All the pain I'm experiencing right now is getting worse. I just want peace. To calm the thoughts. I just want my childhood to comeback before the DP came. (By the why, I'm using a blocker app on my phone that block certain words, I've blocked this word because I'm trying not to look it up anymore. But it's basically dissociation where you feel like you're watching yourself outside your body. I just abbreviated it) Things weren't so bad then.
I try to forget some of the things that fucked me up growing up: my Father's death, being constantly homeless, always being evicted. But the rejection from Margaret always hurt the most. I'm not trying to play the race card, so please forgive me if it sounds like it, but basically in 9th grade this girl said she wouldn't date because I was black. I felt really depressed after that. It's always hard telling people that. I really liked this half Guatemalan-Japanese girl. She seemed really cool. I don't blame her though. Everyone is entitled to their own preference. But man, did I fall through a dark hole that 9th grade year.
I know my suicide will come someday. I'm just waiting for when. Maybe if there is a afterlife, I could be treated like an actual human being. Then again, I hope everyone will be treated the same way, too.
I try to forget some of the things that fucked me up growing up: my Father's death, being constantly homeless, always being evicted. But the rejection from Margaret always hurt the most. I'm not trying to play the race card, so please forgive me if it sounds like it, but basically in 9th grade this girl said she wouldn't date because I was black. I felt really depressed after that. It's always hard telling people that. I really liked this half Guatemalan-Japanese girl. She seemed really cool. I don't blame her though. Everyone is entitled to their own preference. But man, did I fall through a dark hole that 9th grade year.
I know my suicide will come someday. I'm just waiting for when. Maybe if there is a afterlife, I could be treated like an actual human being. Then again, I hope everyone will be treated the same way, too.
