I dont know what im doing

[Ashpac]

Ive just done training.

I need 60 hours per week.

Im giving life a go.

Even though I have this voice in the back of my head saying kill yourself.

Im sorry to anyone on this board who kills them selves.

I fantasise of me dying, like all the time.

You guys mean alot to me.

I have SN even, im such a quitter, or i want to try life out. I dont know...

Id appreciate your thoughts ....

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I don't think it's wrong at all for you to give life another shot. If you think it's worth it, please please please go for it.
Exhaust all other options before deciding to Ctb.
You're not a quitter for giving it another try. The worst that could possibly happen in this scenario is you lived a little longer before you end your life.
I hope for the best possible outcome in your endeavors, I honestly hope your giving it another shot was entirely worth it and you find peace in living.

 

[Ashpac]

I don't think it's wrong at all for you to give life another shot. If you think it's worth it, please please please go for it.
Exhaust all other options before deciding to Ctb.
You're not a quitter for giving it another try. The worst that could possibly happen in this scenario is you lived a little longer before you end your life.
I hope for the best possible outcome in your endeavors, I honestly hope your giving it another shot was entirely worth it and you find peace in living.

you mean for the op poster yes?

 

[overandout]

If you still have the urge to give life a go then give it your best shot. You can only end your life once and there's no going back. I wish I had that within me still but I don't.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

you mean for the op poster yes?

Well yes. Or anyone that reads it with doubts or uncertainty when it comes to ending their life. Just like @overandout said, you can only end it once and there's no going back.

 

[Mich517]

Ive just done training.
[...]
Id appreciate your thoughts ....

If you have Sodium Nitrite you can use it at any time. Until you don't open that, it's not supposed to oxidate or how it's called. No need to rush if you see chance in your life.

 

[Its time its time]

Only end your life if you are 100% sure. Even 0.01% of doubt should make you reconsider.
Because killing yourself there is no rewind, reset or respawn option. It's a 1 way ticket on the bus.
So don't board the bus if there is even the most tiny of doubt.

It takes a strong person to kill himself. Takes an even stronger person to stand up from facing death. So you ain't weak. Just not your time to go yet.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

It's fascinating to watch my own mind contemplating suicide. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I consider it a strange privilege to witness my mind because it's a peculiar show. I only call it a "show" because it would seem obvious that I am actually not the one who is writing my story. It certainly feels like I am... at first. But I am actually composed of parts. I have a "rational side" that will argue there is no reason to go on. It will seem certain about suicide as a solution and feel satisfied with accepting it's the only real path to peace. So what do I do? I go and buy my own bottle of Sodium Nitrite. I'll agree for a little while that suicide seems like the only rational solution. But then another part of me will interfere. I don't know what you would call this part of me... Let's just call it my "soul force". I guess you could also call it my "irrational side". It obviously doesn't want to die. In fact, it's curious about what happens next. It doesn't need a good reason to live.. it just wants to live. It fills my mind with all the "excuses" to keep living. It'll cleverly postpone my plans to drink Sodium Nitrite until "later". So, obviously, I continue to propel forward... I continue to live... I continue to complain. I sometimes wonder when the tides will turn and I will follow through with killing myself. The strangest part about it all... is it honestly doesn't feel like I'm the one writing this story. I'm merely witnessing it.

Anyways, I'm rambling. Don''t feel bad about feeling confused or wanting to live. 60 hours a week? Sounds rough. I've been there before.

 

[I am ___________]

There is no need to apologize, if anything you should now realize that now you have a means of escape if things get worse. You have complete control over your life now, and with the ability to end it when ever you feel like it, you should feel a great sense of freedom. You are more free then you have ever been, now that you have acquired the exit ticket, you are free do whatever the hell you want. If you want to go head to head with life again, who are we to stop you.... who knows you might just come out ontop. Best of luck.
However a bit of advice, just like a magician does not reveal the secrets up his sleeves, so should you follow his example. Don't give anyone the chance to take it away from you.

 

[Should be gone]

You have complete control over your life now, and with the ability to end it when ever you feel like it, you should feel a great sense of freedom. You are more free then you have ever been, now that you have acquired the exit ticket, you are free do whatever the hell you want.

