Venting i don't know how to go on living this time

[sadstuffie]

hi.
i can honestly say that this is probably the worst thing that has happened to me in years.
so, recently i went on a trip to go see my gf, but unfortunately things didn't go as expected so i ended up leaving early.
TW for s/a

so, im having a really hard time admitting to myself that i was probably sexually assaulted. it makes me feel like just ending it right at this moment. i have no one to talk to unless i call the hotline or something.
ive been having panic attacks & crying nonstop.
i don't feel real. i don't know what i should do. i know i can't take any legal action because one of the things she said to justify her behavior is that she has screenshots of everything ive said as far as sexual preferences, but im being so honest here, in the moment i did not give consent & tried to get away & said i didn't want to several times. but i still think she's right & it was my fault. i totally deserved it.
i just don't know what to do to feel better. i don't even feel like eating or taking care of myself.

 

[metalpi]

i can't imagine what you're going thru now

I wish I killed my sa'r

 

[card1nal]

but i still think she's right & it was my fault. i totally deserved it.
i just don't know what to do to feel better. i don't even feel like eating or taking care of myself.

I'm so sorry. I promise you, no matter what you think you might've said or done to "deserve this", you didn't. No one deserves this. I hope you can find the strength to keep yourself safe from your gf, even if you don't feel comfortable taking legal action.

Again I'm so, so sorry this happened to you <3

 

[Faejin]

hi.
i can honestly say that this is probably the worst thing that has happened to me in years.
so, recently i went on a trip to go see my gf, but unfortunately things didn't go as expected so i ended up leaving early.
TW for s/a

so, im having a really hard time admitting to myself that i was probably sexually assaulted. it makes me feel like just ending it right at this moment. i have no one to talk to unless i call the hotline or something.
ive been having panic attacks & crying nonstop.
i don't feel real. i don't know what i should do. i know i can't take any legal action because one of the things she said to justify her behavior is that she has screenshots of everything ive said as far as sexual preferences, but im being so honest here, in the moment i did not give consent & tried to get away & said i didn't want to several times. but i still think she's right & it was my fault. i totally deserved it.
i just don't know what to do to feel better. i don't even feel like eating or taking care of myself.

It is actually disgusting how many people consider being in a relationship to be automatic consent.

The idea some people have that they are just too hot to not want to thuck is absolutely delusional and disgusting too.
No one should have to go through something like this in their lifetime and I'm sorry you had to and I hope you're doing alright. No one deserves to be sexually violated. It is just something no one should have to deal with and the fact that it was your partner makes them at fault and even more so if you said no.

Whatever anyone may say. You are NOT at fault here and did NOT deserve this. Anyone should be able to tell when someone clearly does not want it and especially one's partner should know you well enough to tell when they're going too far.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

hi.
i can honestly say that this is probably the worst thing that has happened to me in years.
so, recently i went on a trip to go see my gf, but unfortunately things didn't go as expected so i ended up leaving early.
TW for s/a

so, im having a really hard time admitting to myself that i was probably sexually assaulted. it makes me feel like just ending it right at this moment. i have no one to talk to unless i call the hotline or something.
ive been having panic attacks & crying nonstop.
i don't feel real. i don't know what i should do. i know i can't take any legal action because one of the things she said to justify her behavior is that she has screenshots of everything ive said as far as sexual preferences, but im being so honest here, in the moment i did not give consent & tried to get away & said i didn't want to several times. but i still think she's right & it was my fault. i totally deserved it.
i just don't know what to do to feel better. i don't even feel like eating or taking care of myself.

You don't deserve it at all! It isn't your fault this happened and just because you told her what you like doesn't mean you gave her consent. I don't know how well the justice system will help, in cases like this it can favor the girl and you'd have to testify. You could take legal action, even if it's just to file a restraining order, order of protection, etc. It would probably be a good idea to leave her since she SA'd you, no question about that. It's rape if you say no or show any hesitation, and they still do it.

You don't deserve this and it isn't your fault, it's her's and utter lack of respect for you and your wishes is honestly appalling. I believe there are specific hotlines to call for this, and the suicide and crisis hotline is a great one, you can call and they will connect you with someone who can give you support and lend an ear. It's completely anonymous and it might help you, I wish you the absolute best, and hope you can recover from this.

