Help I don’t know if I want to live or not

[lizardsoup]

I still have a lot of life left but it doesn't even feel like it's worth going anymore, but somedays it's like I still want to keep going.??.
I don't know what I should do, I picked the SN method because I can't find my carotid artery and I always back out. Dying would be nice but I don't want to do that to do that to my mom, and one of my friends told me she would feel super guilty and like even though its not any of her problem, I don't want her to feel guilty.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I can empathise with how you feel, I have nothing or no one to stay around for and life is incredibly hard for me, yet as much as wish to pass away, something in me wants to stay. I say 'wants' to stay, I do actually want to, but seem to still be here, day after day. Its a tough one.
You have your mum and a lovely friend, that is 2 very good things in your life, maybe that will give you strength. I am all alone in the outside world, and hurts so much cant even put it into words. The emptiness is incredible. Please don't do anything on the spur the moment, you are very unsure, even if not wishing to be around, so take care of yourself and feel free to share anything here you feel comfortable with, there are a lot of good listeners and support here.

 

[Sensei]

I agree with everything Thereisnothing says and I couldn't put it better myself. I just want to add that if you're not sure, then give it some more time and see what happens. Things might change for the better. You'll still have the option to end it later on.