This does feel like how it is for me, other than the chance of failing or being 'saved' or whatever it could be with SN. If you feel hopeful, you might as well try to see where it could take you, for hopefully better than worse.

 

[Mort]

It's fascinating to watch my own mind contemplating suicide. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I consider it a strange privilege to witness my mind because it's a peculiar show. I only call it a "show" because it would seem obvious that I am actually not the one who is writing my story. It certainly feels like I am... at first. But I am actually composed of parts. I have a "rational side" that will argue there is no reason to go on. It will seem certain about suicide as a solution and feel satisfied with accepting it's the only real path to peace. So what do I do? I go and buy my own bottle of Sodium Nitrite. I'll agree for a little while that suicide seems like the only rational solution. But then another part of me will interfere. I don't know what you would call this part of me... Let's just call it my "soul force". I guess you could also call it my "irrational side". It obviously doesn't want to die. In fact, it's curious about what happens next. It doesn't need a good reason to live.. it just wants to live. It fills my mind with all the "excuses" to keep living. It'll cleverly postpone my plans to drink Sodium Nitrite until "later". So, obviously, I continue to propel forward... I continue to live... I continue to complain. I sometimes wonder when the tides will turn and I will follow through with killing myself. The strangest part about it all... is it honestly doesn't feel like I'm the one writing this story. I'm merely witnessing it.

Anyways, I'm rambling. Don''t feel bad about feeling confused or wanting to live. 60 hours a week? Sounds rough. I've been there before.

I sort of know what you mean i had this other person in my head from when i was a kid i am now in my forties. He all ways what a piece of shit i am and the world be a better of place with out me and many other things to that put me down. He rite thought i mess my life up so bad all ways takeing the wrong turn never ever hot it right a d he know it. But as a say to him if i go you go to them he shuts up for s bit then give me a bit of piece and quite . Then he back to the same old same old ylu lot must think I am a complete nutcase LOL :) but he bin like my twin complete spepret person in my head odd i know but they you go nutcase yo yhe max LOL :D

 

[TAW122]

I'm with others here when it comes to making sure you exhaust your options and make sure that you are 100% sure about ctb'ing before going through. There is no reverse or turning back after you've decided to CTB. Over a month ago, I made a promise to myself that I'd give my life one chance to determine whether I'll live or die. If I succeeded in my goal (which I did and more), then I'll continue living life, but if not, then I'd die end of May 2019 (luckily that fate has been averted for me).
Anyways, if you decide on continuing to live, then I wish you the best in your efforts to lead a meaningful and happy life.

 

[Ashpac]

Ive only tried to end my life once by announcing it on this site (ive tried to end it more before this website) and it failed. it was partial hanging. i put the rope around my neck and hung the rope by a dumb bell so it would go over the top of my bedroom door. lets just say i was still there for 20 minutes, my head was banging but thats about it. I now know i did not compress my artery in my neck .

So when i announce something you know its legit, unlike a couple of cases on here sadly.

Ive moved out my home, first time ever btw, im 32. For anyone who doesnt believe in the paranormal, just move where i live, trust me, youll change your mind on that belief.

Its a new start. If this fails, i know i have to take the SN i have in my drawer.

Im gonna join the movement in the UK since thats where i live, the one that wants assisted suicide legal. https://www.dignityindying.org.uk

I aint nothing special but if i can die for a good purpose and my beliefs, thats fine by me.

What I want to see happen is the UK to follow Belgium, so that when a person is depressed, they can end their life. It wont happen but I want to change that or die trying.

Anyways, thanks for the kind words guys and girls.

I appreciate it.

 

[Donewith_]

You are giving a try to life. Such a good thing to hear. Awesome!
Wish you the best.

 

[I am ___________]

Ive only tried to end my life once by announcing it on this site (ive tried to end it more before this website) and it failed. it was partial hanging. i put the rope around my neck and hung the rope by a dumb bell so it would go over the top of my bedroom door. lets just say i was still there for 20 minutes, my head was banging but thats about it. I now know i did not compress my artery in my neck .

