don't know how to let go or if I should. Am I blind or delusional?

I tried to keep it as short as possible. I feel so helpless

"He is now threatening to kill himself if I dont come back." That tells me all I need to know. You should dump him and get a new boyfriend. In a situation like this you must put your own interests first.

 

[whatevs]

Everything in your story is spelling out that you should have dumped this person a while ago.

 

[reviveneon]

Everything in your story is spelling out that you should have dumped this person a while ago.

very true, it's not that easy for me however. this person was my best friend, and kind of an addiction. I'm a very insecure person, I was scared I lost all my value and no one would want me.

 

[Elysion]

This man should accept that if he has something to lose, he should try to protect it and care. Life is like gambling, you have to try to progress and improve, talk to that man and encourage him to do treatment and change his ugly personality, if he loves you, he has to fight to have you, you have a few years to protect he fought Now it's the man's turn. If he doesn't want to try and just wants to use the suicide option to pressure you. It means that this person is selfish or a loser who accepted to give up instead of trying.

 

[Grav]

You should leave him and let the chips fall where they may. Good advise posted about reminding yourself why you're not with him. Are you able to talk to your parents and let them know how things are going and what was going on? They can act as another block on him and hopefully a gentle hand to remind you to take care of yourself.

 

[reviveneon]

You should leave him and let the chips fall where they may. Good advise posted about reminding yourself why you're not with him. Are you able to talk to your parents and let them know how things are going and what was going on? They can act as another block on him and hopefully a gentle hand to remind you to take care of yourself.

Yes, I'm building up the courage to tell them how he treated me, at least my mother, my father would freak out (on him)

 

[whatevs]

very true, it's not that easy for me however. this person was my best friend, and kind of an addiction. I'm a very insecure person, I was scared I lost all my value and no one would want me.

I get it. Life is hell basically and we are often faced with keeping shit company or rotting in solitude. What the fuck. Life blows.