Venting i dont know myself

[awfullymorbid]

Sometimes i sit down and think, as advised by various mental health preachers, and i think about who i am.

I understand this is a problem for many and its not some kind of niche problem but it really bothers me

i dont know me and no one knows me, i hate when they think they do. and it isnt some kind of like slight pet peeve, i genuinely hate it. but i dont blame them for not knowing me because i feel like a new person everyday

i've also documented my face throughout the years to remember what i look like and who i used to be but everytime i look at either past or present pictures of me i feel like im looking at a random person and it gives me the creeps. i even get it while staring into the mirror sometimes. i just feel like a fraud in everything i do. even sitting here typing this i feel weird and out of place. i feel like a side character in everything i do. i dont necessarily mind being a side character most of the times because i end up hating most people and attention but sometimes my mood switches fully and i want to be the person with attention on them. i never trust those thoughts though because at the end of the day i always end up wanting to be alone. I hate not being able to let anyone in.

idk if this is stupid but this definitely is one of the reasons why i want to kill myself.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Sometimes i sit down and think, as advised by various mental health preachers, and i think about who i am.

I understand this is a problem for many and its not some kind of niche problem but it really bothers me

i dont know me and no one knows me, i hate when they think they do. and it isnt some kind of like slight pet peeve, i genuinely hate it. but i dont blame them for not knowing me because i feel like a new person everyday

i've also documented my face throughout the years to remember what i look like and who i used to be but everytime i look at either past or present pictures of me i feel like im looking at a random person and it gives me the creeps. i even get it while staring into the mirror sometimes. i just feel like a fraud in everything i do. even sitting here typing this i feel weird and out of place. i feel like a side character in everything i do. i dont necessarily mind being a side character most of the times because i end up hating most people and attention but sometimes my mood switches fully and i want to be the person with attention on them. i never trust those thoughts though because at the end of the day i always end up wanting to be alone. I hate not being able to let anyone in.

idk if this is stupid but this definitely is one of the reasons why i want to kill myself.

I can relate. I don't know who I've become. I don't recognize me anymore.

Have your ever felt like someone knew you well? Or that you know you well?

 

[awfullymorbid]

I can relate. I don't know who I've become. I don't recognize me anymore.

Have your ever felt like someone knew you well? Or that you know you well?

Good questions. Honestly I dont know considering the fact that i genuinely feel like a new person all the time. I feel like maybe they knew me for a split second till something changed again. I have told a few people a lot about myself but i still feel like they'll never know me no matter how many fun facts i tell them or how much i vent. I guess its a permanent sensation of feeling misunderstood

I also dont really know if ive ever known someone, honestly not really. i feel like my wall stops people from knowing me as much as it stops me from knowing them. There's definitely been times where i knew the other person better than they knew me though. theres been instances where people complain about my tendencies of not speaking about myself at all, they tend to think its because im trying to be mysterious but in reality i just feel extremely fraudulent

 

[Hollowman]

It's not stupid at all. My identity got majorly screwed up decades ago. Knowing who you are and what you want is probably the most important thing. I'm so lost I wish I would've ctb a long time ago. Maybe things will somehow work out for you.

 

[Leyna]

have issues like that. i don't know how to describe myself as a person and don't know what people would say about me. people who do describe me, it feels like they're talking about someone else. i don't feel like a person at all.