i don't know if i'm still hopeless

[everrgreenn]

it's been quite awhile since i've been on, two months i think?
it's not like i'm used to it or anything since the last time i was here was one of my firsts.
a lot has changed though and i'm not entirely sure how to feel about it.
i've made a new friend, someone who now may have already grown to be my best friend.
in the time that i've known him though, i feel like i've began to neglect all my other friends.
the thing is, he's a friend that i only know online so all our conversations are mainly over call in our free time.
because of this, i haven't found the time to catch up with my other online friends and even some friends that i know in person.
i can now hardly stand the thought of what i'm doing, i hate myself for leaving these people.
i feel like i need to make a choice between my old friends or my new friends.
other than that, i've still thought about killing myself more often that i'd like to admit.
some days though, i'm too sacred of missing life.
that worries me.
i want to go, don't i?
but there's so much to do and so much to see.
but do i really want to do and see all of it?
i can't decide.
is my life worth living?
i don't know
is my life worth ending?
i don't know

 

[Dead_Inside]

It sounds like you are still trying to work some stuff out... there is no shame in that. I spend time off this site trying to make this work. Pretending that if I just go to the gym and eat right it will make me better ... maybe. But then here I am again... I can't shake it.
Just think about what you want- you have time.

 

[everrgreenn]

It sounds like you are still trying to work some stuff out... there is no shame in that. I spend time off this site trying to make this work. Pretending that if I just go to the gym and eat right it will make me better ... maybe. But then here I am again... I can't shake it.
Just think about what you want- you have time.

"you have the time" it's hard to hear, but i'm glad you said it. thank you for that

 

[21Neberg]

"you have the time" it's hard to hear, but i'm glad you said it. thank you for that

It's very important to understand that just because you've prepared a suicide, is not a reason to actually attempt. If you're feeling better now, that's amazing and you should give life another go!

 

[NoEasyWayOut]

I can relate a lot.. This grey zone where you don't know if just going on will make any difference in the future and hopelessness can simply fade away and disappear... Or if there is really no point in it at all because dark thoughts keep coming and coming... Hope you can find answers to all your questions and spiritual/mental peace

Hugs

 

[Dead_Inside]

"you have the time" it's hard to hear, but i'm glad you said it. thank you for that

True. Hard words to hear.... I don't like to hear them either.
But hey, if you feel alone in this just read my pathetic posts- it spirals into shit every few days : /

 

[Sickman75]

Well obviously this person came into your life for a reason at the right time I'd say. I think your other friends will be ok if you don't talk to them for awhile. Sometimes it's good taking a break from everything and everyone for awhile. Your doing exactly what your supposed to be doing. So I'd keep doing just that.