So when i announce something you know its legit, unlike a couple of cases on here sadly.

Ive moved out my home, first time ever btw, im 32. For anyone who doesnt believe in the paranormal, just move where i live, trust me, youll change your mind on that belief.

Its a new start. If this fails, i know i have to take the SN i have in my drawer.

Im gonna join the movement in the UK since thats where i live, the one that wants assisted suicide legal. https://www.dignityindying.org.uk

I aint nothing special but if i can die for a good purpose and my beliefs, thats fine by me.

What I want to see happen is the UK to follow Belgium, so that when a person is depressed, they can end their life. It wont happen but I want to change that or die trying.

Anyways, thanks for the kind words guys and girls.

I appreciate it.

I truly hope the rest of world follows after it, one should have the right to own life and what they decide to do with it. How can one claim you are free if you cannot decide that you have had enough and want out? Truly that will be the first step to true freedom for everyone....

 

[Ashpac]

I truly hope the rest of world follows after it, one should have the right to own life and what they decide to do with it. How can one claim you are free if you cannot decide that you have had enough and want out? Truly that will be the first step to true freedom for everyone....

Totally agree. Free will is an illusion.

We need to fight for what is right.

 

[Lara Francis]

Ive just done training.

I need 60 hours per week.

Im giving life a go.

Even though I have this voice in the back of my head saying kill yourself.

Im sorry to anyone on this board who kills them selves.

I fantasise of me dying, like all the time.

You guys mean alot to me.

I have SN even, im such a quitter, or i want to try life out. I dont know...

Id appreciate your thoughts ....

I do not think that you are a quitter at all.
It takes more strength to push through the despirate times.
I think we all fantasise about death and it provides us with a sense of comfort and a plan b - especially knowing you have SN.
I think u r stronger than u give yourself credit for and i wish u well as always.xx

 

[dandan]

Oh brother, I'm in the exact same position.
I have my N.... And decided to give life another go.... Hope in your case you decide to keep on... Push through bad times with positive thoughts... No need to have thoughts of ctb if you've decided to move forward.....

My mind doesn't follow my own advice, wish you the best of luck and success


Personally I'm not finding what I'm looking for , but I'm the process....

I'm trying to develop gratitude towards my job so I can enjoy work which is half of my life.... and I'm trying to have something worth it to pursue out of my job

 

[zen]

Ive only tried to end my life once by announcing it on this site (ive tried to end it more before this website) and it failed. it was partial hanging. i put the rope around my neck and hung the rope by a dumb bell so it would go over the top of my bedroom door. lets just say i was still there for 20 minutes, my head was banging but thats about it. I now know i did not compress my artery in my neck .

So when i announce something you know its legit, unlike a couple of cases on here sadly.

Ive moved out my home, first time ever btw, im 32. For anyone who doesnt believe in the paranormal, just move where i live, trust me, youll change your mind on that belief.

Its a new start. If this fails, i know i have to take the SN i have in my drawer.

Im gonna join the movement in the UK since thats where i live, the one that wants assisted suicide legal. https://www.dignityindying.org.uk

I aint nothing special but if i can die for a good purpose and my beliefs, thats fine by me.

What I want to see happen is the UK to follow Belgium, so that when a person is depressed, they can end their life. It wont happen but I want to change that or die trying.

Anyways, thanks for the kind words guys and girls.

I appreciate it.

What about paranormal..?how did it change you?whats your experience?

 

[headinghome]

i'm desperate today… I injured my leg and I can't walk like I used to I can't do any of the things I used to do or love ...I'm not a kid I've had a long life I should be allowed to take my own life without suffering I tried taking some benzos and Oxy but I guess I didn't take enough and the stupid hospital brought me back...I'm so angry this never should've happened to me I've tried antidepressants they don't work I have nothing to say to any stupid psychiatrist I'm just so angry that this country is backwards and doesn't allow people with serious mental issues to end their life peacefully every day I look for ways to kill myself but they're all too horrible I need something peaceful I can't really go out by myself to get anything…

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

What about paranormal..?how did it change you?whats your experience?

Yeah, I'm curious too. What did you mean by what you said in regards to the paranormal?