I don't have the energy for anything...I am literally a zombie who feels pain

[BittersweetSymphony]

I want to die, but I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I hate my fuckin life and my stupid fucking job, but I'm too cowardly to abandon either of them. I just wanna cry until I disappear. I just want someone to hold my sorry ass head in their lap until I fall asleep and never wake up again. Every day is the exactly the same. Wake, whine, go through the motions anyway. I am literally the lowest fucking thing I could ever imagine. Lower than the lowest microbe. A waste of space. Getting rid of me would be addition by subtraction. Please let this end.

I want that, but it won't happen. I'll wake up tomorrow and continue to take up resources from life much better than me. The fact that I'm still here is proof that life is nothing but injustice. A worthless crybaby 1st world piece of shit who gets everything he needs to survive handed to him on a platter while people so so SO MUCH better than me have to struggle just to see the end of the day. How fucking hilariously ironic. Let me put it in writing right here and right now. If whatever higher power there is could give my life to someone else, PLEASE fucking do it while I sleep tonight. Just don't let me know it's happening, or my pathetic fucking self will beg for you to reverse it.

Amen, may it be.

 

[jimmy7754]

I want to make this happen. Soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can just be so awful. I know that it can be unbearable living a life you hate. I also have no energy, I am very tired of living, and more than anything I wish that it was easier to leave this world. You are not cowardly, suicide is so difficult after all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I find this all painfully relatable. In the past I really thought I was a robot since I'd only do the same things over and over again and never got much out of it. Zombie feels more accurate since I feel like my mind has already died in some ways. We are the living dead, aren't we? Since we're not "living" with any meaning at all, we might as well be dead but cannot make ourselves be.

I wish I could abandon things too. But then what? Life won't get better. In that second paragraph I really relate. I don't believe in any religion but sometimes I'll just pray since what the heck, I'll try anything. And then I just pray that I won't wake up.

 

[Girl in the Morgue]

I want to die, but I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I hate my fuckin life and my stupid fucking job, but I'm too cowardly to abandon either of them. I just wanna cry until I disappear. I just want someone to hold my sorry ass head in their lap until I fall asleep and never wake up again. Every day is the exactly the same. Wake, whine, go through the motions anyway. I am literally the lowest fucking thing I could ever imagine. Lower than the lowest microbe. A waste of space. Getting rid of me would be addition by subtraction. Please let this end.

I want that, but it won't happen. I'll wake up tomorrow and continue to take up resources from life much better than me. The fact that I'm still here is proof that life is nothing but injustice. A worthless crybaby 1st world piece of shit who gets everything he needs to survive handed to him on a platter while people so so SO MUCH better than me have to struggle just to see the end of the day. How fucking hilariously ironic. Let me put it in writing right here and right now. If whatever higher power there is could give my life to someone else, PLEASE fucking do it while I sleep tonight. Just don't let me know it's happening, or my pathetic fucking self will beg for you to reverse it.

Amen, may it be.

I have tell myself the exact same, specially feel it for the second paragraph. I hate my survival instinct and I know I have it because I've felt it but as coward as I am, CTB is the one thing I want to acomplish. I want to face death being strong.