I don't know if I want to die

[crazy1]

My mood goes up and down through the day and most the time I feel like I want to die and that I could do it but sometimes I'll get really positive about things and it scares me that I could of killed myself. I took an overdose last week but it didn't go as I planned and know one knows about it. I've ordered more to take another one and it should work this time if I take it. I don't know what to do. Any advise? I feel like I'm going crazy honestly, I don't feel normal.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't want to die at all I just don't know if I can live

 

[Donk]

My mood goes up and down through the day and most the time I feel like I want to die and that I could do it but sometimes I'll get really positive about things and it scares me that I could of killed myself. I took an overdose last week but it didn't go as I planned and know one knows about it. I've ordered more to take another one and it should work this time if I take it. I don't know what to do. Any advise? I feel like I'm going crazy honestly, I don't feel normal.

im not an expert or anything but have you thought of taking a mood stabilizer? instead of feeling up and down throughout the day meds like lithium may stabilize your mood

 

[crazy1]

im not an expert or anything but have you thought of taking a mood stabilizer? instead of feeling up and down throughout the day meds like lithium may stabilize your mood

I don't know much about mood stabilizers, I've only ever been given anti depressants and they don't work at all. I might look into them and mention it to my Dr. I'm in the UK and mental health support is soo bad, so it's hard to get help with anything.

 

[faust]

Hello, constantly changing mood is certainly a bad thing.
I used to have bipolar before myself.
If you have enough time, you can choose activities depending on your mood. I guess when you feel high (sorry, bipolar is different for everybody), it is a bit hard to stay in bed and do some casual and relaxing things. So it might be an option to try something active. It can be even walking with music, maybe a bit of sports if you feel up to. For some people drawing, music and writing is an option as well. Well, there might be a plenty of things you can do, I just don't know the whole situation. All in all, it is selecting activities depending on your mood. Doing nothing will make your symptoms more noticeable.

 

[PartingGlass]

Honestly, I don't really want to die and I know that, I just don't want to live with all this shit on my mind. Every night for the last week or so I've laid in bed and put a gun to my head or the roof of my mouth and I just can't pull the trigger. I know eventually it's going to happen though. I'm not necessarily happy about that or anything, I'm just trying to accept it. Again I don't WANT it to happen but... it's probably gonna.

 

[Rory Catte]

I'm also kind of in the same boat. When I feel like that, I try to think of the few moments in my life that made me feel genuine happiness and I try to make that happen again. In my case, I remember that travelling, even alone, made me truly happy, so I try to travel more. Or experiencing new things. Whatever you decide ultimately, is fine, but i believe it's worth a try before you make the final decision?

 

[nonamegirl]

I want to die, but only because that's the only way I'll be free of my tormenting conditions/illnesses. After 10-15 years I have found, there is no other way.

I would like to have "lived", but I can't do that. I'm just existing and that's all I have been doing for a couple years now.

 

[LittleJem]

I don't know much about mood stabilizers, I've only ever been given anti depressants and they don't work at all. I might look into them and mention it to my Dr. I'm in the UK and mental health support is soo bad, so it's hard to get help with anything.

Go to your doctor ASAP and urgently and explain you are having extreme suicidal impulses and mood swings, and that you need to be referred to a psychiatrist because you are afraid of what action you might take. You have to insist on seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis. Don't downplay how ill you - be direct and honest about it.

I was really surprised, when I did that (because my colleagues literally forced me to, because they are so worried about me), that I have an appointment with a psychiatrist within a month. Which is really fast. I told them how suicidal I am feeling. I am still surprised about how fast it is. I expected a 4 month wait. It might be longer for you, but the sooner you get on the list, the sooner you will be seen.

Another option that a very unwell acquaintance of mine did - is to go to A&E and make a very big fuss and insist your need is urgent. Apparently this can get you bumped up the waiting list.

Definitely insist on seeing a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis and other medication. You will want to try Lamictal probably which is a mood stabliser and can work wonders for people. Another option could be Lithium Carbonate. Why not give yourself a chance at a happier, more stable life (when I say that, I am lecturing myself, as every day is torture and I really want it over - and I have an NHS psych booked for beginning of April).

I'm always telling myself my mental illness is not as bad as some - but I am wishing for death every moment of every day unless I am on drugs. So it is pretty bad. We need to get ourselves on the waiting list. Please do...