I don't know if I can hold on until after Christmas

[Deleted member 23774]

Hello, I hope that all of you are well. I was going I wait until after Christmas to ctb because I didn't want my friends to grieve. during the holiday, but I'm not sure if I can wait for that long. I'm in so much pain and torment right now and I want peace. My friends are looking forward to the holiday and I don't want to take that away from that.

I don't know if I can cope with this pain and torment for that long, it hits me at night when everyone is sleeping. I need to find a way to distract myself so that I don't do anything impulsive. Do you have any suggestions on distractions that could help me?

I have the SN and everything that I need in my grasp. The only thing that I'm having trouble with is figuring out how much SN to take. I'm 400 pounds so I was thinking of taking 2 and a half tablespoons in 50 ml water. Is that enough or should I take 3 tablespoons of SN?
I really want to do this right. Thank you for reading this.

 

[lonerclown666]

I feel the same i am very sure i wil be gone by january i dont know what to say every cope i had dont work for me but i hope u find something good

 

[Deleted member 23774]

I feel the same i am very sure i wil be gone by january i dont know what to say every cope i had dont work for me but i hope u find something good

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I feel the same. Don't wanna make the holidays bad but also can barely hang on

 

[elfgyoza]

I'm sure there's nothing any of us can say that would make you feel any better, other than that I feel the same way.
I never intended to hold out till Christmas, but it's exhausting trying to lie to everyone, making fake plans and promises I know I can't keep. It's gonna hurt them no matter when we do it unfortunately, it only depends on how long we can hold out. I mostly try to distract myself with gaming if I'm motivated enough, you got any hobbies like that, that could help?
I have my SN all ready to go too. I think 25g is normally enough for most people, only slightly increased amounts for anyone overweight, so it's up to you really

 

[Deleted member 23774]

Thank you, I will find ways to distract myself. It is just really hard to hold on.

I'm sure there's nothing any of us can say that would make you feel any better, other than that I feel the same way.
I never intended to hold out till Christmas, but it's exhausting trying to lie to everyone, making fake plans and promises I know I can't keep. It's gonna hurt them no matter when we do it unfortunately, it only depends on how long we can hold out. I mostly try to distract myself with gaming if I'm motivated enough, you got any hobbies like that, that could help?
I have my SN all ready to go too. I think 25g is normally enough for most people, only slightly increased amounts for anyone overweight, so it's up to you really