DedCircut303
Member
- Sep 4, 2024
- 5
Why can't I be fine? I hate depression and I hate that no matter how much medicine I try, it seems like it'll never fix anything. If it seems like it's going well, it won't be long before it becomes bad again. I hate that my mind never truly lets me feel and experience what is happening around me. Everything always just ends up feeling like a dream. I'll never amount to anything. I love my family, but the past year, not even that is enough. I'm a horrible daughter. They've helped me so much and I'm still like this. I feel bad lying and saying that I'm feeling better. I hate myself, despise myself. I think I finally, after years of trying to understand what fueled everything, I finally think I know what it is. Of course it's a childhood memory, but I despise myself because of it. I can't forgive myself, how could I? It fuels my reason to want to kill myself. I'm so sorry. I have my sources now, for everything except Benzos, it's just up to me and time I guess. I should leave, I want to leave. It hurts to know that but it's true. I'm thinking too much right now, my brain needs to shut up. Maybe I should use this to vent more often? But I just feel like shit.
