I don't know how much longer I can do this

[justfloating]

I thought I was doing better but all I think about all the time is CTB.

im tired all the time and I just feel empty so much. I want to just do it but I need closure first and I haven't been able to get that yet. I don't want to die without my closure but I might have to and I cant stand the thought of not seeing the person I love one last time.

im doing things to help my future incase I cant go through with it but im not sure if I have the energy anymore, I don't want my final days to be doing boring shit.

I don't know what to do.

I just cant do this

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey love..I understand the feeling of emptiness...what is preventing u from getting the closure that u need?

 

[justfloating]

Hey love..I understand the feeling of emptiness...what is preventing u from getting the closure that u need?

my closure involves talking to someone. He said he would contact me after tuesday but he hasen't, I scared him off with a bad mental health day and he hasn't spoken to me for over 4 weeks. im having to pretend to everyone that im fine so he will meet me, but thats only making it harder. I just need one last hug and to say goodbye without letting on what im going to do.

im scared to text him and ask if hell see me incase I scare him off, and if he says no I don't know is if can handle it.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Ok i see..Is he ur only reason for wanting to ctb?

 

[justfloating]

Ok i see..Is he ur only reason for wanting to ctb?

no theres other stuff, he started the chain of events that lead to me being in this place, but its not all to do with him. I just feel so shit all the time and its isn't getting better and im not expecting it to, I just cant push past it any longer

 

[Lostandfound7]

no theres other stuff, he started the chain of events that lead to me being in this place, but its not all to do with him. I just feel so shit all the time and its isn't getting better and im not expecting it to, I just cant push past it any longer

I understand that feeling hun...Have u exhausted all other options?

 

[justfloating]

I understand that feeling hun...Have u exhausted all other options?

im in counselling, doctors dismiss me every time even after two overdoses, and ive done my best to improve the situation im in. I don't think theres anything else I can do

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

I know exactly how you feel. Would you be interested in running away and just living in the wilderness and such?

 

[justfloating]

I know exactly how you feel. Would you be interested in running away and just living in the wilderness and such?

I don't think so because it wouldn't change the problems I have now that make me want to do this. Before I CTB I plan on going to London so I might spend a day looking round the city and shit.