I dont know anymore

[COMA]

I need to vent. My life is perfect for others. I have a good, stable job, an 11-year relationship with a really good guy, a shared apartment, a dog. I have wonderful parents who, when they found out I have anxiety and bipolar disorder, got very involved, calling, asking questions, trying to help. I have friends I can talk to about my suicidal thoughts, and my partner knows about them too. But at the same time, I feel so fucking hopeless. I wish I could just disappear, not kill myself. I have a family history of suicide, and I know how it affects the rest of the family. I can't do this. I love my partner, I can't leave my precious dog. And I still want to die, and I'm browsing this website. What's wrong with me? I'll add that I've been in therapy for a year now, I've been taking psychiatric medications for a year, I've become addicted to benzodiazepines, and I have the impression that all this "treatment" has only made things worse. A year ago, before treatment, I only had panic attacks. After the first prescribed antidepressant, I had a hypomanic episode, and boom, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a ton of medications, terrible depression. It's a constant cycle of depression, hypomania, and anxiety. I want to live a good life, but I can't. Every encounter with people makes me want to lock myself in a room alone. I have no strength left. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Do you have a good life and feel like you don't have a good reason for CBT?

 

[U. A.]

You need to get the fuck off benzos. They're evil and are killing you. You can turn things around by following the Ashton Manual for quitting them. If you're only addicted and not fully dependent it should be relatively easier, but still do not fuck around with the protocol.

Ashton Manual - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition

Free Ashton Manual This copy of The Ashton Manual cannot be changed, replicated or sold. THE ASHTON MANUAL SUPPLEMENT, APRIL 2011 IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM PROFESSOR ASHTON, JANUARY 2007 FOREWORD TO...

www.benzoinfo.com

You should get off the rest of that junk too, but similarly it needs to be done right or you risk making things worse. Go slow. People have done this before.

 

[madameviolette]

Same. Never have had that much mental issues than when I was prescribed psych drugs.

I'd do anything to go back and just keep the type of anxiety I had prior to meds. It was so minor.

As they say once you step into psychiatry you never go out. It's a vicious cycle of prescribing drugs with side effects then diagnosing you with a new mental illness, then prescribing new meds and so on.

I think psychiatry is good for people with very debilitating mental illnesses that impair functioning like schizophrenia. But if you are already functioning, the risk of losing it all with psych drugs is greater than the benefits

 

[COMA]

You need to get the fuck off benzos. They're evil and are killing you. You can turn things around by following the Ashton Manual for quitting them. If you're only addicted and not fully dependent it should be relatively easier, but still do not fuck around with the protocol.

Ashton Manual - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition

Free Ashton Manual This copy of The Ashton Manual cannot be changed, replicated or sold. THE ASHTON MANUAL SUPPLEMENT, APRIL 2011 IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM PROFESSOR ASHTON, JANUARY 2007 FOREWORD TO...

www.benzoinfo.com

You should get off the rest of that junk too, but similarly it needs to be done right or you risk making things worse. Go slow. People have done this before.

Thanks for the source. What do you mean I should get off the rest of that junk? Thanks to mood stabilizers (lamotrigine), I don't have manic episodes, which is very important because they can screw up your life (loans, betrayals, bad decisions in general). Benzodiazepines are wonderful, but dangerous as hell, which I know. I can't sleep without them, so I don't know if the addiction is psychological or physical. It started innocently enough, until I couldn't leave the house without them.

 

[COMA]

Same. Never have had that much mental issues than when I was prescribed psych drugs.

I'd do anything to go back and just keep the type of anxiety I had prior to meds. It was so minor.

As they say once you step into psychiatry you never go out. It's a vicious cycle of prescribing drugs with side effects then diagnosing you with a new mental illness, then prescribing new meds and so on.

I think psychiatry is good for people with very debilitating mental illnesses that impair functioning like schizophrenia. But if you are already functioning, the risk of losing it all with psych drugs is greater than the benefits

I couldn't have summed it up better. I really regret going to a psychiatrist for medication. The only thing that helps me is therapy, but various thoughts also worsen my condition, and I'd rather be unaware of my patterns.

 

[madameviolette]

I couldn't have summed it up better. I really regret going to a psychiatrist for medication. The only thing that helps me is therapy, but various thoughts also worsen my condition, and I'd rather be unaware of my patterns.

Keep the therapy and don't let the meds make a shell of yourself