 

[sadstuffie]

You don't deserve it at all! It isn't your fault this happened and just because you told her what you like doesn't mean you gave her consent. I don't know how well the justice system will help, in cases like this it can favor the girl and you'd have to testify. You could take legal action, even if it's just to file a restraining order, order of protection, etc. It would probably be a good idea to leave her since she SA'd you, no question about that. It's rape if you say no or show any hesitation, and they still do it.

You don't deserve this and it isn't your fault, it's her's and utter lack of respect for you and your wishes is honestly appalling. I believe there are specific hotlines to call for this, and the suicide and crisis hotline is a great one, you can call and they will connect you with someone who can give you support and lend an ear. It's completely anonymous and it might help you, I wish you the absolute best, and hope you can recover from this.

thank you. we are both girls, but she is currently not fully transitioned yet so that was also part of the reason i was hoping we could just ya know take things slower, but i guess not. im genuinely thinking about calling the hotline later tonight because im spiraling. but im so scared they are gonna say what i went through wasnt that bad. I've been SA'd before when i was a child as well so idk i kinda feel like i should've just been used to it. i haven't left her yet ...idk what is gonna happen with that.

i can't imagine what you're going thru now

I wish I killed my sa'r

im so sorry you went through something like that. i hope you have found healing & peace.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

thank you. we are both girls, but she is currently not fully transitioned yet so that was also part of the reason i was hoping we could just ya know take things slower, but i guess not. im genuinely thinking about calling the hotline later tonight because im spiraling. but im so scared they are gonna say what i went through wasnt that bad. I've been SA'd before when i was a child as well so idk i kinda feel like i should've just been used to it. i haven't left her yet ...idk what is gonna happen with that.

im so sorry you went through something like that. i hope you have found healing & peace.

Ohhh I'm so sorry for assuming your gender. I don't know why i automatically assumed you were male, I truly apologize. And I highly doubt they'll invalidate your feelings, they will likely be very understanding :). And I'm sorry it happened as a kid, you should never have to be used to it, it's a cruel thing for someone to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, it really is disgusting when people act in such a way and treat others so badly. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[heyrabu]

hi.
i can honestly say that this is probably the worst thing that has happened to me in years.
so, recently i went on a trip to go see my gf, but unfortunately things didn't go as expected so i ended up leaving early.
TW for s/a

so, im having a really hard time admitting to myself that i was probably sexually assaulted. it makes me feel like just ending it right at this moment. i have no one to talk to unless i call the hotline or something.
ive been having panic attacks & crying nonstop.
i don't feel real. i don't know what i should do. i know i can't take any legal action because one of the things she said to justify her behavior is that she has screenshots of everything ive said as far as sexual preferences, but im being so honest here, in the moment i did not give consent & tried to get away & said i didn't want to several times. but i still think she's right & it was my fault. i totally deserved it.
i just don't know what to do to feel better. i don't even feel like eating or taking care of myself.

I just went through s/a experience too last week, so I can more or less understand your feelings. I've got raped by my BF after 2 whole month under his total control. I've endured so much, I've sacrifice so much, and I got even the freedom of my own body got robbed of me. It's sure a shitty feelings.
For now please calm yourself and look for anyone to talk to, it will helps. Don't make rash decision such as ctb in panic situation, it will not ends well
Best wishes for you. Stay strong, my friend

 

[sadstuffie]

I just went through s/a experience too last week, so I can more or less understand your feelings. I've got raped by my BF after 2 whole month under his total control. I've endured so much, I've sacrifice so much, and I got even the freedom of my own body got robbed of me. It's sure a shitty feelings.
For now please calm yourself and look for anyone to talk to, it will helps. Don't make rash decision such as ctb in panic situation, it will not ends well
Best wishes for you. Stay strong, my friend

thanks for your kind words. im sorry for what has happened to you, it's just horrible. i don't have anyone to talk to about it unfortunately. i know it would be a decision out of panic yes, but everything feels so awful.