I don't have the backbone to go through with it.

[darkwater]

I didn't sign up here for fun, but with the intention to go through with it. But I am still here. In the meantime, I talked to people who are no longer here. I ordered SN and yet have gained the certainty that I will never take it. And yes failed with full suspension hanging. How do I find the courage to try again and end this endless misery?

 

[EndIsNigh]

Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.

 

[Advisor321]

Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.

I would love to be in situation where I have N.
If I were you I would do that very slow. Wrote all steps before taking N.

 

[wljourney]

I didn't sign up here for fun, but with the intention to go through with it. But I am still here. In the meantime, I talked to people who are no longer here. I ordered SN and yet have gained the certainty that I will never take it. And yes failed with full suspension hanging. How do I find the courage to try again and end this endless misery?

I would assume that one of the reasons is that you still have a glimmer of hope.
It might feel like a hurdle. Something standing in your way, but it's not a bad thing. Just means you aren't quite ready yet.

I keep having those moments too. And of course the responsibility of caring for my very senior dog.

I think once he is gone, the decision will get easier.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

I've been planning and trying for the last year and a half, although I've had suicidal ideation and previous attempts long before that. Every time I backed out and couldn't go through with it. You're not alone. It's not easy by any means.. I'm not giving up though..

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really is so difficult after all and I think that if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. In my case I am trapped in this world because of fear of failing ctb and limited access to methods. I know that it is so awful desperately wanting to be free from all suffering yet feeling as though you are unable to leave. I wish that there was a way to just peacefully pass away without having to go through the process of planning ctb. I have suffered for too long at this point and I deserve to be at peace. Being alive feels extremely pointless. I'm sorry that you are in this situation.

 

[DerTod]

Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.

You'll go through with it when the time is right. Be happy you have N. You are a very privileged person. If i had N i would smile and kiss those bottles every day.

 

[Atlantian]

No one can answer that question but you. You know why you don't want go do it. All the answers lie inside your head. You just have to do some thinking. From there, the choice becomes much easier.

 

[jamie_]

fear i may be the same